Not Another Bipolar Depression

Today the weather is gloomy, and my temptation is to let that affect my emotions and be depressed. So I quickly put on my bipolar armor and fight this, reminding myself that I am in control of my bipolar disorder and not the other way around.

It's my birthday today. I'm 52 years old. I could dwell on that thought and would certainly go into a depression over it, but today I choose not to. I choose, instead, to feel blessed that I have survived my own life and that today is another gift from God. I choose a positive attitude, because that is what saves me from the deep, dark depths of depression. And I do NOT want to go there!

Sometimes it is a "mind over matter" way of thinking that is necessary to avoid a depressive episode. You can feel it coming on like a dark cloak descending over your mind... yet you do have the power of refusing it. It's not unrealistic - in fact, it is necessary. You can acknowledge your negative thinking and still rise above it. You can choose not to be depressed.

I am not depressed today because I REFUSE to be depressed today. That's my "mind over matter." I will not allow the dragon even one piece of my day, much less to bring me down. I am stronger than the dragon today.

So, weather aside, negative emotions aside, I fight another day for the sanity which was hard-bought for me. I will try to keep a positive attitude no matter what. And, like all the other times I have felt like this, I tell myself "this too shall pass," and I will wait it out, doing the best I can to be positive instead of negative.

Is it truly that easy? That to lay bipolar depression by the wayside, all you have to do is think positive? No, of course not. It is always a battle. But I remind myself that I have been here before and I will be here again. I can never let down my guard, or the depression will overwhelm me. The bipolar disorder will win, and I cannot allow that to happen.

And, who knows? After awhile of positive thinking I actually can feel better. I am still in control, and that is important to me. The dragon is defeated yet again!

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Merry Bipolar Christmas

I wish all of you a very Merry Bipolar Christmas today. I pray that this year is even better than last year was for you, and I pray that you are stable today. Many people with bipolar disorder get overwhelmed by the holiday - I pray you are not one of them.

This year, try celebrating what the holiday is really all about - Jesus. Not presents, not trees, not decorating the house. Keep things simple, so you won't feel overwhelmed. If you are feeling depressed, try doing just one thing you can think of to get out of your depression. It might help if you take the emphasis off yourself and onto someone else. Try doing something nice for someone else - someone needy, or just a random act of kindness.

My son was out eating dinner with some friends of his, and they were talking about their poor financial conditions. There was an older couple at the next table who overheard their conversation, although they didn't know it. When they went to pay for their dinner, they were told that it had already been paid for by that older couple. Random acts of kindness can be so rewarding.

I don't have the kind of money it takes to do that, but I can do other things. Like when I go through a tollbooth, I pay for the person behind me. Random acts of kindness do not have to be big to be appreciated.

If you're feeling down, remember that "This too shall pass." It always does. Remind yourself that you've been here before and got through it, and you'll get through it this time as well.

Try thinking about all the people who love and care about you. Be grateful for the small things. In other words, if you're not in the hospital, be grateful. If you are not in an episode, be grateful. If you have your health, be grateful. Write out a gratitude list if need be. Once you get started brainstorming, you'll find that you are grateful for many things this year, no matter how big or small. It will help improve your attitude. It's hard to be depressed when you find so much to be grateful for.

May this be your best Christmas ever, bipolar or not! I pray that this is a very special day for you, and that good things will happen. My prayers are with you.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Feeling Happy These Days

I feel so happy today - not manic happy, just happy-happy. Things are so different now than what they used to be like. Today I'm grateful for all my blessings, even my bipolar disorder. I'm not saying I like it any better than I have before, but we've come to sort of a peaceful compromise. I do what I need to do to stay stable, and the dragon stays away (no bipolar episodes).

I'm grateful for such a wonderful, kind, loving husband, my primary supporter. I don't even have to tell him when I need extra loving, or when I'm feeling a little down, or just "not myself." Because he has bipolar disorder, too, and because he's my best friend, he can just tell. I'm so grateful that we have such a good marriage.

I'm grateful for my job, too. How many people get paid to do what they love doing? I love to write, and to help other people (especially those with mental illness), and at www.bipolarcentral.com I get to do both. Plus I have a great boss. I remember working outside the home, before I was diagnosed, and I never had as understanding a boss.

Right now, I'm writing from my computer in a nice, cozy, warm home. It's not very big, just a duplex, but I'm grateful, because there was a time when I was homeless.

I'm grateful that my sons and parents are all healthy and relatively happy. Even though I've had to learn to let them own their own problems, I still have a mama's heart, and I worry for my boys' health, safety, and happiness. Comes with the mom job, I guess! :)

Today, mostly, I'm grateful for my relationship with the Lord, who gives me all these blessings. He is with me even in the midst of my bipolar disorder. And it is truly a gift from God to be stable today. Every day I go without an episode is a gift from God.

To those who are struggling these last few days before the holidays, my heart goes out to you. I would wish upon you the attitude of gratitude that I have today. I don't have a lot, but what I do have, I'm grateful for. Think about your blessings, instead of your problems. They will eventually get solved. I heard a saying that, "God always answers prayer. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes the answer is no, and sometimes the answer is wait."

If you are having a hard time with your bipolar, don't give up on God. He is still with you in the midst of your struggles, and He loves you and wants you to be happy. Do I have proof? Yes, I do - in the Scriptures. He says in Jer. 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." That's my favorite Scripture, and it gives me so much hope for all of us with bipolar disorder.

Remember, you are not alone. There are many, many others who are struggling as you are. Keep going, don't let go of God's promise, and your disorder will eventually stabilize. Don't give up hope for that. I pray for you.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

The Greatest Bipolar Christmas Present

I've had to think of what I wanted for Christmas this year, as my husband wanted to know, and I was thrown a little off-balance. Oh, I listed a few things, like books and videos, but basically I couldn't think of anything I could want that I don't already have!

I'll tell you why. Because I am SO grateful for my stability with bipolar disorder, especially this year. Stability is the greatest bipolar Christmas present, in my eyes. Because I remember so many holiday times when the mania got the better of me. Of course "remember" is just a relative term here, because I am one of those people who forget what happens during their episodes.

But the point is, I know better than to get TOO excited at Christmastime (or any other time), as it can so easily push me into a manic episode - and Christmas shopping is just an excuse to overspend and spend too impulsively. These days I really watch my spending. In fact, I did the majority of my shopping for my husband on ebay this year, where I got some great deals!

I'm busy with work for www.bipolarcentral.com , and that's helped me stay stable these days, as it keeps my feet grounded. And I've had a lot of work to do - we're now putting out THREE newsletters! One for bipolar, one for borderline, and one for schizophrenia, and I write articles for all of them. So it's been keeping me pretty busy.

Well, I just wanted to throw that thought out there about stability being the greatest bipolar Christmas gift you could get. I hope you are as appreciative of yours as I am of mine. Just think how much worse it would be if you were in a bipolar episode right now! Then be grateful that you're not!

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

What to Do When You Don't "Feel Like" Having Bipolar Disorder

Ok, I know I'm among friends, so I can admit this: Today is one of those days when I don't "feel like" having bipolar disorder. I have an attitude today - against the disorder. I resent the fact that I have no control over having it, only control over the disorder itself and how it manifests in me.

Well, bad attitude or not, it's still a good day, because any day without a bipolar episode is a GOOD day! I guess I'm just tired. Do you ever have one of those days? When you just don't feel like being in the battle that day? Yeah, me too, because every day is a battle with bipolar disorder - just that some days are better than others.

I hate having something incurable. That insinuates that there is something beating me, and I am a very competitive person! Really, you should see me playing backgammon with my husband - I'm ruthless! LOL

Yes, having bipolar disorder is a battle. But it's a battle you're winning if you are alive today. That's right - if you are alive today, you are winning your battle with bipolar disorder.

Because my sister didn't. One day she decided the pain was too much, the battle too wearying, the fight too hard. And she killed herself. Of course, in my heart I know that she never would have done that in her right mind - she was off her medications at the time she committed suicide. God, I miss her so much. But it makes me that much more determined that there are no more "Debi's" out there!

I have heard from or talked to so many "Debi's," people who just want to quit trying to fight their bipolar disorder. Right, some days are not great. I'll admit that. Even as stable as I am, I still get breakthrough depressed days. But what's the alternative? To do what my sister did? I don't think so. My life is too precious to me. As is my sanity. So I fight even when I don't "feel like" it.

If you're going through the same struggle, well, at least you know for one thing that you're not alone, eh? But I want to commend you, all of you, for hanging in there - for staying the fight no matter how weak and weary you feel. Because each one of you is a SURVIVOR! Ya know, they make a big deal out of cancer survivors (as they should), but just think of it - we are bipolar disorder survivors in just the same way! We are conquering our disorder by every day we go without an episode or symptoms.

When someone is in remission with cancer, they are without symptoms. Well, then, we are in remission from bipolar disorder every day that we don't have symptoms! See? We are doing it! We are surviving a deadly brain disease every day that we don't huddle under the covers wishing it away - every day that we get out of bed is a victory for some of us! And being stable is a victory for all of us!

If you're not there yet, don't worry - you will be. Because you are a miracle. Just by being a survivor of bipolar disorder.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Thanksgiving Bipolar Warning

Well, this Thursday is Thanksgiving, and I wanted to warn you about something. You should be able to enjoy the holiday just as much as everyone else, but you still need to be aware of this:

Bipolar Warning: On Thanksgiving, as on all holidays, birthdays, etc., we with bipolar disorder can tend to get TOO excited, sometimes kicking us into a bipolar manic episode. Don't let this happen to you because of the holidays.

Of course, there is going to be more activity at this time of the year. For most people, it is a very exciting time. We put up decorations, get a Christmas tree, buy presents, go to family gatherings, and overall expend more energy and engage in more activity than normal, or at other times of the year.

However, this can be a bad thing. Excitement can become stressful, and possibly even overwhelm you at holiday time.

For example, if you normally are not around a lot of people (like me, because I work from home), going to a holiday gathering with a lot of people there might make you uncomfortable at best, or kick you into a bipolar episode at worst.

If you have bipolar disorder, you need to watch yourself around these holidays more than usual. You should know what triggers your bipolar episodes, and you need to watch that you don't experience those triggers, as much as you can.

For example, it is very important that you stick to your normal sleep schedule, even if it means leaving an event or gathering early. If you start to lose sleep because of holiday excitement, it could trigger a bipolar manic episode, and you don't want that.

Try as much as you can to stick to your normal routine. The reason I say "as much as you can" is that it is normal that holiday time would be disruptive to your routine. I'm not saying that is necessarily bad, I'm just saying to be careful of upsets to your routine, and try to compensate for them.

If going into department stores is too overwhelming for you with all the holiday traffic and increase of people in the stores themselves, try to do your shopping online. Just make sure that you make a budget and stick to it. In other words, it is just as easy to overspend online as it is in the regular stores, sometimes worse for some people.

Anyway, I just wanted to warn you not to let down your guard just because it's the holiday season. Stay on top of your triggers, watch for signs and symptoms of an episode, and try to stick to your normal routine as much as possible, keeping the excitement within normal limits, and you should have a great holiday!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

I'm Glad I Have Bipolar Disorder

Ok, before you start thinking I'm crazy or in a bipolar episode, let me explain the title of this post. I'm glad that I have bipolar disorder, and not another untreatable disease. On my other blog, I compared it to cancer, where you can go into "remission," if you recognize remission as "absence of symptoms."

Like someone in remission with cancer, we can also have an absence of symptoms with our bipolar disorder. We call that "stability."

Yes, bipolar disorder is incurable - I'm not disputing that. But I am saying that at least it's a treatable condition.

Of course, you have to cooperate in your own recovery, doing things like taking your medication religiously, seeing a doctor, psychiatrist and/or therapist, sleeping right and eating right, taking care of yourself and keeping a balance between your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. But the fact is that it IS possible to recover from bipolar disorder.

Sometimes I hear from supporters who are so frustrated and discouraged, and say that they only wish their loved one were more like me, but that they really struggle with their bipolar disorder. My heart breaks for them. I wish I could help each and every one of them, but the only thing I can do is tell the truth as I know it and share my experience, strength, and hope with others, through my blogs and articles, encouraging others that if I can recover, so can they.

One thing I would stress is that if you don't take your medication religiously, I can't promise you recovery from bipolar disorder (I couldn't promise you recovery anyway, but you know what I mean). I am totally FOR medication. Of course, it may be a trial to find the right medication, but you're listening to someone who knows about that - I definitely went through a struggle trying to find the right "sanity cocktail" for me. I've even had shock treatments (ECT) as part of my treatment, so I know how difficult it can be to control bipolar symptoms at times.

One reason I'm glad I have bipolar disorder is that it forces me to be more in control of myself and the meeting of my needs. I have grown so much in self-development since I was diagnosed - and remember, I wasn't diagnosed until my mid-40's. Many people who don't struggle with a mental illness take their mental (and physical, emotional, and spiritual) health for granted. We have to be more on guard.

I don't believe that people who don't have bipolar disorder "work at it" as hard as we do. And by "work at it," I mean work at keeping a balance and lack of stress in our lives. Because that is what leads to stability - our eternal goal.

Yet once you reach stability, you can really enjoy your life again. At least I have. Yes, I have to make certain concessions to the disorder, but for the most part, I live a relatively stress-free, successful, happy, "normal" life (defining "normal" by bipolar standards).

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Kindness Goes a Long Way (Bipolar or Not)

I've started to do my Christmas shopping on ebay (early, aren't I?), and I have to tell you about something that happened to me.

I collect kneeling Santa's (have for many years), and am always looking out for new ones. Well, I found a decoupage kneeling Santa ornament on ebay, and bought it.

Today I got an email from the woman who was selling it, telling me that when she looked at it, she thought it was "sub-standard" by her standards.

So what she did was re-decoupage the ornament herself, and is sending it to me. But that's not all - she also refunded all my money! Now, that's not something she had to do. It had to come from her character. Amazing to find an honest person these days!

Oops - better watch that - my own cynicism is peeking through, when I was just about to urge you to stop being cynical about people and how they treat each other. :)

It's the small kindnesses that count. After all, kindness is free. And during these poor economic times, when everyone is struggling, other people might really appreciate a simple kindness from you - like that harried woman in the department store whose child won't stop screaming. I'm sure she could use some encouragement, or at least a tiny bit of kindness.

I truly believe in "random acts of kindness." I think it's the way people should always treat each other, whether it's Christmastime or not.

We people with bipolar disorder sometimes complain about the stigma we feel because of the disorder. But maybe the kindness has to come from us first - to show other people the good side of someone with a mental disorder.

Anyway, I really appreciated what this woman did for me with the ornament on ebay. But more than that, I appreciated the lesson that came with it. There are still good people in the world.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Bipolar on Vacation?

Well, I'm down in Florida sneaking a vacation into my busy schedule, and enjoying every minute of it! I'm actually visiting my parents who live here.

I've been having a wonderful time so far. It's been so relaxing, and so enjoyable being able to talk with my mom. See, she has bipolar disorder too, so it's nice not having to worry about how I'm acting - I can be real with my mom. She knows how I feel, so I can really talk to her about everything. I'm so grateful for that.

And my dad cracks me up! He reminds me of one of Jeff Dunham's puppets - Walter! LOL He doesn't realize he's being so funny, which makes it even funnier! What a blast. He is very protective of my mom, as her supporter. It's so wonderful to see such a good supporter in action. So is my husband. Even tho he also has bipolar disorder, he is still my supporter. So he and my dad do a lot of talking as well.

But before I left for vacation, one of the first things I did was check all my medications. I had to make sure I had enough of everything for the whole time I'd be here. I didn't do that one time and found myself in the Bahamas unable to fill a prescription I needed. Not bad enough to go into an episode, but I was a little more nervous than usual. But my husband was so supportive, and helped me get through it.

The problem with bipolar disorder is that it never takes a vacation. Everywhere you go, everything you do, you carry the disorder with you. So if you do go on vacation, you really have to watch yourself. Like you can't get too excited, or you might go manic. It's good to rest some as well. Not sleep or nap during the day (or you'll have trouble sleeping at night), but just rest between activities so you stay calm and unstressed.

And watch the shopping! I've had to really watch myself so that I don't spend all my vacation money on shopping. Just be reasonable with your purchases, and if you do feel manicky, stay out of the stores!

I'm glad to be able to tell you that it IS possible to go on vacation with bipolar disorder. Don't be so afraid of it that you let it keep you from enjoying life. You have to be prepared and watch youself when you're on vacation, but if you do that, you can have a great one and still stay stable!

Well, I'm going back to my vacation now. Don't be jealous! LOL

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Correction on How to Vote

Sorry I gave the wrong instructions in my last post on voting for me as a top blogger with www.wellsphere.com

What you do is go to www.wellsphere.com, then go to search site for, and put in my full name (Michele Soloway Sexton), which will take you to my page and my articles.

Next to each article is an icon of a small b inside a circle. Click on that icon to vote.

Thanks again for your vote,
Michele

Please Vote For Me For Top Bipolar Blogger Today

As some of you already know, this blog is also published at www.wellsphere.com. Well, they are in the process of deciding who the Top 100 Bloggers are, and I am in the running. I need all the votes I can get, so please vote for me at: http://www.wellsphere.com/dr-geoff-profile/15026.
I really appreciate it.

If I am in this category, I can reach even more people and offer encouragement and help with their bipolar disorder.

Since recovery from bipolar disorder is what I am all about, receiving this honor would enable me to reach those people who are not sure, or don't believe, that recovery from bipolar disorder is possible.

I always want people to know that recovery IS possible, no matter how bad it looks right now.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
ps. Don't forget to vote! Thanks.

Manic Episode Averted

Just an update about my condition (sleeplessness that I wrote about in my last post) -- I am feeling much better now. I think the medication just had to take a little while to "set in" and reach a workable level. All I know is, I'm sleeping good again, and I'm feeling stable.

Today, I wanted to stress the importance of having balance in your life. It can mean the difference between being stable or going into a bipolar episode. Like how I got my sleep schedule rebalanced, and averted a manic episode.

Let me ask you this first: Do you know how tellers learn how to spot a fake bill?

They aren't taught the zillion ways you can tell a bill is faked -- instead, they are taught to know the real bill SO well that they could spot ANY discrepancy.

So that's how you can stay balanced with bipolar disorder. Learn the disorder SO well (triggers, signs, symptoms) that you can quickly spot ANY discrepancy. Like I did with my sleep being off. Just one thing out of balance, but catching it so quickly kept me out of an episode.

You need to be balanced physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And you also have to know yourself VERY well. That way, like the fake bill, you can catch anything wrong soon enough to do something about it.

YOU are in charge of managing your bipolar disorder. Although you should have a good, strong support system to help you, YOU know yourself best.

Even if it's just a "gut feeling" that something is wrong, you need to give attention to it. The most important thing is to stay stable, to stay in control of your bipolar disorder (instead of it controlling your mood swings, etc.).

Do the things that keep you stable: Take your medication faithfully. See your doctor, psychiatriist and/or therapist regularly. Have a strong support system. Continue positive lifestyle changes (sleep, diet, exercise, etc.). Keep a positive attitude. And all the other things you do personally to keep your well-being.

If you do this, then you too can avert a bipolar episode.

What are some of the things that you do to keep yourself stable?

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Trouble Sleeping - Bipolar Manic Episode?

I didn't get to sleep last night until 3:30 a.m. Needless to say, I'm exhausted today!

But I am so glad I'm exhausted and not manic, which could so easily be the case. Lack of sleep is one of my biggest triggers to a bipolar episode.

Yet lack of sleep does not necessarily a manic episode make -- we can all have a bad night here and there, whether we have bipolar disorder or not. So I'm not going to assume the worst.

Instead, I put in a call to my psychiatrist to notify him that my sleep medication may not be doing its job (I've had a few sleepless nights in the past 2 weeks). I know enough not to up the dose by myself, and to always let my psychiatrist know what's happening with me. Then we'll work it out together.

I haven't had a manic episode in years, and am so happy about that. My last one was really bad - I ended up self-mutilating and everything, and (of course) ended up in the hospital. Not a place I'd like to visit again soon.

But I take each day as it comes. Some days are better than other days, but I refuse to give in to the BP, or let it get the better of me.

I have a plan. Tonight I will take my pills earlier, listen to some calming music, drink a cup of Sleepytime tea, and go to sleep early.

I probably won't get a response about my medication until tomorrow, so that's how I will take care of myself tonight.

It's all part of my bipolar stability. I've had to learn to accept that there are some things I have control over (like listening to music and drinking tea to relax me), and other things that I don't have control over (every once in a while, I may have a bad night).

But I don't give up. No, you can never give up or give in to your bipolar disorder. Do whatever you have to do to stay stable. Sometimes it can mean asking for help, like I'm doing with my psychiatrist. Sometimes it means being creative (music and tea). But you need to always fight to keep your stability.

Now, if I did nothing, and kept having sleepless nights, within about a week I WOULD be in a bipolar manic episode. That's why I'm heeding this warning.

And that's how I see it - yes, it's only a few sleepless nights over a couple weeks, but it is still a warning to look at how I'm managing my disorder. Because I definitely DO NOT want to go into another manic episode!

How do I know the difference? If I still had energy today, I'd say that would be abnormal for me, and might start considering that I'm in a manic episode. But I'm so tired from losing sleep, and I know that's just a normal reaction to that lack of sleep.

I can't always control my sleep (or lack of it), but I can sure do something about it, like calling my psychiatrist and taking care of myself (like my plans for tonight).

I've had migraines for over 30 years now. Now, many people who have chronic migraines like I do experience a sort of "aura" or other warning before they get the migraine. Unfortunately, I don't. But I'm using the comparison, because usually you will get a warning if a bipolar episode is coming on, while you can still do something about it.

You don't have to make something out of nothing and assume the worst, but you do need to heed the warnings.

Well, here's to a good night's sleep! :)

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Having Bipolar Disorder is like Being a Diamond in the Rough

I love diamonds - what normal woman wouldn't? :) But have you ever heard the saying about being a diamond in the rough? Well, that's' what I think having bipolar disorder is like.

We cannot have the kind of life that others have, simply because we have this annoying lifetime brain disease called bipolar disorder. The secret is, however, that this disease CAN be managed, and we can live a normal life in spite of it! I know, because I'm doing it, and if I can do it, so can you.

If your goal is to have a normal life, first you have to look at what you have to work with. So that's why I give the picture of a diamond in the rough. They don't make perfect diamonds overnight, and the process is not an easy one. But in the end, it's worth it, isn't it? Don't you see diamonds as beautiful?

If you do this, you will see yourself as beautiful, too, despite having bipolar disorder. One of the first coping techniques I did was to write positive affirmations to myself on Post-Its and put them on my bedroom and bathroom mirrors. So every time I looked, I'd read something like, "You are worthy," or "You are loved." If you do this long enough, those positive affirmations become a part of you, and your self-esteem will naturally improve.

Then I set about trying to organize my very disorganized life. I used to be a "saver" - I wouldn't even let a good box go! My dining room table was so cluttered with "stuff" I thought was important, until one day I just started on it. Just a few minutes. Just going through the top layer of one stack. I had 3 boxes - 1 to keep, 1 to sell at a yard sale, and 1 to throw away.

It took me weeks to get through that table, but the amazing thing was that I emerged able to throw things away - like those empty boxes I was saving for "someday!" Now I am not attached to things as much. And after going thru each room like that (over a period of 2 months), we had a heck of a yard sale! The money was a welcome income, and I found that I had changed. I no longer am a clutterer - because I want my house to stay looking good. I changed!

Being a diamond in the rough means having the willingness to change. If you go to a therapist, they will work with you on the things you need to change. I found out that I was approaching things with a wrong attitude, and I changed that. I learned how to pay my bills efficiently and on time. I learned not to expect perfection from myself. I learned that I am "already enough" - I was always trying to people please, or to hide my bipolar disorder from them. I felt like I wasn't good enough, and assumed that everybody but me had it all together. Then I found out that others without BP have just as much a struggle as we do - they just have it in a different area. Realizing I was not that much different than anyone else really helped me.

But it wasn't enough. I wanted to be the best "me" I could be, despite my bipolar disorder. That meant getting stable. Over time, and with help from my therapist and support group, I was able to change things in myself (like seeking perfection) that needed changing.

I've learned to live "in the moment," which is a concept taken from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (which I went through 3 times). I have learned to accept things the way they are right now, instead of wishing they were some other way. I deal with what is, instead of what I want it to be. I am focused on only today (One day at a Time), since ruing over the past and worrying about the future were two things I couldn't do anything about, and it was hurting me to go those places.

Today my "now" is diamond-shaped. I live a very good life, despite the fact that I have bipolar disorder. In fact, I use my disorder to help other people - those on my blogs and on the website (www.bipolarcentral.com), and others that I run into outside my home or who email me.

I am truly blessed today with normally-managed finances (all my bills get paid on time), no debt, living within my means, friends, family, a beautiful home, a car that drives well and gets me from point A to point B (so what if it isn't new), and a wonderful marriage to my best friend of 10 years, who also has bipolar disorder. We just celebrated our 3 yr wedding anniversary yesterday.

Actually, it was my husband who gave me the topic for this post. I asked him how he could have possibly loved me way back when (before I fell in love with him) because of all my destructive behaviors, and he said it was because he saw me as a diamond in the rough. Now, today, after everything I've gone through, I am that diamond. I am finally stable and happy with my life, and consider it as normal as anyone else's.

If I could give only one piece of advice to someone else, I would say to "live in the moment." That "now"kind of thinking, and accepting things the way they are instead of how I want them to be, has changed my life immensely.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

What Do I Do With All This Anger?

I am very angry right now. Two women I know with bipolar disorder are thinking of suicide at this very moment. That makes me angry at the bipolar disorder. Very angry.

I hate how it lies to us, and I hate even more that some people (like my sister, who killed herself) believe the lies.

Here are some of the lies, along with the truth. As long as you keep telling yourself the truth, you will stay alive. Just remember your REAL enemy is the bipolar disorder - NOT the person or people or situation that made you mad.

1. LIE: You are all alone.
TRUTH: There are millions of other people who have bipolar disorder like you do. You are NOT alone.

2. LIE: No one loves you. (You are not lovable)
TRUTH: Someone does love you and cares about what happens to you, even if that someone is only me. And you are worthy of love.

3. LIE: You will never get better
TRUTH: I don't care how bad things look or are for you right now, I can promise you that they will get better. It may take time, but you WILL get better!

4. LIE: You are the only one who feels the way you do.
TRUTH: That's a lie -- many people who have bipolar disorder feel the way you do right now. Many have thought of suicide and still came through out the other side of the depression - into life.

5. LIE: You are in too much pain to tolerate it.
TRUTH: Sometimes, because of the bipolar disorder, you may feel extreme emotional pain. You may have problems that you just cannot see a solution for. When you are in a bipolar episode, YOU CANNOT TRUST YOUR FEELINGS! Stay on the rational side, and convince yourself of every reason you have to live.

6. LIE: There is no one to talk to about how I feel.
TRUTH: There is ALWAYS someone to talk to, even if it's just the Suicide Hotline at:
1-800-SUICIDE.

You have more power and strength than you think you do. You CAN fight these lies now that you are armed with the TRUTH.

I've been there, and I know I probably would have taken this message with a grain of salt while I was going through the suicidal thoughts and feelings. So I know what I'm talking about. DO NOT LISTEN TO BIPOLAR LIES, and that's all they are is lies.

You are very special. God made you unique - there is not another single person out there just like you. And He made you for a reason. If you don't know the reason yet, hang on for a little longer - you'll find out your purpose when it's time.

Please, please, stay on the rational side of this hated disorder. DO NOT LET BIPOLAR DISORDER WIN AGAINST YOU WITH ITS LIES!

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Will I Ever Have a Normal Day with Bipolar Disorder?

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever have a "normal" day with bipolar disorder. The only thing I can come up with is, "Some days are better than other days." I can't run and hide from this disorder -- it is something that I have and always will have.

But then I thought back to some of my days before I was diagnosed and put on medication for my disorder. I thought those were "normal" days? How far that was from the truth. If those were normal, I didn't want them.

My days were filled with stress and prayers to God to just get me through the day. Truth is, there was a time when I prayed to Him not to let me wake up -- not if it meant one more day of the same. I struggled so terribly, and my life was horrible.

The diagnosis of bipolar disorder did come as a surprise to me. Although I knew something was wrong, I didn't know what. There wasn't a whole lot of information on it out there at the time -- no self-diagnosis tests to take.

I learned to accept the abnormal as normal, and no one should have to do that.

I have come to the conclusion that I DO have "normal" days with bipolar disorder. A normal day for me is when I have no symptoms. That's the best way I've found to define it.

Luckily, I have had many of those.

We really aren't that different from people who don't have bipolar disorder. Their struggle just has a different name. But everyone struggles - this life is not an easy one. We're fortunate that there is treatment for our struggle, though.

When I was first diagnosed and told that this was a "forever" disease with no cure, I wanted to die, because every day was such a struggle for me. I wasn't told that someday I would have stress-free and symptom-free days. I wish I was. That's why I write this blog - to tell people that they are NOT alone, and things do get better.

Things do get better. I wish I had known that in the beginning. But back then, there was no one like me on a blog assuring me of that. It took a while for me to become stabilized.

But it was worth it. I have such a good life today. It took me some time to realize that going off my meds so I could feel that manic high was no longer worth it. I always had the inevitable crash into depression anyway, so why do it? When I became medication compliant, I started to get better.

Today I am better. I am stable. And yes, I have normal days with bipolar disorder. So I at least am proof that it can happen, and that the struggle you're going through will not last forever.

You, too, can have a normal day with bipolar disorder.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Bipolar Disorder and Work

I'm actually supposed to be working right now, but thought I'd take a break and write down some of my thoughts.

I worked as a professional office temp for 13 years, which was an easy way to disguise the fact that I couldn't stay at any one job for longer than 6 months because of my bipolar disorder. I was also a respiratory therapist for 7 years, and then a medical transcriptionist up until I was diagnosed with BP.

I was one of those over-workers, however. I would go in early and stay late. And my OCD, at least the perfectionism of it, hurt me in my work, and in myself.

When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, though, I could no longer work outside the home at a regular job. It just became too stressful for me to work. It's hard to try to be perfect like I did.

You've heard of the expression "work smarter not harder?" Well, I was one who worked harder, to my own detriment. I was stressed all the time.

At my last job, working as a medical transcriptionist, I had been going into work, grabbing my coffee, going into my office, shutting the door, and crying for 8 hours a day. I still got my work done, but I cried all the way through it.

After 2 weeks of this, my supervisor walked into my office and "caught" me, and the next thing I knew I was at the institution, where I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

It's not that I can't work, but I just can't work outside my home. Too much stress. Not just dealing with the job, but also the people as well.

So I went on Social Security Disability. Which, of course, is not enough to live on, so I got this job writing for www.bipolarcentral.com. The best part is that I get to work from home, where I feel safe and secure, and rarely get stressed. My hours are flexible, so I can take all the breaks I need to tend to my disorder.

If I have a bad bipolar day, I can be honest with my boss, and I feel lucky that way. If I have to take the day off, he understands, because he deals with bipolar disorder and people with it every day.

If I didn't have my job, I would still have to be productive in some way or another, or I'd go batty! I need something to do with my time so my thoughts aren't centered around me, but are instead focused on other people, and how I can help them. So I would do more volunteer work. I still fit in some now, but I would do more. It helps me feel productive and helps with my self-esteem.

I usually tell people who ask what kind of job is best for someone with bipolar disorder to find a work-at-home job or to start your own home business, where you're the boss. That way you have all the flexibility you need to work and still control your disorder.

What about you? Do you work? If so, what kind of job do you do? What do you do when you're stressed?

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

The Fight for Bipolar Stability is Worth It

I just got back from speaking at a day treatment center for people with mental illness. I do it for the In Our Own Voice program from NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). I love doing these presentations, because they give me as much hope as they give the people listening to me.

If there's one thing I'm about, it's recovery. I cherish it like I would cherish a diamond.

When I talk for IOOV, I go back to my "dark days" up to what's happening now in my life and what I'm looking forward to in my future. It's a story with a happy ending, although at one point it was as far from that as earth is from mars. I was a "throwaway." They wanted to lock me up forever. I could just never get better, going from bipolar episode to bipolar episode, including several (5) suicide attempts and many years of substance abuse.

But I was lucky. My life is a miracle from God, because it's a miracle I survived it!

I like telling my story, because it gives people hope for recovery. And if I can help even one person, then it's worth it.

I know a lot of people don't talk about their bipolar disorder. They either try to pretend it's not there, or they acknowledge it, but don't tell other people they have it.

Now, I'm not saying to go broadcasting that you have bipolar disorder (it can backfire on you in some cases, like with stigma), but use your discretion. If you're talking to someone who tells you that they have bipolar disorder, you have a precious gift to give them. The story of your recovery. To them it will be like living water.

I also like doing these presentations because I'm putting a face on mental illness. I love it when I see the looks on people's faces, when they had been visiting with me before the presentation and then go in to it, only to find out that I'm the speaker! Some of them are pretty surprised, and have told me so.

In fact, I had one person say, "But you're so...normal!" That's how recovery is for me. I live almost as normal a life as anyone who doesn't have the disorder. Yes, I do have to make concessions, like taking medication every day, but otherwise my life is a normal, happy one.

I love it when people tell me they would never know I have bipolar disorder if I hadn't told them. That's what stability is. And stability, as hard as it is to fight for, is worth every minute if you can come out on the other side to recovery.

Now, I'm not downplaying the seriousness of the disorder. And in no way am I saying that it's easy to attain stability - I'm just saying that it's worth the effort.

Then you, too, can be talking to someone one day and sharing about your recovery from this incurable mental illness, and give them hope that they may not have had before. Now, THAT is worth it for sure. If you can help one person with bipolar disorder, then it's worth the sharing.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Can You Have Bipolar and Still Be Happy?

There is no disputing the seriousness of bipolar disorder. The statistics are staggering - that 20% (1 in 5) people with the disorder will kill themselves. However, that applies mostly to untreated bipolar disorder.

As long as your disorder is being treated properly, you have every chance for happiness that someone without the disorder has.

If you take your medication, adhere to a good sleep schedule, eat right, exercise, have a strong support system, and do things that you enjoy doing, there is no reason you can't be happy in spite of having bipolar disorder.

What I'm talking about is YOU being in control of your bipolar, instead of the other way around. You do NOT have to be one of the statistics!

I believe that happiness is a state of mind. I'm not talking about the excessive joy of mania, but that there is room for happiness in your life. You just have to work for it.

At its simplest, happiness is the absence of depression. Realistically speaking, you will still have setbacks on your way to stability, which will affect your state of happiness, but one bad bipolar day does not an episode make. And you will be happy again.

It helps if you have a positive attitude. When I was a negative thinker (or doubter, at best), I had many more episodes than if I had not been.

Today I am stable and happy, in spite of having bipolar disorder, so I know that it is possible.

I'm not saying that it won't be a struggle in the beginning, because it will be, but you can overcome it.

When you reach stability and have good things in your life, do things that you enjoy, be a positive person, and surround yourself with people who love you, that equation can add up to happiness for you.

I can't lie - I still have bad bipolar days. But I always keep in mind that, in general, my life is a happy one, and I will get that back once the mood has passed. And it WILL pass (there's my positive thinking in action).

If you are struggling with your bipolar disorder right now, I would encourage you NOT to lose hope! Your life can be happy again.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Just Another Day in Bipolar Paradise

I was just thinking that if anyone else were to read my daily journal, they would probably think I had the most boring life of all. Well, today is just another day in bipolar paradise! Meaning that, yet again, nothing exciting is happening.

I prefer it that way, though. I would rather have my mundane, routine, organized life of stability with my BP than to go through the rollercoaster ride I used to be on all the time.

If no one else has told you, then I will tell you - it's OK to have a "regular day!" An ok day. A normal day.

Some people with bipolar disorder miss their manic highs, but I don't. They caused me to do things I wouldn't normally do - like get married twice during the year I was 19.

Now my life is settled. I have been with my best friend for 10 years and married to him for 3 years (almost). He has bipolar disorder, too, so he feels the same way as I do.

Someone else might think our lives are boring, and/or that stability means boredom, but we don't agree.

Because we're stable, we are responsible, and we know what we're doing! We have Date Night every Friday (even tho we're married), we go out to eat, shopping (normal shopping!), etc.

The point is, your life with bipolar disorder is what you make it. If you want stability to equal boredom, then you won't do anything. But if you want stability to be the freedom to do what you want and go where you want without fear of a bipolar episode around the next bend, then you can have that instead.

I don't care if other people find my life boring. I would choose boring any day over the chaos and drama that used to rule my world before I got diagnosed with BP.

To me, I do live in a bipolar paradise. I'm no longer having (bipolar) blackouts, I'm no longer suicidal, and I don't have to deal with the awful BP mood swings... all because I am stable.

I like that I am in control of my disorder, because I can help people who are struggling with their bipolar disorder, who are struggling with stability. I would hope that they would get the message that if I can recover, so can they.

A stable bipolar life does NOT have to be boring! It's all up to you.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Bipolar Disorder and Peace of Mind

Hey, y'all --

I was just thinking about my bipolar disorder, and all the wreckage it has caused in my life. The peace I have now was fought hard for. But I'm here to tell you that you CAN have peace and bipolar disorder at the same time.

Many people, especially when first diagnosed, are under the misconception that you will just go from episode to episode, but that's not true. Bipolar disorder can be managed to the point that you have peace in your life (i.e., relief from episodes).

You just have to do certain things to maintain your stability.

Definitely avoid stress and anxiety, which can come from many places and destroy your peace of mind.

Avoid toxic people, places, and things - anything that will take away your peace.

I know you care about other people, but sometimes if you take their problems on yourself (instead of just listening), you will lose your peace.

My medication is of prime importance to my stability. Even though it took awhile to get it right, my "sanity cocktail" works very well at keeping me stable, and helping me to keep my peace of mind.

Having a routine helps me a lot as well. I go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time every day. I eat at the same time every day. I have my regular appointments with my doctor, psychiatrist and therapist. It helps my peace of mind to know that some things are predictable.

And when something (or someone) does threaten my peace of mind, I pray until I get that peace of mind back. Because without peace, my bipolar disorder will take control of me, instead of the other way around.

You don't have to go from episode to episode, always worried when the next one will hit if you have peace. You can make the most of your normal periods which, with peace, should be fewer and farther between.

I live a very simple life. I know it would be too stressful for me to work outside the home again, so I love my job writing for www.bipolarcentral.com. This way, I can work from home, make some money, and keep my peace.

I don't have a lot of friends, but those I do have are close. When they have problems, I listen to them, and give advice if it's asked for, but I don't take their problems on myself. I know from experience that that only leads to more stress for me, and stress leads to episodes. I've found out it's ok to say "I don't know" when it comes to giving advice. It helps not to own other people's problems.

I have a wonderful supporter, my husband. He will notice even usually before me whether my peace has been interrupted, or if I'm showing symptoms of a bipolar episode. And he helps me get back on track.

When I have problems, I ask myself two questions:

1. Is there anything I can do about it?

2. Is there anything I can do about it RIGHT NOW?

Those help me to keep things in perspective. If there's nothing I can do about it right now, I have to let it go and not worry about it. It's just too stressful otherwise.

Never underestimate the power of prayer when it comes to having peace. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I pray, and ask God to help me. It helps to know that I'm not alone.

Yes, peace can coincide with bipolar disorder, but that peace has to come from within, and you have to work at it.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

To Those Who Are Depressed - From My Heart

Hey, y'all --

Today I was made aware of a friend of a friend who is struggling with depression and suicide. She is on yet another medication that isn't working, and she just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I've been there. Some of you have been there. Maybe you're there right now. If so, please listen to me.

I was depressed for a long time. Diagnosed at 16 yrs old with chronic major depression, yet not diagnosed with bipolar disorder until I was in my 40's. That's a lot of sadness.

I would get so depressed that I wrapped my agony around me like a blanket and prayed to God not to wake up the next day, because it would just be more of the same -- like a knife in my heart that just couldn't be removed. I bled tears instead of blood.

I have tried to kill myself 5 times, starting from the time I was 12 yrs old. I couldn't see the end of the tunnel, either. I never thought my feelings of loneliness, desperation, despair, disappointment, and excruciating pain would ever go away.

I thought at one point that the world, especially my children, would be better off without me. I thought I was always going to be the way I was and feel like I did -- like a beaten dog, cowering in a corner.

A few years ago, my sister committed suicide because of bipolar disorder. I know how she felt. Like the pain would never end. Like life just wasn't worth living if it was going to be like this, day after day. My sister was on the wrong medication, and she stopped taking it, causing her to go into a deeper episode and just giving up.

When I got the news that my sister had killed herself, it was like someone had punched me in the gut. I don't remember breathing. I just remember repeating the words, "No...no...no..." over and over again. I had thought I'd known pain before, but it was nothing compared to the pain I felt then.

I vowed then that I would never try to kill myself again, because I could never hurt anyone else the way my sister hurt me. To those of you thinking of suicide, remember this. You may believe that your death will not mean anything to anyone else, or even that they'd be better off without you, but that is a lie.

You are worthy. You are loved and you are lovable. Bipolar disorder lies to you, distorts your thoughts into believing that you're not, but you ARE. Your presence in this life MEANS something. YOU mean something. You are loved, if by no one else than by God and by me. I may not know you, I may never meet you, but there is love in my heart for you right now. I know your struggle. I have been where you are.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. How do you know what tomorrow will bring? Tomorrow may be the very day that you pull out of this depression.

Yes, I struggled with getting stabilized on medication, just like my sister. Nothing seemed to work, or work for very long, for two whole years. But my doctor didn't give up on me, and we finally got the medications right, and I have been stable and happy.

If you have no other example, look to me as someone who has been where you are and come out on the other side. Scarred, perhaps, but ALIVE. I could never have known back then how good my life would be today. I could only see what was right in front of me, and that was overwhelming to me.

If you are thinking of suicide, please just hang on for one more day. Tomorrow may be the day that you come out of this depression. And if not, tomorrow, maybe the next day. Please, don't give up hope. There is always hope. Just don't let go.

Hope. That was what I had lost all those years I spent in depression. I had no hope. I felt so very lost. But I had no idea what the future would hold for me, and neither do you. There is a purpose for your life, just like there is for mine. I wish someone had told me that back then, and I wish I had believed them. There were so many wasted years...

Today my life is nothing like it was back then. Today my bipolar disorder is under control, and I am no longer depressed. I get sad sometimes when I think of my sister, because I ache in my heart to see her again, but the weeks and months of depression don't happen any more.

I have a good life now. Because I didn't give up. There really was light at the end of the tunnel for me, and there will be for you, too.

Hold onto these thoughts, do NOT give up, and remember that you are loved.

God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Musings of a Bipolar Mind

Hey, y'all --

Today I don't have anything specific to share... just some of my bipolar musings.

For one thing, I was thinking about having bipolar disorder to begin with, and how it affects my life.

I don't like the fact that I have the disorder, but I'm ok with having it, if that makes any sense. I guess I've just come to terms with it.

It took me out of a very stressful workplace where I was dangerously close to a complete nervous breakdown.

And it now allows me the freedom to work from home, where I am safe, stable, and sane, and can be around my husband, who is my greatest supporter.

I live in the country (by choice), where it is very peaceful. Whenever I feel anxious or stressed, I can go out on my porch and look at the Smoky Mountains, and my peace is restored.

When my sister died (killed herself because of unmedicated bipolar disorder), everyone talked to me about closure. I didn't want closure. But somewhere along the line, I did make peace with her death.

So I guess you could say I've made peace with my bipolar disorder, too.

I believe that the fact that I have bipolar disorder makes me more creative. I had always wanted to be a writer, and now I have something to write about. I love writing for www.bipolarcentral.com, and knowing that what I write helps other people who have bipolar disorder.

I am grateful for every single day I go without a bipolar episode. This is the true meaning of living "One Day at a Time." It's all I can handle, and is the way I cope with my disorder.

Life is good for me now. No more episodes around every corner, like it used to be. My life was so unmanageable at one time with undiagnosed bipolar disorder. Now, I don't know what I'd do without the medication that keeps me so stable.

But it's the lifestyle you choose that keeps you stable as well. I choose a peaceful lifestyle, and everything in my surroundings and in myself reflects that. If you keep allowing disruption and turmoil in your life, despite medication, your life will still remain unmanageable.

Peace at all costs. That should be my motto. If I even smell a stressful situation, I scurry the other way. Nothing is worth having a bipolar episode over.

Life is not without its challenges, however. Right now I'm having to go through foreclosure and bankruptcy on my house, and it threatens daily to steal my joy. It's a hard fight right now to accept that I have to go through it, and even tho I really had no choice, it sometimes still bothers me.

There was a book called "When Bad Things Happen to Good People," that reminds me that it isn't my fault that I have to go through this trial, and that's a comforting thought.

I control what is within my power to control, and nothing more. I have to accept unpleasant things in my life (we all have them, bipolar or not), but it's my choice whether I accept them with strength and dignity.

I like the expression, "Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger." I do feel that having bipolar disorder has made me a stronger person. I figure if I can fight the disorder on a daily basis (and WIN!), then I can handle the other things that life throws my way.

What do you think? Do you agree or disagree that bipolar disorder makes us stronger?

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Living with Bipolar Disorder Today

Hey, y'all --

I've been thinking about my bipolar disorder and how I have to live with it today. I may not like to do the things I have to do to be stable, but I sure do cherish stability itself.

There was a time when I went from episode to episode (I'm a rapid cycler), and didn't even realize how unmanageable my life was. I mean, half the time I was out of my mind, so how could I know?

I accepted the abnormal as normal, and that was my life. And a strange life it was! It took a long time to truly understand the effect that bipolar disorder had had on my past.

Living with bipolar disorder today means making concessions. I have to do things I don't like. But the trade-off is that if I do them, I get to hold onto my stability (and my sanity). So that makes it worth it all.

I have a much better life now than I used to have. It's great not to be in a battle with bipolar disorder any more. As long as I am stable, I am in control of it, and not fighting it.

I've learned to accept my disorder and work within the confines of it. And I don't mind that. It's much better than the alternative!

For example, I know I absolutely cannot work outside the home any more. It's just too stressful for me, and triggers me into a bipolar episode. But instead, I work from home writing for www.bipolarcentral.com, enjoying all the advantages of having a home-based business.

Living with bipolar disorder today means that I keep an attitude of gratitude. I have learned how to appreciate the smaller things. And to take each day as it comes. I accept things as they are now, instead of how I would like them to be.

Living with bipolar disorder today means that I am balanced - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I am more serene and appreciate my stability (and my daily life) more. I also appreciate the people in it.

I know I hate taking medication every day, but if the trade-off is the way I am living with bipolar disorder today, then it's worth every pill.

What about you? What is living with bipolar disorder like for you today?

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Is Having Bipolar Disorder Really That Bad?

Hey, y'all --

I am in the process of losing my house (don't worry, I have somewhere to go to), and I'm having to deal with the mortgage people. Yesterday, this woman called and became rather rude and cold when I told her I have bipolar disorder (she asked).

You would have thought she would have gone on in the manner she was already, but she seemed so ignorant about bipolar disorder that I just wanted to stop the whole conversation and teach her about the disorder and how to treat people who have it. But I didn't, because she said she knew about the disorder (couldn't tell that!), and then she went on like business as usual.

I guess it was her business to make me anxious and stressed, because if so, she accomplished her purpose.

But her attitude toward me was kind of like, "So what? Having Bipolar Disorder can't really be that bad."

Well, you and I know that it absolutely CAN be that bad! I wouldn't wish this disorder on anyone, but I'm sure if this woman had bipolar disorder, she wouldn't be as easy-going about it.

I know, I know, it's all about the money. That's her job. And I'll grant her that. But I think she might've been just a little nicer to me, and more understanding about my disorder.

I don't go out much, so I don't have a lot of social contact, and it kind of surprised me that there are still people out there who either haven't heard about bipolar disorder or don't know much about it, lumping all of us under a big umbrella that says "mentally ill."

It's a shame that even today we have to deal with the stigma surrounding mental illness in general and bipolar disorder in specific.

People who deal with others as part of their job (like this woman I talked to about my mortgage) should have a better understanding of other people and their problems.

Right now having bipolar disorder really is that bad for me! I'm having to handle the stresses and anxiety that come along with making a major move, and trying to keep myself stable at the same time.

Does it ever make you mad when other people don't seem like your bipolar disorder matters very much (in a negative way)?

Have you come across people who still submit to the fear and stigma associated with mental illness? Have you been treated differently because of it?

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Toughest Bipolar Question

I love "giving back." Through the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) In Our Own Voice Program (IOOV), I am finally able to do that. My main goals, through telling my story are to put a face on mental illness, and give hope for recovery from it.

Too many people are still afraid of those of us who have a mental illness. People fear what they don't understand. One of the ways NAMI fights this is through education. I look at my IOOV presentations as a way of educating people, so that they can see that yes, I have a mental illness, but that I am in recovery, and have the disorder managed very well with treatment.

It's important to me that the general public sees me as a regular person first, and a person with a mental illness second.

I always arrive early at my IOOV presentations, so I can meet and greet some of the attendees. They shake my hand, talk awhile, and then most of them are surprised to find that I'm actually the speaker! I've had many people tell me that if they hadn't heard me speak, they never would have even known I have bipolar disorder.

During the presentation there is an opportunity for questions from the audience. Invariably, I am asked the same question from other people with bipolar disorder - "What is the best medication for bipolar disorder?" It is one of the hardest questions to answer, but I answer it the same way every time.

"The best bipolar medication? Well, everyone is different, so what works for one person may not work for another. The best medication for each person is the one that works the best for them. Working with my psychiatrist, it took awhile to find the right combination of medication to give me the greatest stability."

I find that after that, other questions are easier to answer. The hardest part is keeping "you" statements out of the answers I give. But I just remember that I'm there to tell my story, and to promote NAMI, not to give any advice to the audience.

If they ask for an opinion, I usually just start with, "In my experience..." And I have found that those three key words keep me in "I statements" only.

I love doing IOOV presentations, and helping the general public gain knowledge of mental illness that they didn't have before, and encouragement for recovery to those consumers who might be in the audience.

I am so very grateful today to be stable and to be a good example for recovery. If I can give hope to just one person, then it is worth it.

God bless,
Michele