Musings of a Bipolar Mind

Hey, y'all --

Today I don't have anything specific to share... just some of my bipolar musings.

For one thing, I was thinking about having bipolar disorder to begin with, and how it affects my life.

I don't like the fact that I have the disorder, but I'm ok with having it, if that makes any sense. I guess I've just come to terms with it.

It took me out of a very stressful workplace where I was dangerously close to a complete nervous breakdown.

And it now allows me the freedom to work from home, where I am safe, stable, and sane, and can be around my husband, who is my greatest supporter.

I live in the country (by choice), where it is very peaceful. Whenever I feel anxious or stressed, I can go out on my porch and look at the Smoky Mountains, and my peace is restored.

When my sister died (killed herself because of unmedicated bipolar disorder), everyone talked to me about closure. I didn't want closure. But somewhere along the line, I did make peace with her death.

So I guess you could say I've made peace with my bipolar disorder, too.

I believe that the fact that I have bipolar disorder makes me more creative. I had always wanted to be a writer, and now I have something to write about. I love writing for www.bipolarcentral.com, and knowing that what I write helps other people who have bipolar disorder.

I am grateful for every single day I go without a bipolar episode. This is the true meaning of living "One Day at a Time." It's all I can handle, and is the way I cope with my disorder.

Life is good for me now. No more episodes around every corner, like it used to be. My life was so unmanageable at one time with undiagnosed bipolar disorder. Now, I don't know what I'd do without the medication that keeps me so stable.

But it's the lifestyle you choose that keeps you stable as well. I choose a peaceful lifestyle, and everything in my surroundings and in myself reflects that. If you keep allowing disruption and turmoil in your life, despite medication, your life will still remain unmanageable.

Peace at all costs. That should be my motto. If I even smell a stressful situation, I scurry the other way. Nothing is worth having a bipolar episode over.

Life is not without its challenges, however. Right now I'm having to go through foreclosure and bankruptcy on my house, and it threatens daily to steal my joy. It's a hard fight right now to accept that I have to go through it, and even tho I really had no choice, it sometimes still bothers me.

There was a book called "When Bad Things Happen to Good People," that reminds me that it isn't my fault that I have to go through this trial, and that's a comforting thought.

I control what is within my power to control, and nothing more. I have to accept unpleasant things in my life (we all have them, bipolar or not), but it's my choice whether I accept them with strength and dignity.

I like the expression, "Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger." I do feel that having bipolar disorder has made me a stronger person. I figure if I can fight the disorder on a daily basis (and WIN!), then I can handle the other things that life throws my way.

What do you think? Do you agree or disagree that bipolar disorder makes us stronger?

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele