What to Do When You Don't "Feel Like" Having Bipolar Disorder

Ok, I know I'm among friends, so I can admit this: Today is one of those days when I don't "feel like" having bipolar disorder. I have an attitude today - against the disorder. I resent the fact that I have no control over having it, only control over the disorder itself and how it manifests in me.

Well, bad attitude or not, it's still a good day, because any day without a bipolar episode is a GOOD day! I guess I'm just tired. Do you ever have one of those days? When you just don't feel like being in the battle that day? Yeah, me too, because every day is a battle with bipolar disorder - just that some days are better than others.

I hate having something incurable. That insinuates that there is something beating me, and I am a very competitive person! Really, you should see me playing backgammon with my husband - I'm ruthless! LOL

Yes, having bipolar disorder is a battle. But it's a battle you're winning if you are alive today. That's right - if you are alive today, you are winning your battle with bipolar disorder.

Because my sister didn't. One day she decided the pain was too much, the battle too wearying, the fight too hard. And she killed herself. Of course, in my heart I know that she never would have done that in her right mind - she was off her medications at the time she committed suicide. God, I miss her so much. But it makes me that much more determined that there are no more "Debi's" out there!

I have heard from or talked to so many "Debi's," people who just want to quit trying to fight their bipolar disorder. Right, some days are not great. I'll admit that. Even as stable as I am, I still get breakthrough depressed days. But what's the alternative? To do what my sister did? I don't think so. My life is too precious to me. As is my sanity. So I fight even when I don't "feel like" it.

If you're going through the same struggle, well, at least you know for one thing that you're not alone, eh? But I want to commend you, all of you, for hanging in there - for staying the fight no matter how weak and weary you feel. Because each one of you is a SURVIVOR! Ya know, they make a big deal out of cancer survivors (as they should), but just think of it - we are bipolar disorder survivors in just the same way! We are conquering our disorder by every day we go without an episode or symptoms.

When someone is in remission with cancer, they are without symptoms. Well, then, we are in remission from bipolar disorder every day that we don't have symptoms! See? We are doing it! We are surviving a deadly brain disease every day that we don't huddle under the covers wishing it away - every day that we get out of bed is a victory for some of us! And being stable is a victory for all of us!

If you're not there yet, don't worry - you will be. Because you are a miracle. Just by being a survivor of bipolar disorder.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele