Today the weather is gloomy, and my temptation is to let that affect my emotions and be depressed. So I quickly put on my bipolar armor and fight this, reminding myself that I am in control of my bipolar disorder and not the other way around.
It's my birthday today. I'm 52 years old. I could dwell on that thought and would certainly go into a depression over it, but today I choose not to. I choose, instead, to feel blessed that I have survived my own life and that today is another gift from God. I choose a positive attitude, because that is what saves me from the deep, dark depths of depression. And I do NOT want to go there!
Sometimes it is a "mind over matter" way of thinking that is necessary to avoid a depressive episode. You can feel it coming on like a dark cloak descending over your mind... yet you do have the power of refusing it. It's not unrealistic - in fact, it is necessary. You can acknowledge your negative thinking and still rise above it. You can choose not to be depressed.
I am not depressed today because I REFUSE to be depressed today. That's my "mind over matter." I will not allow the dragon even one piece of my day, much less to bring me down. I am stronger than the dragon today.
So, weather aside, negative emotions aside, I fight another day for the sanity which was hard-bought for me. I will try to keep a positive attitude no matter what. And, like all the other times I have felt like this, I tell myself "this too shall pass," and I will wait it out, doing the best I can to be positive instead of negative.
Is it truly that easy? That to lay bipolar depression by the wayside, all you have to do is think positive? No, of course not. It is always a battle. But I remind myself that I have been here before and I will be here again. I can never let down my guard, or the depression will overwhelm me. The bipolar disorder will win, and I cannot allow that to happen.
And, who knows? After awhile of positive thinking I actually can feel better. I am still in control, and that is important to me. The dragon is defeated yet again!
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
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