Happy Bipolar New Year!!!

Well, it's come and gone, so Happy Bipolar New Year to all of you! I hope you had a good holiday season. I'd say that I did, but of course you followed mine through my blog here, so you know! lol

Up and down, up and down, that rollercoaster ride has me in its seat this week. My sons got together over the holidays and I guess got into a big fight (the older two did, putting the youngest one in the middle), and now they're not even talking to each other. I want to scream, "You're being so immature!" at them, and wring their pretty little necks, but on the other hand, it's like looking into a mirror.

There were many years when I had undiagnosed bipolar disorder that I would drink to mask the symptoms of bipolar and would end up in fights with everyone, and I think that's what happened here. But who am I to judge? I mean, I'm not judging - I love them all equally, they're all my sons, and it hurts horribly to see this going on. But I do believe that their bipolar disorder (undiagnosed) has something to do with it, and the drinking has the rest to do with it.

You just cannot mix the two. Especially when you throw emotions into the mix. Things gets stirred up, things get said that shouldn't get (and normally wouldn't get) said, and then there's a whole bunch of hurt feelings. When you've got men who've been drinking, there is no talking it out - it turns into fisticuffs. So then came the pushing. And my one son just left the other two at the bar and came home (he was staying with us), no longer talking to his brother.

Now, this hurts me to no end, but I also understand it. There was a period of time when I wouldn't talk to my sister, either. Don't even remember what started it. Drinking, I'm sure, had something to do with it. But I don't remember what was said, and before she died and we reconciled, neither did she. But we both had bipolar disorder, and of course for whatever the fight was about, we each were right. And we fought miserably for years about it. Funny that, in the end, neither of us could even remember what had started it.

After I got treatment for my bipolar and my addictions and alcoholism, I tried to make amends to a many people as I could (there were alot). Most of the time I couldn't remember what it had been about. I ony knew there were bad feelings between us. And I asked for forgiveness for whatever I had done. In most cases I received it, and boy, did that feel good. I didn't have to remember the fight to get that feeling of peace and joy.

Today I have no fights with anyone. I am at peace with everyone. I no longer drink, so no more drunken brawls. And my bipolar symptoms are well-medicated, so no more fights from that, either. I get along with everyone. How I wish I knew back then, when I was unmedicated, and self-medicating my bipolar symptoms with alcohol and drugs, that I didn't have to do any of that. I really wish I'd known that life could be as wonderful for me then as it is for me today.

Peace and joy, serenity and stability (along with sobriety) are my constant companions these days, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I no longer have to be right about everything. I no longer have to fight about everything. I can just be ME. And live in peace with my family, friends, and other people. And they with me.

Happy New Year, everyone. May it continue to be as peaceful as it has started.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele