Good Bipolar Days

There just aren't enough good bipolar days, I'll tell you that. I wish I had more of them, but who am I to complain, when I used to have so many bad ones that I never thought my life would have any semblance of normal, much less be as good as it is now?

I really am grateful, though, for the good days that I do have. I try to accomplish as much as I can on those days, too, because I never know what the next day is going to bring - whether it will be another good day or a bad one. That's the unpredictability of bipolar disorder.

Oh, but sometimes the good days are just so good, aren't they?

My favorite days are my do-nothing, laze around the house, watch DVD's, Sundays. I don't have to do anything, be anywhere, see anyone...I can just relax and be a couch potato if I want to! Oh, it's so much fun to just be lazy, isn't it? I love it!

It's different when you work hard all week and earn a lazy Sunday day than like it used to be when you'd be so depressed that every day was a bad bipolar day and you couldn't get out of bed or off the couch.

On good bipolar days you can accomplish so much! You can get everything done off your To-Do-List that you can, and even if you can't, it doesn't bother you - you just put it off till the next day.

On good bipolar days you feel so good about yourself - not like you used to when you would get so down on yourself on those bad bipolar days, not just feeling bad about the day, or the disorder itself, but about yourself (and others) as well.

On good bipolar days, everything just seems better than on other days. You just feel better about everything in general. You feel more stable, and in a better mood. Not manic or anything, just in a good mood. Gosh, don't you just love good bipolar days?

On good bipolar days, even if something bad does happen, you feel more able to cope with it - your problem solving skills are better than they are on a bad bipolar day. You can handle things better on a good bipolar day. Most things don't seem to bother you, either. You have more peace and joy. It's just a good day!

On good bipolar days it doen't bother you so much that you have bipolar disorder. You feel like you're managing the disorder pretty well, and that you're doing really well. And that's a good feeling - to feel like you're on top of this thing instead of the other way around, like you might feel on a bad bipolar day. It's great to feel like you're in control, isn't it?

On good bipolar days, everything is just GOOD, and that's the bottom line. They may not come very often, but when they do, we need to appreciate them.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

How to Beat the Bipolar Blahs

Ever get the blahs? Nothing's wrong, but you don't feel like everything's right, either. You don't feel like doing anything, and even if you did, you don't have the energy for it, physically or mentally.

You may not exactly be depressed, it may be more like a feeling of boredom or laziness, but yet not be any of those things. You just feel blah!

The worst part of it is that usually you don't know why you're feeling this way, all you know is that you DO feel like this. And it can be frustrating to not know why, so now you're not only blah, but you're frustratingly blah.

Believe me, I'm not making light of this subject. I know how serious it can be. Because if you don't get out of the blahs, you can get depressed, and that can lead to a bipolar depressive episode.

So the first thing I would suggest to get out of the bipolar blahs would be to see your doctor to find out if there is a physical cause for the way you're feeling. You could be anemic, you could have thyroid problems (usually women), you could be low in potassium or another mineral, you could be eating something toxic, you could have the beginning of the flu, or any number of physical problems that your doctor can find.

If the reason you're feeling blah is not physical, then you need to work on the problem yourself. For that I suggest a few things. First of all, in spite of how you feel, try to accomplish something. Anything. Maybe something you've been meaning to get to or something you missed on your To-Do List.

Another thing I suggest for the bipolar blahs is to pamper yourself. Take a nice, long, hot, luxurious bath and listen to some soothing music or other music that you like. And don't get out till the water turns cold!

Something else might be to do something good for yourself. Go shopping, and treat yourself to that little something that you've been wishing for (but make sure you're not manic!).

Take the time to cozy up to that good book that you've said you don't have time for, or read anything inspirational. Catch up on email or letters (you may not feel like talking to anyone). If you do feel like talking, call an old friend.

Take a long walk in the park or along the sand if you're near a beach. Sit on the swings at the playground and watch the children play. Do anything you want, as long as it makes you feel good and doesn't interfere with your bipolar disorder.

And while you're thinking about it... turn your thoughts to good things. Think about how far you've come with your bipolar disorder. Think about how things were a year ago compared to how they are now. Aren't you progressing? That's a good thing. And if you choose to, you can think about other good things, too.

Take care of yourself (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) and take care of your bipolar disorder, and pretty soon you'll find that you've beaten the bipolar blahs.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

Bipolar: What Are You Passionate About?

Everyone is passionate about something. Or at least they should be. It's part of what keeps the excitement in your llife. It keeps you heading toward your goals. It gives you determination. It is part of the makeup of your character.

I am passionate about helping people. Whether it is my writing or my speaking (one-on-one or groups), as long as I am helping at least one person, it helps to keep me passionate.

I'm sure you have read it in my blog - in my last one I was passionate about my sister and her suicide, and about people with bipolar disorder going off their medication (don't!). So suicide is something else I'm passionate about.

I want everyone to hold strongly onto their lives, no matter what they're going through. So I try to help people through what they're going through.

There's no disputing that I had a bad past. But I am passionate about using that past to help others. I believe that I went through what I did for a reason, and that reason is so I can help people.

Otherwise it was just a lot of wasted agony and suffering. But if just one person can benefit from my pain and suffering, then it was worth it.

It's kind of hard, having helping people to be what you're passionate about, because by its nature, bipolar disorder can be a very selfish disorder - it tries to keep you thinking only about yourself.

Like I had said in my last post, if you think about suicide, you are only thinking about your own pain, and not the pain you would cause those you'd leave behind if you did kill yourself.

A bipolar depression is another example - sometimes the depression brings you to self-pity, making it last even longer. At those times, it's hard to even listen to the encouragement of others through the ears of self-pity.

So what are YOU passionate about? Your job? Your hobbies? Your volunteer work? People? Your family? Your hopes and dreams? Your education? Your future? Your relationship? A cause?

I am also passionate about the cause of mental illness. I am involved with NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) and their program called In Your Own Voice, where you go to venues and tell your story of mental illness and recovery.

I am also a trainer in this program, training other presenters on how to tell their stories. I am truly passionate about this, because it helps to de-stigmatize mental illness and give people hope about recovery from it.

I am all about giving people, especially people with bipolar disorder and other disorders, hope and encouragement that things won't always be this way if they are struggling. I want them to know that if I can recover, so can they - that if I could reach stability, then it is a possibility for them as well.

Too many people with bipolar live isolated lives, with a negative outlook on their future - they have no hope that things will get better for them, but I am passionate about letting them know that things CAN get better, even if you have bipolar disorder.

I am a good example. By all rights, I should have been one of those "throwaway" cases, with no hope for stability, much less recovery. But look at me now! I was passionate about becoming an author, and I have achieved that dream, for one example.

I was passionate about re-establishing relationships with my children, and I have achieved that dream. I have been passionate about several things and have achieved those dreams as well.

If you know what you are passionate about, you have a direction to your life. I hope you have that direction. But if you don't, I encourage you today to think about this topic. What ARE you passionate about?

If you don't know, come up with something, and throw yourself into it. It will make a difference in your life, believe me! And possibly in other people's lives as well!

Be passionate!

Wishing you peace and stability,

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

Remembering Debi's Suicide

I was communicating with someone yesterday and she brought up my sister Debi, which started me thinking about her again. I mean, I think about her alot, but not like I used to - every day, and of course the tears would come. I never thought I would get over her suicide.

In case you are a new reader, my sister Deb was only in her forties when she went off her bipolar medication, got a gun (on impulse), and killed herself. It was all out of the blue. No suicide note. No hints. No indications. No threats. No prior attempts. No nothing. Just one day she was here and the next day she wasn't.

It tore me to the core. I felt like I had died with her. It took over FIVE years before I could talk or write about her without crying. I still do sometimes, especially if it's been awhile, or it's her birthday or deathday (I celebrate both). Or today.

I'm ok with older people dying, because I feel like they've lived out their lives, but I am not ok with my sister dying. She was too young. She had so much still to do. But the worst of all - we never got to say goodbye. Yes, I'd say that was the worst of all.

God, how I miss her. In all the literature on bipolar disorder, you read about the statistics on people with bipolar committing suicide (1 in 5), you read about the reasons they might do it, you can read all about suicide, but never does it actually prepare you for it happening in your family. Never.

Never does any of the books or literature tell you how very painful it will be when you lose a loved one to this disorder. The pain is just indescribable. Unbearable at first. You can't breathe. You feel like you can't go on. When I was told the news (over the phone), I felt like I was punched in the stomach and all the air was sucked out of me. All I could say was, "No, no, no." Even today that pain is as palpable as it was then.

It shouldn't have happened. It never would have happened if Debi had stayed on her bipolar medication. This woman was the very definition of verve, of life. Just being around her would lift your spirits! You felt better just having her in your life. There are some people who enrich your life just by being a part of it, and Debi was that kind of person. She is terribly missed, by more than just me.

So if you are struggling right now, seeing suicide as a viable option to your problems, think again. Stop thinking of yourself and your own pain and suffering and think about the pain and suffering you will cause those you will leave behind, because it will be enormous, more than you could imagine. We still mourn my sister's death, and it's been 6 years since she killed herself. Someone said you eventually get over it, but I don't think I ever will. I loved her that much. You are loved that much.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Don't forget to check out my book on bipolar at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

Bipolar: Follow-up News

Sorry it's been awhile since I've written, but I've had my hands full. We had to fly my husband down from Tennessee to Florida with assistance from a walker and a wheelchair, but at least we got him here. He still needs a lot of care, and isn't walking yet, but the walker and wheelchair help him. Between the two, he gets around pretty good.

At least his bipolar disorder is stable, though, and that's important. One less thing we have to worry about. He does get bored, though, because he used to be so active, and this accident and its injuries have so limited his activity, there's not much for him to do.

I'm doing pretty good for a newly appointed caretaker. It's kind of hard because I'm so used to being so independent, and now I'm so needed, but I'm getting used to it, I guess. I mean, I've been through bipolar episodes with my husband, so this is kind of like that, being a supporter, just that it's lasting longer. But, in time, he'll get better. Just like he did with his bipolar disorder.

What's hard about it is what's hard about bipolar disorder for any family. I mean, here you are, going along fine in your life, then bipolar goes off like a bomb in the middle of your life and everything is changed. There are so many things you have to do differently. Some things you just can't do. This accident is like that (we'd already dealt with the bipolar).

I guess anyone who has dealt with any adversity in their life can relate to what I'm going through now. I wish things could be the way they were before (smooth and even, coping), but I also know I need to cope with things the way they are now, and not the way I wish they were. That's one of the coping skills (mindfulness) I learned when I was learning how to cope with my bipolar disorder.

I have to believe that things will get better, my positive view of life demands that. In the meantime, I will do the best I can with each day as it comes. If you have any encouragement, though, I sure could use it!

Wishing you peace and stability,

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

Bipolar Priorities

My husband was in a car accident this past weekend, totalling the car and nearly himself. I haven't been able to go to the hospital to see him, because I have no transportation now, so I relying on phone calls with the nurses to find out how he is doing. Needless to say, I am worried about him. I don't know how I'm handling all this. Seriously, if it weren't for the Lord, I don't think I could handle it at all. But I do know one thing - I have to still keep my priorities right, or I'll end up in a bipolar episode, and I don't need that on top of everything else. So I'm making sure that I still take my medications, sleep right, and I'm trying to eat, even though I have no appetite. I just keep thinking that I have to keep my bipolar disorder priorities in check, to take care of myself while the hospital takes care of my husband. Sometimes adversities come upon us, and we don't know why. They just happen, usually out of nowhere. We don't ask for them, we don't deserve them. But they happen nonetheless. But we still have choices in how we handle them. We can come from a place of strength (no matter how weak we feel), or we can fall apart, and then we just make the situation worse. We need to remember our bipolar priorities. Remembering our bipolar priorities means that we take care of ourselves (and our bipolar disorder) first. We make sure to take our medication, get enough sleep, and eat right. We also try not to isolate, because that can lead to depression, and depression to a bipolar depressive episode, and we do not want that (that's what we're trying to avoid, in fact). So, in spite of what's happening with my husband, I have to focus on myself. Some people might think that is selfish, but if you look at it in terms of bipolar priorities, you can see that it isn't - it is simply trying to avoid a bipolar episode, which would make everything worse. I know that my husband is being well taken care of in the hospital. His needs are being met, including his bipolar needs (they are giving him his bipolar meds, etc.). So who is going to see that my needs are met if I don't? This is something that I have to do for myself, since my husband was my primary supporter. I hve other supporters, like my family, but they are long distance, and I have to depend on their support over the phone (which I am doing on a daily basis). I am the only support I have here at hand now. So I do what I have to do to stay stable. Like I said, I take my bipolar meds, get enough sleep, and try to eat right. If you have come upon adversity (or it has visited you), take my advice. Keep doing the things you need to do to stay stable. Take care of yourself like I'm doing - take your meds, get enough sleep, and eat right. You've got to keep your bipolar disorder under control, even under the worst of situations. Keep your bipolar priorities where they belong and you will stay stable. Wishing you peace and stability, Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com Remember God loves you and so do I, Michele

No Scientific Proof of Bipolar Chemical Imbalance

I read an article recently that stated that there is no scientific proof that bipolar disorder is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Well, knock me over with a feather! A chemical imbalance in the brain is the best explanation I have found for my bipolar disorder, and the one that I use to explain it to others, and the one easiest for them to understand. It really doesn't bother me that the scientists don't have proof for it, because I usually find that unless the drug manufacturers are involved (big money), people are hard pressed to push for a scientific backing for any explanation of anything! Sorry, just my opinion. But really, show me another explanation, then. One that makes sense. Because a chemical imbalance makes the most sense to me, scientific backing or not. And another thing - again, scientific backing or not - if it's not a chemical imbalanc, then why does the medication work so good on it for me (and so many others)? I am a firm proponent for the "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" philosophy of life. If the idea of a chemical imbalance as an explanation for bipolar disorder works, why not use it? What do I care whether there is "scientific proof" or not? Just because there haven't been a gazillion studies done on the theory does NOT mean it isn't true! I am living proof that the theory is true, and the fact that the medications I take to "fix" the chemical imbalance in my brain WORK is also proof that the theory is true. If there were a study to prove the theory, I would be first in line to help prove it. Nuff said. Wishing you peace and stability, Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com Remember God loves you and so do I, Michele

Keeping the Bipolar Balance

I know firsthand how difficult this is to do, but it is still crucial to keep the bipolar balance when dealing with bipolar disorder. In other words, we can get excited, but we can't get TOO excited, and we can get sad, but not TOO sad.

If we go to the extreme either way, we can end up in a bipolar episode, and that's a bad place to be for us, as all of us have experienced.

It's best to avoid extremes in life anyway - any extremes. We should all be maintaining balance, as that is the best way to keep a healthy lifestyle - mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

If you go the extreme mentally, you will probably end up with a migraine from extending your mind too far and for too long. If you've seen the movie A Beautiful Mind, you've seen a good example of going to the extreme mentally.

If you go to the extreme emotionally, well, in our case, you can end up at the very least with some heavy duty stress and anxiety, and at the most with a bipolar episode from the emotional overload, or mood swings that come with the extreme emotions.

If you go to the extreme physically, the least that will happen will be that you will experience muscle fatigue - but the worst that can happen is that you can do real damage to those muscles - strains, pulls, or even tears, much less a complete breakdown if we're talking real extremes here.

If you go to the extreme spiritually, well, we've all heard the term "religious fanatic." You need a healthy balance even spiritually so as not to go too far as to lose sight of reality.

Some people with mental illnesses that involve psychoses such as delusions or hallucinations, like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, have even been known to imagine themselves as Jesus Christ or God or an angel (or some other deity), or to believe other religious false beliefs, or to hear "angels" or "demons" speaking to them.

In all those areas, it's important to have balance, so you can stay rational, and not to get out of control. The more you are in control of your thoughts and feelings, the less chance you have of going into a bipolar episode.

It is so important, when you're living with and coping with bipolar disorder, to stay rational in the area of your thoughts and feelings. The way to do this is to maintain a healthy balance in all the areas I just talked about.

If you do that, you can attain and maintain stability in your life. And stability is the greatest part of recovery for anyone who has bipolar disorder.

You'll feel better as well. If you are balanced, there will be a definite reduction in stress in your life. Your anxiety will be lower. Even your blood pressure will be less. And those migraines I talked about with extremes in mental stress? They could even vanish!

There are many benefits to having a healthy, balanced lifestyle. You will feel much better mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. You will not only have less stress and anxiety in your life, but you will have less bipolar episodes that are triggered by that stress and anxiety as well, which will lead to longer periods of normalcy for you.

Only you can bring more balance to your life. If it can't be balanced right now, at least work toward making it more balanced, a little at a time, until such time as it will be a balanced life, as that is important. You need a balanced life if you want stability in it.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

Having an Irritable Bipolar Day

What can I say? Sometimes it happens. Today I am in an irritable bipolar mood. Just one of those days when nothing seems to be going right. And, I hate to say it, because it is so cliche, I actually broke a nail today. Don't you dare laugh!

So what do I do when I get one of these irritable bipolar days? First, I try to get in a better mood. I try to be more positive. You see, most of the time, it's your attitude that determines your mood anyway. So if you have a positive attitude, you're usually in a good mood, and if you have a negative attitude, you are usually in a bad mood.

So I start with my attitude. Its obviously not the best of attitudes, or I wouldn't be in this irritable state of mind. I wish it were different, but I'm just trying to be honest with you. Happens to the best of us. Has nothing to do with stability.

I'm still stable, just a little off-base today. Can't even say what started it, seemed to come on all of a sudden. Must've been that broken nail, do you think? That would put any woman into a bad mood. lol

Laughing. Now that'll do someone some good. If I don't take myself too seriously, I won't take my situation too seriously, and then my attitude will instantly change. Like the crack about the broken nail. It's really not a big deal. Therefore, my situaiton must not be such a big deal after all, eh?

I mean, I could make it a big deal if I wanted to, but in that case I could make my whole day more rotten than it has to be if I want to, too! But I choose not to do that.

In fact, I choose (and it is a choice) to mellow out and be in a better mood today.

I do NOT want to be irritable today! I just do NOT like how it makes me feel! Do you know what I mean? And since I believe that we do have control over our moods (most of the time, at least when not in a bipolar episode), I take control and decide NOT to be irritable today!

There! I feel so much better now! Don't you?

Wishing you peace and stability,

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

Bipolar? What if You Are Unmotivated?

Let's face it - if you have bipolar disorder, there are going to be times that you feel totally unmotivated. So what can you do about it?

Many people just go with it. They'll stay in bed, or veg on the couch watching TV all day, staying unmotivated and unproductive.

But that's not what you really want, is it? Staying unmotivated and unproductive can lead to downright laziness. And you don't want that. Especially if it goes on too long. It can lead to depression, and depression can lead to a bipolar depressive episode.

Ok, so you don't want to stay unmotivated. Where do you start?

Start by doing just one thing. It doesn't even have to be a big thing. Just one small thing.

That's how I tackled the biggest task I had at hand at one point - my cluttered dining room talbe, which I never thought I'd be able to do. So do you know how I did it? One small piece at a time.

The big secret? Just get started. Just do it!

Once I got started, I found my motivation. I just kept doing one small piece at a time, a little at a time, until (a week later) the whole table was cleaned off.

Is there something you've been putting off because of a lack of motivation? Then remember the secret - just get started. Do just one small part of the task.

If it is a large task we're talking about, you could start off with a list - make a To-Do List of the smaller tasks it will take to accomplish this bigger task. Then start on one of the smaller tasks - but get started at least!

Sometimes I don't feel like writing this blog (ok, so the confession is out), I just don't feel motivated. But I find that if I just start it, just start writing those first few sentences, that the rest seems to flow. I get my motivation, it just comes, if I just start the beginning.

Sometimes our tasks can happen like that - if we just start them, the motivation will come. But it's up to us to start them. Just do the beginning, and the rest will flow.

So what do you do when you are unmotivated? Sometimes you can do one little bit at a time, and sometimes you can just start the project (or task) and the rest will come.

What else can you do? Maybe you can use someone else to help you get motivated. Like a friend, supporter, or family member. They may be more motivated than you are, and perhaps you can "catch" their motivation (enthusiasm) for the job. Sometimes working alongside someone else can be motivating in itself. Just having the company can help you.

Other times you just have to let it go. Procrastinate it till another day. If you are truly unmotivated, and none of these suggestions will help you, you may have to set the task aside and try again tomorrow. It may not be worth the frustration.

Just make sure that you are ready for the guilt that may come upon you, and stay rational - tell yourself that you DO intend to tend to the task, you will just make another go at it tomorrow, whene you hope to feel more motivated than you were today.

It's important to remember that things like unmotivation are very real to people who suffer from bipolar disorder, and this may come upon you, so be ready for it. Have a game plan in advance for what you're going to do when it does happen. Then you'll be on top of things.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

Coping with Bipolar Hassles

You've heard the expression "make a mountain out of a molehill," right? Well, there's a woman in my parents' neighborhood who does just that with her bipolar disorder and issues associated with it.

Everything that happens in her life falls into these categories: chaos, drama, a crisis, and the impossible. And when she's in a bipolar episode, of course, you can add paranoia fantasies as well.

What is chaos, drama, a crisis, and the impossible to this woman used to be the same to me, but with stability, have been reduced simply to hassles now.

Coping with bipolar hassles is possible. It can even be like sluffing off flies on a hot summer day sometimes, when you're feeling strong and in control.

Even when you're not at your best, you can still fend off bipolar hassles by being positive and doing the best you can with what you've got. Just stay strong, remembering that you are in control of your disorder and not the other way around.

Sometimes coping with bipolar hassles means asking for help. I know, at times that can be one of the hardest things we have to do, but it's one of the most successful, if we carry through with it.

Sometimes other people are more adept at handling our hassles than we are, because they can see our situation objectively. They may have even been through what we are going through now and know what they're talking about.

We can sometimes cope with our bipolar hassles just by the advice we can garner from other people, as they may have gone through the same thing and come awya from it successfully, so we have to be willing to listen to advice - it can really benefit us.

Hassles are going to come, just by the fact that we are living with a mental disorder. In fact, just by the fact that we are living! Everyone has hassles - it's how you deal with them that counts.

It is very possible to cope with bipolar hassles. Just stay open to other people's thoughts, opinions, and advice on your situation, for one thing.

For another thing, keep a positive head about you - don't make it into chaos, drama, a crisis, or the impossible.

For another thing, remember who's boss - and it is you who are in control of your bipolar disorder and not the other way around.

Be strong, be positive, and know that you CAN get through bipolar hassles.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

Bipolar? Don't Let It Get You Down

If you have bipolar disordere there's one thing that can really get you down if you let it - discouragement. Of course, it's kind of the same thing, isn't it?

But you can control how you feel by controlling how you think.

Haven't you ever noticed that when you have positive thoughts, you are in a good mood, and the opposite is true as well? The next time you're in a bad mood, check out your thoughts - I bet they're bad ones.

With bipolar disorder, we can be over-sensitive sometimes, so discouragement can set in easily. Sometimes the slightest thing can get us down.

We want to be stable, we want to be recovered, we want to be normal. Then we wonder why we don't have it all yet? Why isn't it happening? And we get frustrated at the lack of progress, which discourages us.

There's a lot going on in our lives. Other than those people with the disorder who are experiencing a bipolar depression and can't get out of bed, the rest of us are (usually) very busy living our lives.

Hopefully, we're too busy to let things get us down, but every once in awhile, I know in my case, something negative will sneak its way in. I don't want it to, but it will anyway.

The thing is, what will you do with that negative thing that sneaks its way into your life on that day? Remember, "life is 1% what happens to you and 99% your reaction to it." So it's your choice.

The choice is in how you're going to react. Are you going to be negative or positive? Because you are made up of your choices. Your choices determine your actions. And your thoughts determine whether those choices are good or bad ones, therefore whether the actions are good or bad ones.

It's all in your attitude. Good or bad? Ar eyou going to let it get to you? Are you going to let it discourage you? Or are you going to fight this thing? Put it under YOUR control?

Putting a potentially discouraging thing under your control is really very simple - you just out-positive it. Just remember that you are going to beat this thing - that YOU are the one in control. That YOU are going to recover. That YOU are going to be stable. That you ARE going to be able to do it, no matter the odds against you!

Stay positive, and it won't matter what comes against you. You will win!

Wishing you peace and stability,

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

Bipolar? Don't Compare Yourself to Others

One thing I see alot of people with bipolar disorder do is compare themselves to other people, both those with the disorder and those without it. In my opinion, you're only hurting yourself if you do that.

A great person said, "for always there will be greater and lesser people than you." So if you compare yourself to them, sometimes you may find yourself lacking, and sometimes you may find yourself better than them (which may give you a bigger head than you deserve and, in our case, can even lead to mania).

Take for instance this most recent case with Charlie Sheen and all this publicity and rumors over whether his bizarre behavior is related to bipolar disorder or not.

If you compare yourself to Charlie Sheen, you might find some similarities. Does that make you like him? Or better or worse than him?

It makes it hard to get along with other people when you compare yourself to them. Again, as with the analogy with Charlie Sheen. You may ask yourself are you better or worse than the person? And this can make for a strained relationship, especially if it is a close one.

In a close interpersonal relationship, if you think you are better (or smarter, etc.) than the person with whom you are involved, you can inadvertently make them feel "less than," or "not as good as" you. This can strain the relationship, or even lead to a breakup. All because you are comparing yourself to them.

The worst case scenario is people with bipolar disorder who compare themselves to people without the disorder and find themselves lacking, which can send them into a depression, thinking things like, "I'll never be normal. I'll always be sick. Things will always be like this, they'll never get better."

And this type of thinking can really discourage you, or even send you into a bipolar depressive episode. Maybe even keep you there for a long time (or, at least, unti you change your thinking and/or stop comparing yourself to others).

Some people with bipolar disorder compare themselves to others with the disorder and also find themselves lacking, and the same scenario can happen.

Or...they compare themselves to others with the disorder and can think, "Well, at least I'm not as bad as HE is!" which can be dangerous thinking, because you can get complacent and stop watching for signs and symptoms of a bipolar episode, and the next thing you know, you're in one!

The best thing you can do is just to worry about yourself. Don't compare yourself to anyone else, good or bad, and just take care of yourself. If anything, compare yourself to how you were doing a year ago - are you doing better or worse? Then make changes accordingly.

If you look back and see that you're doing better than you were a year ago, then kudos to you! That's great! If you're not, then you may have to change some things you're doing to manage your disorder, or step them up a bit, so that you can get better.

The main thing to remember is there is no competition here. The only one you should compare yourself to is YOU.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

Charlie Sheen and Bipolar

I've been reading and hearing alot about Charlie Sheen lately. So I decided to do some Google research on him, and do you know what I found? I found that even some of the top experts are saying that they believe that Charlie Sheen has bipolar disorder! They at least believe that something is mentally wrong with him, that's for sure, because of his behavior of late.

If you look at it objectively, you can see many of the signs of bipolar mania in Charlie Sheen's behavior (many of the manic signs): flights of ideas, fast talking, pressure to talk, irrational speech and ideas, jumping from subject to subject, acting as if running on a battery, excessive energy, interrupting, not being able to sit still, grandiose thoughts and ideas (and plans), starting things but not finishing them, etc.

In several (if not all) of his recent interviews (both radio and TV), Sheen has shown these symptoms. He even claimed to be a god in one of them! Now, that's definitely a grandiose thought! A good indication of a bipolar manic episode.

It has also been suggested that Sheen, who has done this before, is again using alcohol and drugs. This is common behavior for people who have bipolar disorder, who many times will use these substances to mask their bipolar symptoms, or to "self-medicate" them.

Then the problem is, however, that they may end up dual-diagnosed, and both problems need to be addressed and helped before they can get better (which is what is being predicted in Sheen's case).

The thing that is unmistakable is that Sheen's behavior is not normal. That's why there is all this speculation of a mental illness, breakdown, or even use of drugs and/or alcohol.

Of course, not everyone with bipolar disorder wears their symptoms "on their sleeves" so to speak. With many people, you can't even tell that they have the disorder if you you didn't know it.

However, these are usually the more high functioning and more stable people with the disorder. Not people who seem to be in crisis at the moment, like Sheen seems to be.

The problem with Sheen is that he is not reaching out for help, and that's what bothers me about the whole thing. I know that when I was really sick and didn't think I needed help (thought I could do this all by myself), I got worse. That's what I'm afraid is going to happen to Charlie Sheen as well.

Most of us have found out that we need other people in order to get better from bipolar disorder. We form a good strong support system to help us and we let them help us when we need them. We know that we are not alone. So we do get better. With help.

I sincerely hope that Charlie Sheen does not deny that he needs help, nor tries to get better on his own, or he will fail, or may even get worse. I'd hate to see that happen, wouldn't you? No one deserves that.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

Bipolar? Just Be Yourself

In my opinion, too many people with bipolar disorder believe what other people say about them. Well, let me tell you a saying I heard about that. "What other people think about you is none of your business." Pretty powerful, huh? Think about it.

It's better not to know what other people think or say about you, especially to your face, because then there's a chance you might believe them, and then... well, then it might change the way you feel about yourself.

Your opinion of yourself is the only opinion that matters. And that opinion should be high! You are special, don't you know that? Everyone with bipolar disorder is special.

We have gifts, for one thing. Most of us are more intelligent, talented and creative than other people are. If you don't believe me, check out famous people with bipolar disorder online.

You'll be amazed at the people who have the disorder just like you - people like Beethoven, Van Gogh, Edgar Allen Poe, Jim Carey, Robin Williams, Robert Downey Jr., Patty Duke, Carrie Fisher, and many, many others.

Look around at your own circle, the people you know who have bipolar disorder. Aren't they more creative, intelligent, and talented than others? You almost have to be, to live with this disorder, don't you?

Think about the way you approach things - you think outside the box. You come up with more creative solutions, not just the usual ones. Not just in a manic episode, but even in normal times, you have creative ideas. We are poets, musicians, actors, writers, artists... shall I go on? I repeat, we are special!

You should have high self-esteem! Just think of all the things you can do (some at the same time - we're geat at multi-tasking)! And do well, I might add. Some of us even struggle with perfection, we want things to be done so well. But that's because we care about things so much.

And we have a great capacity to love people. To show affection in creative ways. Just ask our supporters, family, and friends.

Unfortunately, that great capacity to feel so deeply, so strongly, can also be our downfall when we go into bipolar depressive episodes. But that's just one of the things with which we must struggle - it's just the nature of the beast.

But when we are happy, we are oh so happy! We can feel so good about everything - including ourselves. So much so that it doesn't matter what other people think about us - we can just shrug tat off, it doesn't matter.

If you don't like yourself now, give it time. It will come as part of recovery. You will get to know yourself, learn the good parts of yourself, and get to like yourself in time, as you grow, as you stabilize.

If your self-esteem happens to be low right now,just remember that it won't stay there forever - it will get better, as you feel better. Just be yourself, and remember that your opinion is the only opinion that counts. Don't try to be who you think others want you to be. Just be yourself. That's good enough.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Can People with Bipolar Have Dreams?

Ya know what really bothers me about bipolar disorder? It's when it beats people down, sometimes through other people, and makes them feel "less than," like that they can't have a normal life, or they can't look forward to things like vacations, can't go places, can't make plans, and CAN'T DREAM!!!

Of course we can dream!!! I am so sorry that someone convinced you that you can no longer have dreams - they were so, so wrong. It's like they stole your dreams right away from you! And that just isn't right.

Well, I'm here to tell you that you very definitely CAN DREAM! You can dream as much as you want to, about anything you want to! And nobody can stop you. You have a right to your dreams.

I have a son with bipolar, and he has a dream. He has wanted to go to college for so long, but missed the boat out of high school. He ended up in the work force for 11 years. Well, guess what? He is finally going after his dream, and he is going to college this May! Nothing is stopping him from living his dream!

Not the naysayers, not the people that say he's too old now, not the people that say he'll never make it, not the people that say he can't afford it, not the people that say he can't get financial aid, not the people that he can't do it because he has bipolar disorder, not the discouragers, not the downers, not anyone!

Because he is finally going after his dream. And he IS going to get it! He is determined. And he is NOT going to let anything or anyone stop him. Not even the bipolar. Especially not the bipolar.

Just because we have a mental illness does NOT mean that we can't go after our dreams! It doesn't have to put us down or hold us back in ANY way, not if we don't let it.

I had a dream. I wanted to be an author someday. Well, guess what? Not only did I not let the bipolar disorder stop me, I wrote about bipolar disorder! And now that book is on amazon.com and is helping other people. YES!!!

Dreams are great. They give us hope. And no one should be allowed to take that away from us. So don't let them! Ignore what they say. Believe in yourself and in your dreams. Think about my son. Think about me. And there are others.

There are a lot of people who wouldn't let bipolar disorder steal their dreams. Be one of them!

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Bipolar: You Can't Afford This

If you have bipolar disorder, there's one thing you can't afford - complacency. Complacency is just too darned close to giving up. And giving up, for us, can really do us in. It can mean that the bipolar wins and we lose, and we just can't let that happen.

Complacency can go from simply ignoring something or not caring all the way to the darkest depression imaginable, and everything in between. And if you don't think you have control over this, you're wrong, because you do.

If you feel yourself becoming complacent, or notice that you have become complacent, you can do something. Anything. But don't let it go on. Do something about it. Take control (whether it's of yourself or of the situation).

You can become complacent just by putting up with something for too long, when you should've done something about it. Well, it's never too late! Do something about it now! Take charge of the situation now! Be empowered - take back your control, and no longer be complacent.

Complacent implies not caring - not caring about what is happening around you and/or to you. Be proactive! Do something about it! CARE about it! Even though you're starting in the middle, at least you are starting somewhere, and that matters. It will change things.

You can make things better for yourself by coming out of your complacent fog and making a decision to get involved in your own life. Don't stand for what you have been letting go on any longer - stop it!

You cannot afford to allow complacency to have any hold over your life. YOU need to be in control. YOU need to be proactive. YOU need to be involved. YOU need to make decisions. YOU need to be front and center in your own life.

You can fight this. You CAN do it! Complacency no longer has to have any reign over your life. You no longer have to suffer from that bipolar episode you feel into because of complacency - you can bring yourself out of it. Just try! Just push! Just make the effort! Just take control!

You can change things. You can make a difference. You can take the reins back. You can get back in control of your own life! Just do it!

Wishing you peace and stability,

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Bipolar? Do Something!

We have a tendency to complicate things, especially when we're in an episode. Well, I read this new book on bipolar disorder and this man truly simplified everything - he said that when you're in a depressive episode and you're so overwhelmed that you can't even get out of bed, DO SOMETHING!

Even if it's taking a shower or making your bed, do something! Anything! He says to just "move your muscles." Simple. Not easy, but simple. Even if you have to force yourself to do it.

He was in this really bad, really dark, all-encompassing depression one time, he writes, and it was around Christmastime. He'd been sitting in the same spot for a long time. Just sitting. Thinking that that's all he could do, that he was too depressed to do anything else.

Then he thought of the "do something" idea. So he made himself decorate his house for Christmas. He didn't WANT to do it, he MADE himself do it.

After it was done, he felt a sense of accomplishment. He had done something. He had finished something he had started. He was still depressed, but a little less so, because he had made himself do something despite his depression.

He felt a little better about himself and his situation. All because he did something. Maybe he didn't want to do it, but he did it anyway, and look at the results.

I can so relate to this. There was a time when I was so depressed and feeling so overwhelmed that I was frozen and couldn't do anything. My dining room table had gotten cluttered to the point where you couldn't see the top of the table any more.

The more I looked at it and thought, "I should clean that," the more depressed and overwhelmed I got. It was awful. I stayed like that for months, frozen, unable to do anything about my dining room table and all that clutter.

Then one day I made myself pick at a corner of it. Just do a small part. A little bit of cleaning up the clutter. It actually exhausted me, because it was emotionally draining for me. But the fact was, I did it! Not a whole lot, but I did something. And I was able to look at it and think, "I did that." And to take pride in the fact that a corner of that mess was clean.

The next day I forced myself to do another corner. And I felt a little better. I felt a sense of accomplishment. I was actually proud of myself for having done something, and not just sitting around like I had been for months.

Each day I picked at a small part of that dining room table. Just a small part. I still didn't want to - it still seemed an overwhelming task for me. But I made myself concentrate on only a small part.

It took more than a week to clear off that dining room table, working at it this way, a small part at a time, but I did it.

I can't say that the depression miraculously lifted or anything, but I can say that I felt better for having done something. For accomplishing something when I'd felt so overwhelmed that even a shower seemed out of the question.

Gradually, by doing these "somethings," I did come out of that depression. Little things added up, and in time I was able to do more things, and to feel better about myself.

If you are in a depression right now, DO SOMETHING! Start small, like I did, like this man did... just do something, anything. Make yourself do it if you have to, but do it. Move your muscles, as he says!

Gradually your depression will be lifted, as you do more "somethings." As you start to feel better about yourself. You've got to start somewhere, and you've got to start sometime. How about now?

And don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Bipolar is Getting Better All the Time

Do you know why I left the bipolar support group I was in? Because everyone in it was so depressed and down about why they weren't getting any better - they were convinced that they would never get better with their bipolar disorder.

I didn't feel like I fit in with my attitude, like the old Beatles song, of "getting better all the time." I had been to hell and back, and had lived to tell the story. I figured anything else had to be better than what I had been through.

Plus, I had a very good, very strong support system, who encouraged me and helped me to believe that I would keep getting better.

That is so very important - to have that good, strong support system behind you, supporting you and encouraging you. If you don't have one yet, I would encourage you to get one now.

Your attitude is very important as well. You need to believe that you CAN get better, and that recovery WILL happen for you. Be positive. Negative thinking can really bring you down and make you like those people in my bipolar support group.

Positive thinkers are winners. Positive thinkers with bipolar disorder believe not only that recovery is possible, but that recovery is possible for THEM!

That's the difference that your attitude and thinking can make. It can be the difference between being stable or not for you. So be positive!

Practice being stable. If you walk the walk, you are bound to reap the results. Do the things that bring stability, like taking your medication, seeing your psychiatrist and therapist, eating a healthy diet, sticking to a good sleep schedule, exercising (even if it's just walking), being productive, not isolating, staying balanced (emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually), etc.

And be good to yourself. If you're not good to yourself, how can you expect anyone else to be good to you? Do things that you enjoy, that make you feel good. Things like hobbies, or even volunteer work. Or reading, listening to music, yoga or tai chi, watching tv or a video, visiting with family or friends, etc.

There is no limit, there are no rules. Just be good to yourself. The better you are to yourself, the better you will feel about yourself, and the better you feel about yourself, the better you will feel about other people, and the better you will treat them, too. Then the better they will treat you in kind.

You ARE getting better all the time. If you are working toward recovery each day and not sitting and being depressed about not being recovered yet, you are getting better. Each positive thing that you do brings you that much closer to stability and recovery. Stay positive and you'll get there!

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

What to Do When Overwhelmed by Bipolar Disorder

I had a bad night last weekend. A really bad night. I was just so overwhelmed by my bipolar disorder! It actually scared me. So much so that I had to pull out my bipolar toolbox and fight it with all that I had. So I thought that might be good to talk about, since if it happened to me, then it's probably happened to you as well.

It was just one of those days when I didn't take care of myself. I let everything get to me, you know? Instead of taking care of each thing as it happened, I let everything pile up until I felt overwhelmed.

See, even when you've been stable for a long time, and you know the right thing to do, it isn't a guarantee that you'll always do it. We're all human, and we all make mistakes. Well, last Friday, I made mistakes. I let things happen that I should have stopped in their tracks. What got to me is that I knew better!

So the next thing I knew, I was overwhelmed and in the middle of an anxiety attack, out of control. That's when I knew I finally had to do something or things would get even worse. That's when I took out what I call my bipolar toolbox and got to work.

The first thing was that I needed to get over that anxiety attack. So I had to start controlling my breathing. I did some deep breathing exercises to slow my breathing down and to lower the anxiety level as well. It worked.

However, I still felt a high degree of stress, so I did some stress reduction exercises. I laid down on my bed, and closed my eyes. I visualized myself on the beach in Florida, with the warm sun beaming down on me. I began to relax each part of my body, one part at a time, as I used my deep breathing at the same time. Gradually, my whole body was relaxed, and the stress was gone.

I was relaxed, and no longer overwhelmed. Now, that doesn't mean that I still didn't have to face my problems, because I did have to manage them. But I wa able to manage them in a much better frame of mind after relaxing my body and mind with deep breathing and relaxation exercises.

It doesn't matter how you do it - whether you use the methods I use, or yoga, or tai chi, or meditation, or imaging, or self-hypnosis, or whatever.

The important thing is that you have to change your frame of mind when you feel overwhelmed, or you will just feel worse. These are just methods that allow you to do it, that's all. Different people use different methods. You need to use what works for you.

You also need to learn your lesson and be prepared for the future. Don't let yourself get into the same position again! Don't let things build up like I did. Handle things as they come up and they won't pile up, making you feel overwhelmed.

Make sure you stay balanced as well. A well-balanced person never feels overwhelmed, because, well, because they are balanced! Make sure you are balanced mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Make sure your professional life is balanced with your home life, and that your family duties are balanced with your personal needs.

If you do these things, you won't be overwhelmed by your bipolar disorder.

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Normal for Bipolar Disorder

What IS normal for bipolar disorder? I get asked that so often. I usually try to get away with the usual "well, normal is different for each person," but undoubtedly some people just won't accept that simple an explanation.

Although it is true that normal IS different for each person with bipolar disorder, there are some things that can be similar - the main point being, first of all, that there CAN be a normal for someone with bipolar in the first place! Alot of people don't believe that, you know.

Alot of people with bipolar disorder believe themselves to be ABnormal, different, less than, not good enough, flawed, broken, damaged, or even worse. It is in the trying to deal wth these feelings that drives them to seek to be normal in the first place.

The fact is that although we have a broken brain, WE are not broken! We don't need to seek to be normall because we are already normal, for us. Just as somebody else is normal, for them. Remember, everybody is different! Not just everybody with bipolar disorder, but everybody in general. And "normal" can vary in so many ways.

If you want to define normal as "fitting in," well, except for episodic periods, we DO fit in! And we don't have that many episodic periods, when you look at the big picture.

If you want to define normal as not having problems, well, I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed there, as everyone has problems. They just may be different than yours. But to hope for a problem-free existence as a normal life is just not realistic. Not for you, not for anyone.

If you want to define normal as being balanced, with no mood swings, well, that can be accomplished with time and medication. Recovery IS possible for those of us with bipolar disorder. And recovery is as close to "normal" as we can get. Recovery, or stability, is the result of good management of our disorder, and can be achieved.

If you're not there yet, don't give up hope. Recovery IS possible. So is normal! I live about as normal a life as anybody I know, even those who don't have bipolar disorder, so I know it can be achieved. Just don't give up hope! You just may need more time.

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Does Everyone with Bipolar Disorder Lie?

I've noticed that a lot of people search for this topic, so I figured I should write a blog on it. Does everyone with bipolar disorder lie? That's something that many people struggle with - especially the supporters of a loved one with bipolar disorder.

One of the phenomena that happens to people who have bipolar is that, in a manic episode, we don't always remember what we've said or done during that episode once it's over.

So when our supporter reminds us of something we've said or done, we might deny it, because we don't remember it. Then it might seem as if we're lying, but the simple truth is that we simply don't remember it. This is the most common thing that happens.

Unfortunately, however, there are some people with bipolar disorder who do lie to their supporter. Say, to try to get away with something they've done in an episode. It could involve drugs or alcohol, infidelity, trouble with the law, or any number of things. But it does involve fear of getting caught. So they lie.

Even though the person with bipolar disorder lies, they usually end up getting caught anyway. Then they have consequences to deal with - usually the consequences of a very angry supporter, who didn't appreciate being lied to.

Many supporters complain that their loved one lies to them often, and this is a shame. It really doesn't accomplish anything, and it pushes the supporter further away from them. I honestly can't tell you what your loved one is hoping to accomplish by lying to you, as it's not something that I have done, so I don't understand it.

What I have found out in my research is that some people with bipolar disorder do lie and manipulate their supporters - it's a fact. The reasons, however, are not as clear. Like I said earlier, it might stem from fear of getting caught because of something they've done. That could be one reason. Fear is a great motivator.

Another reason could be that they are not aware that they are lying. It could be a part of their disorder. Irrational thoughts are a part of bipolar disorder, and they could be acting out on those irrational thoughts.

They could be lying thinking that they're getting away with something - something that they think you (the supporter) don't know about.

Whatever the reason, lying is one of the worst things that someone with bipolar disorder can do. It causes friction and fighting between them and their supporter, and can cause their supporter to lose trust in them. Sometimes the damage to the relationship can almost be irreversible, or need therapy to help it.

If you have found yourself lying to your supporter, stop. It won't do you any good. If you cannot stop, please seek professional help, like a therapist or a counselor. At any rate, apologize to your supporter and talk to them about the problem. Lying is not something you want to be doing in a healthy relationship, and having bipolar disorder is no excuse for lying.

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Happy Bipolar New Year!!!

Well, it's come and gone, so Happy Bipolar New Year to all of you! I hope you had a good holiday season. I'd say that I did, but of course you followed mine through my blog here, so you know! lol

Up and down, up and down, that rollercoaster ride has me in its seat this week. My sons got together over the holidays and I guess got into a big fight (the older two did, putting the youngest one in the middle), and now they're not even talking to each other. I want to scream, "You're being so immature!" at them, and wring their pretty little necks, but on the other hand, it's like looking into a mirror.

There were many years when I had undiagnosed bipolar disorder that I would drink to mask the symptoms of bipolar and would end up in fights with everyone, and I think that's what happened here. But who am I to judge? I mean, I'm not judging - I love them all equally, they're all my sons, and it hurts horribly to see this going on. But I do believe that their bipolar disorder (undiagnosed) has something to do with it, and the drinking has the rest to do with it.

You just cannot mix the two. Especially when you throw emotions into the mix. Things gets stirred up, things get said that shouldn't get (and normally wouldn't get) said, and then there's a whole bunch of hurt feelings. When you've got men who've been drinking, there is no talking it out - it turns into fisticuffs. So then came the pushing. And my one son just left the other two at the bar and came home (he was staying with us), no longer talking to his brother.

Now, this hurts me to no end, but I also understand it. There was a period of time when I wouldn't talk to my sister, either. Don't even remember what started it. Drinking, I'm sure, had something to do with it. But I don't remember what was said, and before she died and we reconciled, neither did she. But we both had bipolar disorder, and of course for whatever the fight was about, we each were right. And we fought miserably for years about it. Funny that, in the end, neither of us could even remember what had started it.

After I got treatment for my bipolar and my addictions and alcoholism, I tried to make amends to a many people as I could (there were alot). Most of the time I couldn't remember what it had been about. I ony knew there were bad feelings between us. And I asked for forgiveness for whatever I had done. In most cases I received it, and boy, did that feel good. I didn't have to remember the fight to get that feeling of peace and joy.

Today I have no fights with anyone. I am at peace with everyone. I no longer drink, so no more drunken brawls. And my bipolar symptoms are well-medicated, so no more fights from that, either. I get along with everyone. How I wish I knew back then, when I was unmedicated, and self-medicating my bipolar symptoms with alcohol and drugs, that I didn't have to do any of that. I really wish I'd known that life could be as wonderful for me then as it is for me today.

Peace and joy, serenity and stability (along with sobriety) are my constant companions these days, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I no longer have to be right about everything. I no longer have to fight about everything. I can just be ME. And live in peace with my family, friends, and other people. And they with me.

Happy New Year, everyone. May it continue to be as peaceful as it has started.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele