Well, today is kind of a sad day for me, as I remember what would have been my sister's birthday. She had bipolar disorder, too, except she went off her medications, went into a bipolar episode, and killed herself five years ago.
It doesn't get any easier for me. I mean, I have made peace with the idea that she killed herself, but never peace with the idea that I still miss her so very much. You see, we were like twins. Even in the face that we both had bipolar disorder.
The big difference is that I stayed on my medication, while she went off hers, went into a major bipolar episode, and took her own life. She never would have done that had she not been in an episode. That just wasn't like her at all. She had so much to live for.
Suicide for my sister, as it is for many people with bipolar, was the result of an irrational mind. She just wasn't rational at the time. She wasn't thinking good thoughts or making good decisions, or she wouldn't have done what she did.
She sure wasn't thinking about how it would affect those people who love her - it devastated all of us! We still remember her on her birthday (today) and on her death day, April 15th. I always put up her picture and light a candle for her. My mom does the same thing.
We miss her so much. It tooke years for me to get over the anger at the senselessness of it all. There was no reason for her to do what she did. Oh, but the bipolar made sense of it for her - it gave her irrational thoughts that she believed, so she took her own life because of those thoughts.
Every year at this time, I make a plea for people with bipolar disorder to stay on their medications - don't even think of going off of them!!! Otherwise you, too, could go into a bipolar episode and end up killing yourself like my sister did. I'd hate to see that happen to anyone else, and so I make this plea.
Even if things are hard for you at this time of year, which they are for many people, hang in there - things will get better. They would have for my sister, if she just would have hung in there.
The episode would have eventually gotten over, and she could have faced her problems and solved at least some of them. She had family who loved her very much, including a husband of 21 years.
If you are even thinking of stopping your medications, think of my sister. And don't! And if you are struggling right now and even thinking of suicide, remember no matter how bad things seem right now, they will get better - they always do. Just hang in there. And remember my sister. If she had only waited one more day, things would have been so much different for her...
Please, if you are thinking along these lines, just wait one more day, and things will be so different for you, too.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
ps. Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com
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