To Sleep Perchance to Dream (Shakespeare)

I love that quote by Shakespeare (at least I think it's by him, forgive me if it's not): "To sleep perchance to dream." At least I would have loved it last night if I'd gotten any sleep. Unfortunately, I didn't. Wish I could say I partied all night and had a great time, but I can't say that, either.

Just, for some reason unknown to me, my medications didn't work and I didn't get to sleep at all last night. Just a fluke, I guess. I mean, it wasn't for lack of trying, believe me. I even drank some Sleepytime tea and listened to a CD on Insomnia. Well, that at least relaxed me, but still didn't put me to sleep.

Still, I had to go through my manic checklist and make sure that I'm not in a bipolar manic episode. It's just something I do when something like this happens. Just to be on the safe side (I do it when I'm depressed, too). I'm not overreacting, just being cautious.

So I looked at my checkbook - no cash withdrawals, no checks written. 1 point for the good guys. No credit cards applied for, or any other online purchases made. Another point to the plus. No magazines bought from door-to-door salesman (that's always a point). No shopping sprees or unnecessary purchases (a huge point in my favor). So... finances secure.

I'm not suicidal or homicidal, no plans for either. Big point. No anger or hostility. Another point. A little bit of irritability, agitation, and frustration, but you'd feel that, too, if you couldn't sleep all night, so that's kind of a moot point.

I haven't gone through my house like Mr. Clean or rearranged my entire wardrobe (not that I would do that anyway, but I've heard that some people do in a manic episode), so I can't really award myself a point there, but you get my drift.

No erratic or risk-taking behavior. Point. No impulsive behavior. Another point. No out-of-control behavior. Another point. Not even any out-of-character behavior. Another point.

I'm still me, I just haven't slept!

So my mania checklist checked out ok. I am not in a bipolar manic episode (I could've told you that, but I wanted to be sure)! I wasn't overreacting, I was being prudent. Better to be safe than sorry, so they say. I do the same thing when I show signs of depression.

I also told my husband (my supporter) what was going on, and you'd better believe my psychiatrist is going to get a call from me first thing today about that new sleeping pill he gave me that, guess what, does NOT work!!!

I just shared all that to say this. When we have a symptom of a bipolar episode, that doesn't necessarily mean that we are IN a bipolar episode. But it does mean that we should check it out anyway, just in case.

I mean, not everyone who goes through a sleepless night is manic. I'm not. But I went through my manic checklist anyway, because I've learned through the past that I can't always trust myself. I also told my husband for the same reason. It helps to have supporters who keep an eye on us, just to keep us on the right path.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
ps. Check out my new bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com