Making the Best of What You've Got With Bipolar

I've been stable for quite a while now, and I'm so very grateful for that. I was reminded the other day of how things used to be - of how just getting out of bed was an insurmountable task on some days. Of how trying to come up with a gratitude list was near impossible, because I couldn't think of anything to be grateful for, so overwhelmed was I with the negative side of my bipolar disorder and the problems it brought.

I've always thought of bipolar disorder as my very real enemy, and sometimes that enemy would win, like when I would end up in the hospital, because I just couldn't handle the symptoms of the disorder. My thoughts would get all jumbled up to the point that I just couldn't tell what was reality and what wasn't any more. I would even hallucinate sometimes. Those were the worst of times. I couldn't even trust my own thoughts and feelings, because they weren't always rational. It's hard to face being that out of control.

Luckily, I have a great psychiatrist, and great medications that would always bring me back. Still, it was hard to admit that I'm not perfect, and these episodes would happen to me, without my permission. I was a control freak. I was a perfectionist. And when I would go into a bipolar episode, it was kind of an affront to my character, or so I thought. But they wouldn't last long, and the medication would help me get back to normal.

Like I said, though, I've been stable for quite a while now. It's proof that bipolar disorder, enemy though it is, can be managed. But it does take work on our part. A big part for me is living just one day at a time. If I dwell too much on the past, which I can't do anything about anyway, I tend to get depressed, because I made so many mistakes, mistakes that I can't undo. So I just choose not to dwell on it. Except to learn from it and from my mistakes, and not to make the same ones again. Now, instead of letting a depression go on for too long, I will do something about it in the very beginning so that I don't go into a full-blown episode.

Which isn't to say that I don't still have bad days. Everyone does, even people that don't have bipolar disorder. It's what we do with them that matters. I don't overreact anymore. I don't assume that just because I'm feeling a little down one day that I'm going into a depressive episode. I try to make myself feel better. I read a book, or watch a good (feel-good) video. I write in my journal. I tackle a project that I've been procrastinating. I talk to someone about the way I'm feeling. I'll go somewhere, like take a drive into the beautiful mountains near my house. I'll go exercise. I'll work. I'll be productive in some way, which always makes me feel better. The one thing I will NOT do is sit around feeling sorry for myself. That always makes me worse.

I am proactive about the management of my bipolar disorder now. That's what keeps me stable. I take my medication religiously. I go to see my doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist on a regular basis. I keep a mood chart, which helps me note patterns in my moods and note if an impending episode is coming, so I can head it off at the pass. I attend a bipolar support group. I exercise and stay active. I eat healthy and right. I stay balanced physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Yes, I do have bipolar disorder. I can't help that. But I do make the best of it anyway. And I live as normal a life as possible despite that fact. And I'm pretty successful at it. I've even been able to make some of my dreams come true! I've been able to publish FOUR books that I've written, one of them a book on bipolar disorder (that you can get from www.brokenroseministries.com ). That was a real thrill, since I've wanted to be an author since I was 12 years old, and had let bipolar disorder stop me for so many years.

Here's the message: You don't have to let your bipolar stop you from doing anything you want to do. Look at me!

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele