Today the weather is gloomy, and my temptation is to let that affect my emotions and be depressed. So I quickly put on my bipolar armor and fight this, reminding myself that I am in control of my bipolar disorder and not the other way around.
It's my birthday today. I'm 52 years old. I could dwell on that thought and would certainly go into a depression over it, but today I choose not to. I choose, instead, to feel blessed that I have survived my own life and that today is another gift from God. I choose a positive attitude, because that is what saves me from the deep, dark depths of depression. And I do NOT want to go there!
Sometimes it is a "mind over matter" way of thinking that is necessary to avoid a depressive episode. You can feel it coming on like a dark cloak descending over your mind... yet you do have the power of refusing it. It's not unrealistic - in fact, it is necessary. You can acknowledge your negative thinking and still rise above it. You can choose not to be depressed.
I am not depressed today because I REFUSE to be depressed today. That's my "mind over matter." I will not allow the dragon even one piece of my day, much less to bring me down. I am stronger than the dragon today.
So, weather aside, negative emotions aside, I fight another day for the sanity which was hard-bought for me. I will try to keep a positive attitude no matter what. And, like all the other times I have felt like this, I tell myself "this too shall pass," and I will wait it out, doing the best I can to be positive instead of negative.
Is it truly that easy? That to lay bipolar depression by the wayside, all you have to do is think positive? No, of course not. It is always a battle. But I remind myself that I have been here before and I will be here again. I can never let down my guard, or the depression will overwhelm me. The bipolar disorder will win, and I cannot allow that to happen.
And, who knows? After awhile of positive thinking I actually can feel better. I am still in control, and that is important to me. The dragon is defeated yet again!
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Merry Bipolar Christmas
I wish all of you a very Merry Bipolar Christmas today. I pray that this year is even better than last year was for you, and I pray that you are stable today. Many people with bipolar disorder get overwhelmed by the holiday - I pray you are not one of them.
This year, try celebrating what the holiday is really all about - Jesus. Not presents, not trees, not decorating the house. Keep things simple, so you won't feel overwhelmed. If you are feeling depressed, try doing just one thing you can think of to get out of your depression. It might help if you take the emphasis off yourself and onto someone else. Try doing something nice for someone else - someone needy, or just a random act of kindness.
My son was out eating dinner with some friends of his, and they were talking about their poor financial conditions. There was an older couple at the next table who overheard their conversation, although they didn't know it. When they went to pay for their dinner, they were told that it had already been paid for by that older couple. Random acts of kindness can be so rewarding.
I don't have the kind of money it takes to do that, but I can do other things. Like when I go through a tollbooth, I pay for the person behind me. Random acts of kindness do not have to be big to be appreciated.
If you're feeling down, remember that "This too shall pass." It always does. Remind yourself that you've been here before and got through it, and you'll get through it this time as well.
Try thinking about all the people who love and care about you. Be grateful for the small things. In other words, if you're not in the hospital, be grateful. If you are not in an episode, be grateful. If you have your health, be grateful. Write out a gratitude list if need be. Once you get started brainstorming, you'll find that you are grateful for many things this year, no matter how big or small. It will help improve your attitude. It's hard to be depressed when you find so much to be grateful for.
May this be your best Christmas ever, bipolar or not! I pray that this is a very special day for you, and that good things will happen. My prayers are with you.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
This year, try celebrating what the holiday is really all about - Jesus. Not presents, not trees, not decorating the house. Keep things simple, so you won't feel overwhelmed. If you are feeling depressed, try doing just one thing you can think of to get out of your depression. It might help if you take the emphasis off yourself and onto someone else. Try doing something nice for someone else - someone needy, or just a random act of kindness.
My son was out eating dinner with some friends of his, and they were talking about their poor financial conditions. There was an older couple at the next table who overheard their conversation, although they didn't know it. When they went to pay for their dinner, they were told that it had already been paid for by that older couple. Random acts of kindness can be so rewarding.
I don't have the kind of money it takes to do that, but I can do other things. Like when I go through a tollbooth, I pay for the person behind me. Random acts of kindness do not have to be big to be appreciated.
If you're feeling down, remember that "This too shall pass." It always does. Remind yourself that you've been here before and got through it, and you'll get through it this time as well.
Try thinking about all the people who love and care about you. Be grateful for the small things. In other words, if you're not in the hospital, be grateful. If you are not in an episode, be grateful. If you have your health, be grateful. Write out a gratitude list if need be. Once you get started brainstorming, you'll find that you are grateful for many things this year, no matter how big or small. It will help improve your attitude. It's hard to be depressed when you find so much to be grateful for.
May this be your best Christmas ever, bipolar or not! I pray that this is a very special day for you, and that good things will happen. My prayers are with you.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Monday, December 21, 2009
Feeling Happy These Days
I feel so happy today - not manic happy, just happy-happy. Things are so different now than what they used to be like. Today I'm grateful for all my blessings, even my bipolar disorder. I'm not saying I like it any better than I have before, but we've come to sort of a peaceful compromise. I do what I need to do to stay stable, and the dragon stays away (no bipolar episodes).
I'm grateful for such a wonderful, kind, loving husband, my primary supporter. I don't even have to tell him when I need extra loving, or when I'm feeling a little down, or just "not myself." Because he has bipolar disorder, too, and because he's my best friend, he can just tell. I'm so grateful that we have such a good marriage.
I'm grateful for my job, too. How many people get paid to do what they love doing? I love to write, and to help other people (especially those with mental illness), and at www.bipolarcentral.com I get to do both. Plus I have a great boss. I remember working outside the home, before I was diagnosed, and I never had as understanding a boss.
Right now, I'm writing from my computer in a nice, cozy, warm home. It's not very big, just a duplex, but I'm grateful, because there was a time when I was homeless.
I'm grateful that my sons and parents are all healthy and relatively happy. Even though I've had to learn to let them own their own problems, I still have a mama's heart, and I worry for my boys' health, safety, and happiness. Comes with the mom job, I guess! :)
Today, mostly, I'm grateful for my relationship with the Lord, who gives me all these blessings. He is with me even in the midst of my bipolar disorder. And it is truly a gift from God to be stable today. Every day I go without an episode is a gift from God.
To those who are struggling these last few days before the holidays, my heart goes out to you. I would wish upon you the attitude of gratitude that I have today. I don't have a lot, but what I do have, I'm grateful for. Think about your blessings, instead of your problems. They will eventually get solved. I heard a saying that, "God always answers prayer. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes the answer is no, and sometimes the answer is wait."
If you are having a hard time with your bipolar, don't give up on God. He is still with you in the midst of your struggles, and He loves you and wants you to be happy. Do I have proof? Yes, I do - in the Scriptures. He says in Jer. 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." That's my favorite Scripture, and it gives me so much hope for all of us with bipolar disorder.
Remember, you are not alone. There are many, many others who are struggling as you are. Keep going, don't let go of God's promise, and your disorder will eventually stabilize. Don't give up hope for that. I pray for you.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
I'm grateful for such a wonderful, kind, loving husband, my primary supporter. I don't even have to tell him when I need extra loving, or when I'm feeling a little down, or just "not myself." Because he has bipolar disorder, too, and because he's my best friend, he can just tell. I'm so grateful that we have such a good marriage.
I'm grateful for my job, too. How many people get paid to do what they love doing? I love to write, and to help other people (especially those with mental illness), and at www.bipolarcentral.com I get to do both. Plus I have a great boss. I remember working outside the home, before I was diagnosed, and I never had as understanding a boss.
Right now, I'm writing from my computer in a nice, cozy, warm home. It's not very big, just a duplex, but I'm grateful, because there was a time when I was homeless.
I'm grateful that my sons and parents are all healthy and relatively happy. Even though I've had to learn to let them own their own problems, I still have a mama's heart, and I worry for my boys' health, safety, and happiness. Comes with the mom job, I guess! :)
Today, mostly, I'm grateful for my relationship with the Lord, who gives me all these blessings. He is with me even in the midst of my bipolar disorder. And it is truly a gift from God to be stable today. Every day I go without an episode is a gift from God.
To those who are struggling these last few days before the holidays, my heart goes out to you. I would wish upon you the attitude of gratitude that I have today. I don't have a lot, but what I do have, I'm grateful for. Think about your blessings, instead of your problems. They will eventually get solved. I heard a saying that, "God always answers prayer. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes the answer is no, and sometimes the answer is wait."
If you are having a hard time with your bipolar, don't give up on God. He is still with you in the midst of your struggles, and He loves you and wants you to be happy. Do I have proof? Yes, I do - in the Scriptures. He says in Jer. 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." That's my favorite Scripture, and it gives me so much hope for all of us with bipolar disorder.
Remember, you are not alone. There are many, many others who are struggling as you are. Keep going, don't let go of God's promise, and your disorder will eventually stabilize. Don't give up hope for that. I pray for you.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Thursday, December 3, 2009
The Greatest Bipolar Christmas Present
I've had to think of what I wanted for Christmas this year, as my husband wanted to know, and I was thrown a little off-balance. Oh, I listed a few things, like books and videos, but basically I couldn't think of anything I could want that I don't already have!
I'll tell you why. Because I am SO grateful for my stability with bipolar disorder, especially this year. Stability is the greatest bipolar Christmas present, in my eyes. Because I remember so many holiday times when the mania got the better of me. Of course "remember" is just a relative term here, because I am one of those people who forget what happens during their episodes.
But the point is, I know better than to get TOO excited at Christmastime (or any other time), as it can so easily push me into a manic episode - and Christmas shopping is just an excuse to overspend and spend too impulsively. These days I really watch my spending. In fact, I did the majority of my shopping for my husband on ebay this year, where I got some great deals!
I'm busy with work for www.bipolarcentral.com , and that's helped me stay stable these days, as it keeps my feet grounded. And I've had a lot of work to do - we're now putting out THREE newsletters! One for bipolar, one for borderline, and one for schizophrenia, and I write articles for all of them. So it's been keeping me pretty busy.
Well, I just wanted to throw that thought out there about stability being the greatest bipolar Christmas gift you could get. I hope you are as appreciative of yours as I am of mine. Just think how much worse it would be if you were in a bipolar episode right now! Then be grateful that you're not!
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
I'll tell you why. Because I am SO grateful for my stability with bipolar disorder, especially this year. Stability is the greatest bipolar Christmas present, in my eyes. Because I remember so many holiday times when the mania got the better of me. Of course "remember" is just a relative term here, because I am one of those people who forget what happens during their episodes.
But the point is, I know better than to get TOO excited at Christmastime (or any other time), as it can so easily push me into a manic episode - and Christmas shopping is just an excuse to overspend and spend too impulsively. These days I really watch my spending. In fact, I did the majority of my shopping for my husband on ebay this year, where I got some great deals!
I'm busy with work for www.bipolarcentral.com , and that's helped me stay stable these days, as it keeps my feet grounded. And I've had a lot of work to do - we're now putting out THREE newsletters! One for bipolar, one for borderline, and one for schizophrenia, and I write articles for all of them. So it's been keeping me pretty busy.
Well, I just wanted to throw that thought out there about stability being the greatest bipolar Christmas gift you could get. I hope you are as appreciative of yours as I am of mine. Just think how much worse it would be if you were in a bipolar episode right now! Then be grateful that you're not!
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
What to Do When You Don't "Feel Like" Having Bipolar Disorder
Ok, I know I'm among friends, so I can admit this: Today is one of those days when I don't "feel like" having bipolar disorder. I have an attitude today - against the disorder. I resent the fact that I have no control over having it, only control over the disorder itself and how it manifests in me.
Well, bad attitude or not, it's still a good day, because any day without a bipolar episode is a GOOD day! I guess I'm just tired. Do you ever have one of those days? When you just don't feel like being in the battle that day? Yeah, me too, because every day is a battle with bipolar disorder - just that some days are better than others.
I hate having something incurable. That insinuates that there is something beating me, and I am a very competitive person! Really, you should see me playing backgammon with my husband - I'm ruthless! LOL
Yes, having bipolar disorder is a battle. But it's a battle you're winning if you are alive today. That's right - if you are alive today, you are winning your battle with bipolar disorder.
Because my sister didn't. One day she decided the pain was too much, the battle too wearying, the fight too hard. And she killed herself. Of course, in my heart I know that she never would have done that in her right mind - she was off her medications at the time she committed suicide. God, I miss her so much. But it makes me that much more determined that there are no more "Debi's" out there!
I have heard from or talked to so many "Debi's," people who just want to quit trying to fight their bipolar disorder. Right, some days are not great. I'll admit that. Even as stable as I am, I still get breakthrough depressed days. But what's the alternative? To do what my sister did? I don't think so. My life is too precious to me. As is my sanity. So I fight even when I don't "feel like" it.
If you're going through the same struggle, well, at least you know for one thing that you're not alone, eh? But I want to commend you, all of you, for hanging in there - for staying the fight no matter how weak and weary you feel. Because each one of you is a SURVIVOR! Ya know, they make a big deal out of cancer survivors (as they should), but just think of it - we are bipolar disorder survivors in just the same way! We are conquering our disorder by every day we go without an episode or symptoms.
When someone is in remission with cancer, they are without symptoms. Well, then, we are in remission from bipolar disorder every day that we don't have symptoms! See? We are doing it! We are surviving a deadly brain disease every day that we don't huddle under the covers wishing it away - every day that we get out of bed is a victory for some of us! And being stable is a victory for all of us!
If you're not there yet, don't worry - you will be. Because you are a miracle. Just by being a survivor of bipolar disorder.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Well, bad attitude or not, it's still a good day, because any day without a bipolar episode is a GOOD day! I guess I'm just tired. Do you ever have one of those days? When you just don't feel like being in the battle that day? Yeah, me too, because every day is a battle with bipolar disorder - just that some days are better than others.
I hate having something incurable. That insinuates that there is something beating me, and I am a very competitive person! Really, you should see me playing backgammon with my husband - I'm ruthless! LOL
Yes, having bipolar disorder is a battle. But it's a battle you're winning if you are alive today. That's right - if you are alive today, you are winning your battle with bipolar disorder.
Because my sister didn't. One day she decided the pain was too much, the battle too wearying, the fight too hard. And she killed herself. Of course, in my heart I know that she never would have done that in her right mind - she was off her medications at the time she committed suicide. God, I miss her so much. But it makes me that much more determined that there are no more "Debi's" out there!
I have heard from or talked to so many "Debi's," people who just want to quit trying to fight their bipolar disorder. Right, some days are not great. I'll admit that. Even as stable as I am, I still get breakthrough depressed days. But what's the alternative? To do what my sister did? I don't think so. My life is too precious to me. As is my sanity. So I fight even when I don't "feel like" it.
If you're going through the same struggle, well, at least you know for one thing that you're not alone, eh? But I want to commend you, all of you, for hanging in there - for staying the fight no matter how weak and weary you feel. Because each one of you is a SURVIVOR! Ya know, they make a big deal out of cancer survivors (as they should), but just think of it - we are bipolar disorder survivors in just the same way! We are conquering our disorder by every day we go without an episode or symptoms.
When someone is in remission with cancer, they are without symptoms. Well, then, we are in remission from bipolar disorder every day that we don't have symptoms! See? We are doing it! We are surviving a deadly brain disease every day that we don't huddle under the covers wishing it away - every day that we get out of bed is a victory for some of us! And being stable is a victory for all of us!
If you're not there yet, don't worry - you will be. Because you are a miracle. Just by being a survivor of bipolar disorder.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
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