Just an update about my condition (sleeplessness that I wrote about in my last post) -- I am feeling much better now. I think the medication just had to take a little while to "set in" and reach a workable level. All I know is, I'm sleeping good again, and I'm feeling stable.
Today, I wanted to stress the importance of having balance in your life. It can mean the difference between being stable or going into a bipolar episode. Like how I got my sleep schedule rebalanced, and averted a manic episode.
Let me ask you this first: Do you know how tellers learn how to spot a fake bill?
They aren't taught the zillion ways you can tell a bill is faked -- instead, they are taught to know the real bill SO well that they could spot ANY discrepancy.
So that's how you can stay balanced with bipolar disorder. Learn the disorder SO well (triggers, signs, symptoms) that you can quickly spot ANY discrepancy. Like I did with my sleep being off. Just one thing out of balance, but catching it so quickly kept me out of an episode.
You need to be balanced physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And you also have to know yourself VERY well. That way, like the fake bill, you can catch anything wrong soon enough to do something about it.
YOU are in charge of managing your bipolar disorder. Although you should have a good, strong support system to help you, YOU know yourself best.
Even if it's just a "gut feeling" that something is wrong, you need to give attention to it. The most important thing is to stay stable, to stay in control of your bipolar disorder (instead of it controlling your mood swings, etc.).
Do the things that keep you stable: Take your medication faithfully. See your doctor, psychiatriist and/or therapist regularly. Have a strong support system. Continue positive lifestyle changes (sleep, diet, exercise, etc.). Keep a positive attitude. And all the other things you do personally to keep your well-being.
If you do this, then you too can avert a bipolar episode.
What are some of the things that you do to keep yourself stable?
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Trouble Sleeping - Bipolar Manic Episode?
I didn't get to sleep last night until 3:30 a.m. Needless to say, I'm exhausted today!
But I am so glad I'm exhausted and not manic, which could so easily be the case. Lack of sleep is one of my biggest triggers to a bipolar episode.
Yet lack of sleep does not necessarily a manic episode make -- we can all have a bad night here and there, whether we have bipolar disorder or not. So I'm not going to assume the worst.
Instead, I put in a call to my psychiatrist to notify him that my sleep medication may not be doing its job (I've had a few sleepless nights in the past 2 weeks). I know enough not to up the dose by myself, and to always let my psychiatrist know what's happening with me. Then we'll work it out together.
I haven't had a manic episode in years, and am so happy about that. My last one was really bad - I ended up self-mutilating and everything, and (of course) ended up in the hospital. Not a place I'd like to visit again soon.
But I take each day as it comes. Some days are better than other days, but I refuse to give in to the BP, or let it get the better of me.
I have a plan. Tonight I will take my pills earlier, listen to some calming music, drink a cup of Sleepytime tea, and go to sleep early.
I probably won't get a response about my medication until tomorrow, so that's how I will take care of myself tonight.
It's all part of my bipolar stability. I've had to learn to accept that there are some things I have control over (like listening to music and drinking tea to relax me), and other things that I don't have control over (every once in a while, I may have a bad night).
But I don't give up. No, you can never give up or give in to your bipolar disorder. Do whatever you have to do to stay stable. Sometimes it can mean asking for help, like I'm doing with my psychiatrist. Sometimes it means being creative (music and tea). But you need to always fight to keep your stability.
Now, if I did nothing, and kept having sleepless nights, within about a week I WOULD be in a bipolar manic episode. That's why I'm heeding this warning.
And that's how I see it - yes, it's only a few sleepless nights over a couple weeks, but it is still a warning to look at how I'm managing my disorder. Because I definitely DO NOT want to go into another manic episode!
How do I know the difference? If I still had energy today, I'd say that would be abnormal for me, and might start considering that I'm in a manic episode. But I'm so tired from losing sleep, and I know that's just a normal reaction to that lack of sleep.
I can't always control my sleep (or lack of it), but I can sure do something about it, like calling my psychiatrist and taking care of myself (like my plans for tonight).
I've had migraines for over 30 years now. Now, many people who have chronic migraines like I do experience a sort of "aura" or other warning before they get the migraine. Unfortunately, I don't. But I'm using the comparison, because usually you will get a warning if a bipolar episode is coming on, while you can still do something about it.
You don't have to make something out of nothing and assume the worst, but you do need to heed the warnings.
Well, here's to a good night's sleep! :)
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
But I am so glad I'm exhausted and not manic, which could so easily be the case. Lack of sleep is one of my biggest triggers to a bipolar episode.
Yet lack of sleep does not necessarily a manic episode make -- we can all have a bad night here and there, whether we have bipolar disorder or not. So I'm not going to assume the worst.
Instead, I put in a call to my psychiatrist to notify him that my sleep medication may not be doing its job (I've had a few sleepless nights in the past 2 weeks). I know enough not to up the dose by myself, and to always let my psychiatrist know what's happening with me. Then we'll work it out together.
I haven't had a manic episode in years, and am so happy about that. My last one was really bad - I ended up self-mutilating and everything, and (of course) ended up in the hospital. Not a place I'd like to visit again soon.
But I take each day as it comes. Some days are better than other days, but I refuse to give in to the BP, or let it get the better of me.
I have a plan. Tonight I will take my pills earlier, listen to some calming music, drink a cup of Sleepytime tea, and go to sleep early.
I probably won't get a response about my medication until tomorrow, so that's how I will take care of myself tonight.
It's all part of my bipolar stability. I've had to learn to accept that there are some things I have control over (like listening to music and drinking tea to relax me), and other things that I don't have control over (every once in a while, I may have a bad night).
But I don't give up. No, you can never give up or give in to your bipolar disorder. Do whatever you have to do to stay stable. Sometimes it can mean asking for help, like I'm doing with my psychiatrist. Sometimes it means being creative (music and tea). But you need to always fight to keep your stability.
Now, if I did nothing, and kept having sleepless nights, within about a week I WOULD be in a bipolar manic episode. That's why I'm heeding this warning.
And that's how I see it - yes, it's only a few sleepless nights over a couple weeks, but it is still a warning to look at how I'm managing my disorder. Because I definitely DO NOT want to go into another manic episode!
How do I know the difference? If I still had energy today, I'd say that would be abnormal for me, and might start considering that I'm in a manic episode. But I'm so tired from losing sleep, and I know that's just a normal reaction to that lack of sleep.
I can't always control my sleep (or lack of it), but I can sure do something about it, like calling my psychiatrist and taking care of myself (like my plans for tonight).
I've had migraines for over 30 years now. Now, many people who have chronic migraines like I do experience a sort of "aura" or other warning before they get the migraine. Unfortunately, I don't. But I'm using the comparison, because usually you will get a warning if a bipolar episode is coming on, while you can still do something about it.
You don't have to make something out of nothing and assume the worst, but you do need to heed the warnings.
Well, here's to a good night's sleep! :)
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Having Bipolar Disorder is like Being a Diamond in the Rough
I love diamonds - what normal woman wouldn't? :) But have you ever heard the saying about being a diamond in the rough? Well, that's' what I think having bipolar disorder is like.
We cannot have the kind of life that others have, simply because we have this annoying lifetime brain disease called bipolar disorder. The secret is, however, that this disease CAN be managed, and we can live a normal life in spite of it! I know, because I'm doing it, and if I can do it, so can you.
If your goal is to have a normal life, first you have to look at what you have to work with. So that's why I give the picture of a diamond in the rough. They don't make perfect diamonds overnight, and the process is not an easy one. But in the end, it's worth it, isn't it? Don't you see diamonds as beautiful?
If you do this, you will see yourself as beautiful, too, despite having bipolar disorder. One of the first coping techniques I did was to write positive affirmations to myself on Post-Its and put them on my bedroom and bathroom mirrors. So every time I looked, I'd read something like, "You are worthy," or "You are loved." If you do this long enough, those positive affirmations become a part of you, and your self-esteem will naturally improve.
Then I set about trying to organize my very disorganized life. I used to be a "saver" - I wouldn't even let a good box go! My dining room table was so cluttered with "stuff" I thought was important, until one day I just started on it. Just a few minutes. Just going through the top layer of one stack. I had 3 boxes - 1 to keep, 1 to sell at a yard sale, and 1 to throw away.
It took me weeks to get through that table, but the amazing thing was that I emerged able to throw things away - like those empty boxes I was saving for "someday!" Now I am not attached to things as much. And after going thru each room like that (over a period of 2 months), we had a heck of a yard sale! The money was a welcome income, and I found that I had changed. I no longer am a clutterer - because I want my house to stay looking good. I changed!
Being a diamond in the rough means having the willingness to change. If you go to a therapist, they will work with you on the things you need to change. I found out that I was approaching things with a wrong attitude, and I changed that. I learned how to pay my bills efficiently and on time. I learned not to expect perfection from myself. I learned that I am "already enough" - I was always trying to people please, or to hide my bipolar disorder from them. I felt like I wasn't good enough, and assumed that everybody but me had it all together. Then I found out that others without BP have just as much a struggle as we do - they just have it in a different area. Realizing I was not that much different than anyone else really helped me.
But it wasn't enough. I wanted to be the best "me" I could be, despite my bipolar disorder. That meant getting stable. Over time, and with help from my therapist and support group, I was able to change things in myself (like seeking perfection) that needed changing.
I've learned to live "in the moment," which is a concept taken from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (which I went through 3 times). I have learned to accept things the way they are right now, instead of wishing they were some other way. I deal with what is, instead of what I want it to be. I am focused on only today (One day at a Time), since ruing over the past and worrying about the future were two things I couldn't do anything about, and it was hurting me to go those places.
Today my "now" is diamond-shaped. I live a very good life, despite the fact that I have bipolar disorder. In fact, I use my disorder to help other people - those on my blogs and on the website (www.bipolarcentral.com), and others that I run into outside my home or who email me.
I am truly blessed today with normally-managed finances (all my bills get paid on time), no debt, living within my means, friends, family, a beautiful home, a car that drives well and gets me from point A to point B (so what if it isn't new), and a wonderful marriage to my best friend of 10 years, who also has bipolar disorder. We just celebrated our 3 yr wedding anniversary yesterday.
Actually, it was my husband who gave me the topic for this post. I asked him how he could have possibly loved me way back when (before I fell in love with him) because of all my destructive behaviors, and he said it was because he saw me as a diamond in the rough. Now, today, after everything I've gone through, I am that diamond. I am finally stable and happy with my life, and consider it as normal as anyone else's.
If I could give only one piece of advice to someone else, I would say to "live in the moment." That "now"kind of thinking, and accepting things the way they are instead of how I want them to be, has changed my life immensely.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
We cannot have the kind of life that others have, simply because we have this annoying lifetime brain disease called bipolar disorder. The secret is, however, that this disease CAN be managed, and we can live a normal life in spite of it! I know, because I'm doing it, and if I can do it, so can you.
If your goal is to have a normal life, first you have to look at what you have to work with. So that's why I give the picture of a diamond in the rough. They don't make perfect diamonds overnight, and the process is not an easy one. But in the end, it's worth it, isn't it? Don't you see diamonds as beautiful?
If you do this, you will see yourself as beautiful, too, despite having bipolar disorder. One of the first coping techniques I did was to write positive affirmations to myself on Post-Its and put them on my bedroom and bathroom mirrors. So every time I looked, I'd read something like, "You are worthy," or "You are loved." If you do this long enough, those positive affirmations become a part of you, and your self-esteem will naturally improve.
Then I set about trying to organize my very disorganized life. I used to be a "saver" - I wouldn't even let a good box go! My dining room table was so cluttered with "stuff" I thought was important, until one day I just started on it. Just a few minutes. Just going through the top layer of one stack. I had 3 boxes - 1 to keep, 1 to sell at a yard sale, and 1 to throw away.
It took me weeks to get through that table, but the amazing thing was that I emerged able to throw things away - like those empty boxes I was saving for "someday!" Now I am not attached to things as much. And after going thru each room like that (over a period of 2 months), we had a heck of a yard sale! The money was a welcome income, and I found that I had changed. I no longer am a clutterer - because I want my house to stay looking good. I changed!
Being a diamond in the rough means having the willingness to change. If you go to a therapist, they will work with you on the things you need to change. I found out that I was approaching things with a wrong attitude, and I changed that. I learned how to pay my bills efficiently and on time. I learned not to expect perfection from myself. I learned that I am "already enough" - I was always trying to people please, or to hide my bipolar disorder from them. I felt like I wasn't good enough, and assumed that everybody but me had it all together. Then I found out that others without BP have just as much a struggle as we do - they just have it in a different area. Realizing I was not that much different than anyone else really helped me.
But it wasn't enough. I wanted to be the best "me" I could be, despite my bipolar disorder. That meant getting stable. Over time, and with help from my therapist and support group, I was able to change things in myself (like seeking perfection) that needed changing.
I've learned to live "in the moment," which is a concept taken from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (which I went through 3 times). I have learned to accept things the way they are right now, instead of wishing they were some other way. I deal with what is, instead of what I want it to be. I am focused on only today (One day at a Time), since ruing over the past and worrying about the future were two things I couldn't do anything about, and it was hurting me to go those places.
Today my "now" is diamond-shaped. I live a very good life, despite the fact that I have bipolar disorder. In fact, I use my disorder to help other people - those on my blogs and on the website (www.bipolarcentral.com), and others that I run into outside my home or who email me.
I am truly blessed today with normally-managed finances (all my bills get paid on time), no debt, living within my means, friends, family, a beautiful home, a car that drives well and gets me from point A to point B (so what if it isn't new), and a wonderful marriage to my best friend of 10 years, who also has bipolar disorder. We just celebrated our 3 yr wedding anniversary yesterday.
Actually, it was my husband who gave me the topic for this post. I asked him how he could have possibly loved me way back when (before I fell in love with him) because of all my destructive behaviors, and he said it was because he saw me as a diamond in the rough. Now, today, after everything I've gone through, I am that diamond. I am finally stable and happy with my life, and consider it as normal as anyone else's.
If I could give only one piece of advice to someone else, I would say to "live in the moment." That "now"kind of thinking, and accepting things the way they are instead of how I want them to be, has changed my life immensely.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Friday, October 9, 2009
What Do I Do With All This Anger?
I am very angry right now. Two women I know with bipolar disorder are thinking of suicide at this very moment. That makes me angry at the bipolar disorder. Very angry.
I hate how it lies to us, and I hate even more that some people (like my sister, who killed herself) believe the lies.
Here are some of the lies, along with the truth. As long as you keep telling yourself the truth, you will stay alive. Just remember your REAL enemy is the bipolar disorder - NOT the person or people or situation that made you mad.
1. LIE: You are all alone.
TRUTH: There are millions of other people who have bipolar disorder like you do. You are NOT alone.
2. LIE: No one loves you. (You are not lovable)
TRUTH: Someone does love you and cares about what happens to you, even if that someone is only me. And you are worthy of love.
3. LIE: You will never get better
TRUTH: I don't care how bad things look or are for you right now, I can promise you that they will get better. It may take time, but you WILL get better!
4. LIE: You are the only one who feels the way you do.
TRUTH: That's a lie -- many people who have bipolar disorder feel the way you do right now. Many have thought of suicide and still came through out the other side of the depression - into life.
5. LIE: You are in too much pain to tolerate it.
TRUTH: Sometimes, because of the bipolar disorder, you may feel extreme emotional pain. You may have problems that you just cannot see a solution for. When you are in a bipolar episode, YOU CANNOT TRUST YOUR FEELINGS! Stay on the rational side, and convince yourself of every reason you have to live.
6. LIE: There is no one to talk to about how I feel.
TRUTH: There is ALWAYS someone to talk to, even if it's just the Suicide Hotline at:
1-800-SUICIDE.
You have more power and strength than you think you do. You CAN fight these lies now that you are armed with the TRUTH.
I've been there, and I know I probably would have taken this message with a grain of salt while I was going through the suicidal thoughts and feelings. So I know what I'm talking about. DO NOT LISTEN TO BIPOLAR LIES, and that's all they are is lies.
You are very special. God made you unique - there is not another single person out there just like you. And He made you for a reason. If you don't know the reason yet, hang on for a little longer - you'll find out your purpose when it's time.
Please, please, stay on the rational side of this hated disorder. DO NOT LET BIPOLAR DISORDER WIN AGAINST YOU WITH ITS LIES!
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
I hate how it lies to us, and I hate even more that some people (like my sister, who killed herself) believe the lies.
Here are some of the lies, along with the truth. As long as you keep telling yourself the truth, you will stay alive. Just remember your REAL enemy is the bipolar disorder - NOT the person or people or situation that made you mad.
1. LIE: You are all alone.
TRUTH: There are millions of other people who have bipolar disorder like you do. You are NOT alone.
2. LIE: No one loves you. (You are not lovable)
TRUTH: Someone does love you and cares about what happens to you, even if that someone is only me. And you are worthy of love.
3. LIE: You will never get better
TRUTH: I don't care how bad things look or are for you right now, I can promise you that they will get better. It may take time, but you WILL get better!
4. LIE: You are the only one who feels the way you do.
TRUTH: That's a lie -- many people who have bipolar disorder feel the way you do right now. Many have thought of suicide and still came through out the other side of the depression - into life.
5. LIE: You are in too much pain to tolerate it.
TRUTH: Sometimes, because of the bipolar disorder, you may feel extreme emotional pain. You may have problems that you just cannot see a solution for. When you are in a bipolar episode, YOU CANNOT TRUST YOUR FEELINGS! Stay on the rational side, and convince yourself of every reason you have to live.
6. LIE: There is no one to talk to about how I feel.
TRUTH: There is ALWAYS someone to talk to, even if it's just the Suicide Hotline at:
1-800-SUICIDE.
You have more power and strength than you think you do. You CAN fight these lies now that you are armed with the TRUTH.
I've been there, and I know I probably would have taken this message with a grain of salt while I was going through the suicidal thoughts and feelings. So I know what I'm talking about. DO NOT LISTEN TO BIPOLAR LIES, and that's all they are is lies.
You are very special. God made you unique - there is not another single person out there just like you. And He made you for a reason. If you don't know the reason yet, hang on for a little longer - you'll find out your purpose when it's time.
Please, please, stay on the rational side of this hated disorder. DO NOT LET BIPOLAR DISORDER WIN AGAINST YOU WITH ITS LIES!
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Monday, October 5, 2009
Will I Ever Have a Normal Day with Bipolar Disorder?
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever have a "normal" day with bipolar disorder. The only thing I can come up with is, "Some days are better than other days." I can't run and hide from this disorder -- it is something that I have and always will have.
But then I thought back to some of my days before I was diagnosed and put on medication for my disorder. I thought those were "normal" days? How far that was from the truth. If those were normal, I didn't want them.
My days were filled with stress and prayers to God to just get me through the day. Truth is, there was a time when I prayed to Him not to let me wake up -- not if it meant one more day of the same. I struggled so terribly, and my life was horrible.
The diagnosis of bipolar disorder did come as a surprise to me. Although I knew something was wrong, I didn't know what. There wasn't a whole lot of information on it out there at the time -- no self-diagnosis tests to take.
I learned to accept the abnormal as normal, and no one should have to do that.
I have come to the conclusion that I DO have "normal" days with bipolar disorder. A normal day for me is when I have no symptoms. That's the best way I've found to define it.
Luckily, I have had many of those.
We really aren't that different from people who don't have bipolar disorder. Their struggle just has a different name. But everyone struggles - this life is not an easy one. We're fortunate that there is treatment for our struggle, though.
When I was first diagnosed and told that this was a "forever" disease with no cure, I wanted to die, because every day was such a struggle for me. I wasn't told that someday I would have stress-free and symptom-free days. I wish I was. That's why I write this blog - to tell people that they are NOT alone, and things do get better.
Things do get better. I wish I had known that in the beginning. But back then, there was no one like me on a blog assuring me of that. It took a while for me to become stabilized.
But it was worth it. I have such a good life today. It took me some time to realize that going off my meds so I could feel that manic high was no longer worth it. I always had the inevitable crash into depression anyway, so why do it? When I became medication compliant, I started to get better.
Today I am better. I am stable. And yes, I have normal days with bipolar disorder. So I at least am proof that it can happen, and that the struggle you're going through will not last forever.
You, too, can have a normal day with bipolar disorder.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
But then I thought back to some of my days before I was diagnosed and put on medication for my disorder. I thought those were "normal" days? How far that was from the truth. If those were normal, I didn't want them.
My days were filled with stress and prayers to God to just get me through the day. Truth is, there was a time when I prayed to Him not to let me wake up -- not if it meant one more day of the same. I struggled so terribly, and my life was horrible.
The diagnosis of bipolar disorder did come as a surprise to me. Although I knew something was wrong, I didn't know what. There wasn't a whole lot of information on it out there at the time -- no self-diagnosis tests to take.
I learned to accept the abnormal as normal, and no one should have to do that.
I have come to the conclusion that I DO have "normal" days with bipolar disorder. A normal day for me is when I have no symptoms. That's the best way I've found to define it.
Luckily, I have had many of those.
We really aren't that different from people who don't have bipolar disorder. Their struggle just has a different name. But everyone struggles - this life is not an easy one. We're fortunate that there is treatment for our struggle, though.
When I was first diagnosed and told that this was a "forever" disease with no cure, I wanted to die, because every day was such a struggle for me. I wasn't told that someday I would have stress-free and symptom-free days. I wish I was. That's why I write this blog - to tell people that they are NOT alone, and things do get better.
Things do get better. I wish I had known that in the beginning. But back then, there was no one like me on a blog assuring me of that. It took a while for me to become stabilized.
But it was worth it. I have such a good life today. It took me some time to realize that going off my meds so I could feel that manic high was no longer worth it. I always had the inevitable crash into depression anyway, so why do it? When I became medication compliant, I started to get better.
Today I am better. I am stable. And yes, I have normal days with bipolar disorder. So I at least am proof that it can happen, and that the struggle you're going through will not last forever.
You, too, can have a normal day with bipolar disorder.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Bipolar Disorder and Work
I'm actually supposed to be working right now, but thought I'd take a break and write down some of my thoughts.
I worked as a professional office temp for 13 years, which was an easy way to disguise the fact that I couldn't stay at any one job for longer than 6 months because of my bipolar disorder. I was also a respiratory therapist for 7 years, and then a medical transcriptionist up until I was diagnosed with BP.
I was one of those over-workers, however. I would go in early and stay late. And my OCD, at least the perfectionism of it, hurt me in my work, and in myself.
When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, though, I could no longer work outside the home at a regular job. It just became too stressful for me to work. It's hard to try to be perfect like I did.
You've heard of the expression "work smarter not harder?" Well, I was one who worked harder, to my own detriment. I was stressed all the time.
At my last job, working as a medical transcriptionist, I had been going into work, grabbing my coffee, going into my office, shutting the door, and crying for 8 hours a day. I still got my work done, but I cried all the way through it.
After 2 weeks of this, my supervisor walked into my office and "caught" me, and the next thing I knew I was at the institution, where I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
It's not that I can't work, but I just can't work outside my home. Too much stress. Not just dealing with the job, but also the people as well.
So I went on Social Security Disability. Which, of course, is not enough to live on, so I got this job writing for www.bipolarcentral.com. The best part is that I get to work from home, where I feel safe and secure, and rarely get stressed. My hours are flexible, so I can take all the breaks I need to tend to my disorder.
If I have a bad bipolar day, I can be honest with my boss, and I feel lucky that way. If I have to take the day off, he understands, because he deals with bipolar disorder and people with it every day.
If I didn't have my job, I would still have to be productive in some way or another, or I'd go batty! I need something to do with my time so my thoughts aren't centered around me, but are instead focused on other people, and how I can help them. So I would do more volunteer work. I still fit in some now, but I would do more. It helps me feel productive and helps with my self-esteem.
I usually tell people who ask what kind of job is best for someone with bipolar disorder to find a work-at-home job or to start your own home business, where you're the boss. That way you have all the flexibility you need to work and still control your disorder.
What about you? Do you work? If so, what kind of job do you do? What do you do when you're stressed?
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
I worked as a professional office temp for 13 years, which was an easy way to disguise the fact that I couldn't stay at any one job for longer than 6 months because of my bipolar disorder. I was also a respiratory therapist for 7 years, and then a medical transcriptionist up until I was diagnosed with BP.
I was one of those over-workers, however. I would go in early and stay late. And my OCD, at least the perfectionism of it, hurt me in my work, and in myself.
When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, though, I could no longer work outside the home at a regular job. It just became too stressful for me to work. It's hard to try to be perfect like I did.
You've heard of the expression "work smarter not harder?" Well, I was one who worked harder, to my own detriment. I was stressed all the time.
At my last job, working as a medical transcriptionist, I had been going into work, grabbing my coffee, going into my office, shutting the door, and crying for 8 hours a day. I still got my work done, but I cried all the way through it.
After 2 weeks of this, my supervisor walked into my office and "caught" me, and the next thing I knew I was at the institution, where I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
It's not that I can't work, but I just can't work outside my home. Too much stress. Not just dealing with the job, but also the people as well.
So I went on Social Security Disability. Which, of course, is not enough to live on, so I got this job writing for www.bipolarcentral.com. The best part is that I get to work from home, where I feel safe and secure, and rarely get stressed. My hours are flexible, so I can take all the breaks I need to tend to my disorder.
If I have a bad bipolar day, I can be honest with my boss, and I feel lucky that way. If I have to take the day off, he understands, because he deals with bipolar disorder and people with it every day.
If I didn't have my job, I would still have to be productive in some way or another, or I'd go batty! I need something to do with my time so my thoughts aren't centered around me, but are instead focused on other people, and how I can help them. So I would do more volunteer work. I still fit in some now, but I would do more. It helps me feel productive and helps with my self-esteem.
I usually tell people who ask what kind of job is best for someone with bipolar disorder to find a work-at-home job or to start your own home business, where you're the boss. That way you have all the flexibility you need to work and still control your disorder.
What about you? Do you work? If so, what kind of job do you do? What do you do when you're stressed?
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
