I had a bad night last weekend. A really bad night. I was just so overwhelmed by my bipolar disorder! It actually scared me. So much so that I had to pull out my bipolar toolbox and fight it with all that I had. So I thought that might be good to talk about, since if it happened to me, then it's probably happened to you as well.
It was just one of those days when I didn't take care of myself. I let everything get to me, you know? Instead of taking care of each thing as it happened, I let everything pile up until I felt overwhelmed.
See, even when you've been stable for a long time, and you know the right thing to do, it isn't a guarantee that you'll always do it. We're all human, and we all make mistakes. Well, last Friday, I made mistakes. I let things happen that I should have stopped in their tracks. What got to me is that I knew better!
So the next thing I knew, I was overwhelmed and in the middle of an anxiety attack, out of control. That's when I knew I finally had to do something or things would get even worse. That's when I took out what I call my bipolar toolbox and got to work.
The first thing was that I needed to get over that anxiety attack. So I had to start controlling my breathing. I did some deep breathing exercises to slow my breathing down and to lower the anxiety level as well. It worked.
However, I still felt a high degree of stress, so I did some stress reduction exercises. I laid down on my bed, and closed my eyes. I visualized myself on the beach in Florida, with the warm sun beaming down on me. I began to relax each part of my body, one part at a time, as I used my deep breathing at the same time. Gradually, my whole body was relaxed, and the stress was gone.
I was relaxed, and no longer overwhelmed. Now, that doesn't mean that I still didn't have to face my problems, because I did have to manage them. But I wa able to manage them in a much better frame of mind after relaxing my body and mind with deep breathing and relaxation exercises.
It doesn't matter how you do it - whether you use the methods I use, or yoga, or tai chi, or meditation, or imaging, or self-hypnosis, or whatever.
The important thing is that you have to change your frame of mind when you feel overwhelmed, or you will just feel worse. These are just methods that allow you to do it, that's all. Different people use different methods. You need to use what works for you.
You also need to learn your lesson and be prepared for the future. Don't let yourself get into the same position again! Don't let things build up like I did. Handle things as they come up and they won't pile up, making you feel overwhelmed.
Make sure you stay balanced as well. A well-balanced person never feels overwhelmed, because, well, because they are balanced! Make sure you are balanced mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
Make sure your professional life is balanced with your home life, and that your family duties are balanced with your personal needs.
If you do these things, you won't be overwhelmed by your bipolar disorder.
Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Friday, January 28, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Normal for Bipolar Disorder
What IS normal for bipolar disorder? I get asked that so often. I usually try to get away with the usual "well, normal is different for each person," but undoubtedly some people just won't accept that simple an explanation.
Although it is true that normal IS different for each person with bipolar disorder, there are some things that can be similar - the main point being, first of all, that there CAN be a normal for someone with bipolar in the first place! Alot of people don't believe that, you know.
Alot of people with bipolar disorder believe themselves to be ABnormal, different, less than, not good enough, flawed, broken, damaged, or even worse. It is in the trying to deal wth these feelings that drives them to seek to be normal in the first place.
The fact is that although we have a broken brain, WE are not broken! We don't need to seek to be normall because we are already normal, for us. Just as somebody else is normal, for them. Remember, everybody is different! Not just everybody with bipolar disorder, but everybody in general. And "normal" can vary in so many ways.
If you want to define normal as "fitting in," well, except for episodic periods, we DO fit in! And we don't have that many episodic periods, when you look at the big picture.
If you want to define normal as not having problems, well, I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed there, as everyone has problems. They just may be different than yours. But to hope for a problem-free existence as a normal life is just not realistic. Not for you, not for anyone.
If you want to define normal as being balanced, with no mood swings, well, that can be accomplished with time and medication. Recovery IS possible for those of us with bipolar disorder. And recovery is as close to "normal" as we can get. Recovery, or stability, is the result of good management of our disorder, and can be achieved.
If you're not there yet, don't give up hope. Recovery IS possible. So is normal! I live about as normal a life as anybody I know, even those who don't have bipolar disorder, so I know it can be achieved. Just don't give up hope! You just may need more time.
Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Although it is true that normal IS different for each person with bipolar disorder, there are some things that can be similar - the main point being, first of all, that there CAN be a normal for someone with bipolar in the first place! Alot of people don't believe that, you know.
Alot of people with bipolar disorder believe themselves to be ABnormal, different, less than, not good enough, flawed, broken, damaged, or even worse. It is in the trying to deal wth these feelings that drives them to seek to be normal in the first place.
The fact is that although we have a broken brain, WE are not broken! We don't need to seek to be normall because we are already normal, for us. Just as somebody else is normal, for them. Remember, everybody is different! Not just everybody with bipolar disorder, but everybody in general. And "normal" can vary in so many ways.
If you want to define normal as "fitting in," well, except for episodic periods, we DO fit in! And we don't have that many episodic periods, when you look at the big picture.
If you want to define normal as not having problems, well, I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed there, as everyone has problems. They just may be different than yours. But to hope for a problem-free existence as a normal life is just not realistic. Not for you, not for anyone.
If you want to define normal as being balanced, with no mood swings, well, that can be accomplished with time and medication. Recovery IS possible for those of us with bipolar disorder. And recovery is as close to "normal" as we can get. Recovery, or stability, is the result of good management of our disorder, and can be achieved.
If you're not there yet, don't give up hope. Recovery IS possible. So is normal! I live about as normal a life as anybody I know, even those who don't have bipolar disorder, so I know it can be achieved. Just don't give up hope! You just may need more time.
Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Friday, January 21, 2011
Does Everyone with Bipolar Disorder Lie?
I've noticed that a lot of people search for this topic, so I figured I should write a blog on it. Does everyone with bipolar disorder lie? That's something that many people struggle with - especially the supporters of a loved one with bipolar disorder.
One of the phenomena that happens to people who have bipolar is that, in a manic episode, we don't always remember what we've said or done during that episode once it's over.
So when our supporter reminds us of something we've said or done, we might deny it, because we don't remember it. Then it might seem as if we're lying, but the simple truth is that we simply don't remember it. This is the most common thing that happens.
Unfortunately, however, there are some people with bipolar disorder who do lie to their supporter. Say, to try to get away with something they've done in an episode. It could involve drugs or alcohol, infidelity, trouble with the law, or any number of things. But it does involve fear of getting caught. So they lie.
Even though the person with bipolar disorder lies, they usually end up getting caught anyway. Then they have consequences to deal with - usually the consequences of a very angry supporter, who didn't appreciate being lied to.
Many supporters complain that their loved one lies to them often, and this is a shame. It really doesn't accomplish anything, and it pushes the supporter further away from them. I honestly can't tell you what your loved one is hoping to accomplish by lying to you, as it's not something that I have done, so I don't understand it.
What I have found out in my research is that some people with bipolar disorder do lie and manipulate their supporters - it's a fact. The reasons, however, are not as clear. Like I said earlier, it might stem from fear of getting caught because of something they've done. That could be one reason. Fear is a great motivator.
Another reason could be that they are not aware that they are lying. It could be a part of their disorder. Irrational thoughts are a part of bipolar disorder, and they could be acting out on those irrational thoughts.
They could be lying thinking that they're getting away with something - something that they think you (the supporter) don't know about.
Whatever the reason, lying is one of the worst things that someone with bipolar disorder can do. It causes friction and fighting between them and their supporter, and can cause their supporter to lose trust in them. Sometimes the damage to the relationship can almost be irreversible, or need therapy to help it.
If you have found yourself lying to your supporter, stop. It won't do you any good. If you cannot stop, please seek professional help, like a therapist or a counselor. At any rate, apologize to your supporter and talk to them about the problem. Lying is not something you want to be doing in a healthy relationship, and having bipolar disorder is no excuse for lying.
Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
One of the phenomena that happens to people who have bipolar is that, in a manic episode, we don't always remember what we've said or done during that episode once it's over.
So when our supporter reminds us of something we've said or done, we might deny it, because we don't remember it. Then it might seem as if we're lying, but the simple truth is that we simply don't remember it. This is the most common thing that happens.
Unfortunately, however, there are some people with bipolar disorder who do lie to their supporter. Say, to try to get away with something they've done in an episode. It could involve drugs or alcohol, infidelity, trouble with the law, or any number of things. But it does involve fear of getting caught. So they lie.
Even though the person with bipolar disorder lies, they usually end up getting caught anyway. Then they have consequences to deal with - usually the consequences of a very angry supporter, who didn't appreciate being lied to.
Many supporters complain that their loved one lies to them often, and this is a shame. It really doesn't accomplish anything, and it pushes the supporter further away from them. I honestly can't tell you what your loved one is hoping to accomplish by lying to you, as it's not something that I have done, so I don't understand it.
What I have found out in my research is that some people with bipolar disorder do lie and manipulate their supporters - it's a fact. The reasons, however, are not as clear. Like I said earlier, it might stem from fear of getting caught because of something they've done. That could be one reason. Fear is a great motivator.
Another reason could be that they are not aware that they are lying. It could be a part of their disorder. Irrational thoughts are a part of bipolar disorder, and they could be acting out on those irrational thoughts.
They could be lying thinking that they're getting away with something - something that they think you (the supporter) don't know about.
Whatever the reason, lying is one of the worst things that someone with bipolar disorder can do. It causes friction and fighting between them and their supporter, and can cause their supporter to lose trust in them. Sometimes the damage to the relationship can almost be irreversible, or need therapy to help it.
If you have found yourself lying to your supporter, stop. It won't do you any good. If you cannot stop, please seek professional help, like a therapist or a counselor. At any rate, apologize to your supporter and talk to them about the problem. Lying is not something you want to be doing in a healthy relationship, and having bipolar disorder is no excuse for lying.
Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Monday, January 3, 2011
Happy Bipolar New Year!!!
Well, it's come and gone, so Happy Bipolar New Year to all of you! I hope you had a good holiday season. I'd say that I did, but of course you followed mine through my blog here, so you know! lol
Up and down, up and down, that rollercoaster ride has me in its seat this week. My sons got together over the holidays and I guess got into a big fight (the older two did, putting the youngest one in the middle), and now they're not even talking to each other. I want to scream, "You're being so immature!" at them, and wring their pretty little necks, but on the other hand, it's like looking into a mirror.
There were many years when I had undiagnosed bipolar disorder that I would drink to mask the symptoms of bipolar and would end up in fights with everyone, and I think that's what happened here. But who am I to judge? I mean, I'm not judging - I love them all equally, they're all my sons, and it hurts horribly to see this going on. But I do believe that their bipolar disorder (undiagnosed) has something to do with it, and the drinking has the rest to do with it.
You just cannot mix the two. Especially when you throw emotions into the mix. Things gets stirred up, things get said that shouldn't get (and normally wouldn't get) said, and then there's a whole bunch of hurt feelings. When you've got men who've been drinking, there is no talking it out - it turns into fisticuffs. So then came the pushing. And my one son just left the other two at the bar and came home (he was staying with us), no longer talking to his brother.
Now, this hurts me to no end, but I also understand it. There was a period of time when I wouldn't talk to my sister, either. Don't even remember what started it. Drinking, I'm sure, had something to do with it. But I don't remember what was said, and before she died and we reconciled, neither did she. But we both had bipolar disorder, and of course for whatever the fight was about, we each were right. And we fought miserably for years about it. Funny that, in the end, neither of us could even remember what had started it.
After I got treatment for my bipolar and my addictions and alcoholism, I tried to make amends to a many people as I could (there were alot). Most of the time I couldn't remember what it had been about. I ony knew there were bad feelings between us. And I asked for forgiveness for whatever I had done. In most cases I received it, and boy, did that feel good. I didn't have to remember the fight to get that feeling of peace and joy.
Today I have no fights with anyone. I am at peace with everyone. I no longer drink, so no more drunken brawls. And my bipolar symptoms are well-medicated, so no more fights from that, either. I get along with everyone. How I wish I knew back then, when I was unmedicated, and self-medicating my bipolar symptoms with alcohol and drugs, that I didn't have to do any of that. I really wish I'd known that life could be as wonderful for me then as it is for me today.
Peace and joy, serenity and stability (along with sobriety) are my constant companions these days, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I no longer have to be right about everything. I no longer have to fight about everything. I can just be ME. And live in peace with my family, friends, and other people. And they with me.
Happy New Year, everyone. May it continue to be as peaceful as it has started.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Up and down, up and down, that rollercoaster ride has me in its seat this week. My sons got together over the holidays and I guess got into a big fight (the older two did, putting the youngest one in the middle), and now they're not even talking to each other. I want to scream, "You're being so immature!" at them, and wring their pretty little necks, but on the other hand, it's like looking into a mirror.
There were many years when I had undiagnosed bipolar disorder that I would drink to mask the symptoms of bipolar and would end up in fights with everyone, and I think that's what happened here. But who am I to judge? I mean, I'm not judging - I love them all equally, they're all my sons, and it hurts horribly to see this going on. But I do believe that their bipolar disorder (undiagnosed) has something to do with it, and the drinking has the rest to do with it.
You just cannot mix the two. Especially when you throw emotions into the mix. Things gets stirred up, things get said that shouldn't get (and normally wouldn't get) said, and then there's a whole bunch of hurt feelings. When you've got men who've been drinking, there is no talking it out - it turns into fisticuffs. So then came the pushing. And my one son just left the other two at the bar and came home (he was staying with us), no longer talking to his brother.
Now, this hurts me to no end, but I also understand it. There was a period of time when I wouldn't talk to my sister, either. Don't even remember what started it. Drinking, I'm sure, had something to do with it. But I don't remember what was said, and before she died and we reconciled, neither did she. But we both had bipolar disorder, and of course for whatever the fight was about, we each were right. And we fought miserably for years about it. Funny that, in the end, neither of us could even remember what had started it.
After I got treatment for my bipolar and my addictions and alcoholism, I tried to make amends to a many people as I could (there were alot). Most of the time I couldn't remember what it had been about. I ony knew there were bad feelings between us. And I asked for forgiveness for whatever I had done. In most cases I received it, and boy, did that feel good. I didn't have to remember the fight to get that feeling of peace and joy.
Today I have no fights with anyone. I am at peace with everyone. I no longer drink, so no more drunken brawls. And my bipolar symptoms are well-medicated, so no more fights from that, either. I get along with everyone. How I wish I knew back then, when I was unmedicated, and self-medicating my bipolar symptoms with alcohol and drugs, that I didn't have to do any of that. I really wish I'd known that life could be as wonderful for me then as it is for me today.
Peace and joy, serenity and stability (along with sobriety) are my constant companions these days, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I no longer have to be right about everything. I no longer have to fight about everything. I can just be ME. And live in peace with my family, friends, and other people. And they with me.
Happy New Year, everyone. May it continue to be as peaceful as it has started.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
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