Today is a happy day in Bipolarville. Actually, any day I'm not in a bipolar episode is a happy day in Bipolarville.
My husband and I were talking today about how we each have our bipolar disorders under control, and it's been a long time since either of us had an episode. Thank God for that.
But we don't take it for granted, either. We work it like we would a regular job. We do the things we have to do to stay stable. And we realize that we have to do these things every day for the rest of our lives.
Do we get resentful? I mean, after all, having to do something every day for the rest of your life can be a chore sometimes, can't it? But we feel that the trade-off is worth it. Stability is worth the price we pay.
And getting resentful wouldn't bring with it any useful purpose whatsoever. It would make things worse, in fact. Any negative feeling can build, especially if it is "stuffed," and lead to a boil-over into a bipolar episode. And nothing is worth that.
So we keep our peace. And our stability. Is it work? Yes, it is work. But, like I said, it is worth the work.
Some days are easier than other days. Each of us still has a "bad bipolar day" once in awhile, but we help each other through it. That's what a supporter is for, and we are that for each other.
I feel bad for people who don't have a good support system. I talked to a woman the other day who said that she had absolutely no one for support, no one she could turn to for help. That is really sad, because some days this dragon can really get to you, and it's worse if you have no one you can lean on and share those feelings with.
If you're like this woman, at least write those feelings down in a journal or keep a mood chart or diary. Don't let negative feelings build up or "stuff" them down - they will only boil up to the surface at some later date in the future, and come back to haunt you in the form of a bipolar episode.
You need to get rid of negative feelings, however you can, even if you don't have a supporter, friend, therapist, or a clergy person you can talk to. Don't hold things deep inside. At least write about them.
And remember, when times are tough, that "This too shall pass." Even the worst of times get better. Think to yourself that you've gotten through worse times than this, you can get through this, too. You can do it! You know you can! Try to come up with some positive affirmations that you can say to yourself to keep yourself as positive as possible.
No, it's not always a happy day in Bipolarville, but I'm sure grateful when it is.
BTW, check out my new bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Visiting the Past is Ok, But Don'tt Dwell on It
I truly believe in living life one day at a time, and especially in living in the moment (staying in the day you're in), especially if you have bipolar disorder.
I've had too many bipolar episodes that happened because I went too far into the past or for too long and got depressed, leading into a bipolar depressive episode, because it's like I couldn't get back to the present soon enough or easily enough to "rescue" myself before it was too late.
On the other hand, like my husband always says, "It took what it took," meaning that had things in my past not happened the way that they did, I wouldn't be the person that I am today, and I like who I am today.
My past has shaped the person I am now. It has made me a stronger person for what I had to go through, for what I had to endure. Now, don't get me wrong. There is no way I would want to go back through any of it again. But at least I can make the best of it now.
Mostly I use my past to help others, at least it has done that much for me. For example, my sobriety is sacred to me, and when I am talking to younger people about alcohol and drugs (and trying to keep them from using them), I will bring up things from my past to illustrate my points.
I will do the same thing when I'm talking about recovery from bipolar disorder. I wasn't always this stable. When talking to people who are newly diagnosed, or are still struggling with their disorder, I will tell them about things in my past that have helped me to become stable, things that might help them as well.
I also tell them about things that haven't worked, and things to stay away from, like trying to stay up all night, as I learned the hard way that that will usually lead to a bipolar manic episode. I learned the importance of a good sleep schedule, but just preaching that without using stories from my past sort of just falls limp. So I use the stories to back it up.
Tell someone a scary story about one of your hospitalizations from when you weren't sleeping, and they are more apt to listen when you tell them how important it is to get the right amount of sleep when you have bipolar disorder, believe me!
I will not dwell on my past. I will, however, visit it on occasion when I need to bring up something to illustrate a point. Staying there too long is still, no matter how long I've been stable, too dangerous a thing for me to do.
Check out my new bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
I've had too many bipolar episodes that happened because I went too far into the past or for too long and got depressed, leading into a bipolar depressive episode, because it's like I couldn't get back to the present soon enough or easily enough to "rescue" myself before it was too late.
On the other hand, like my husband always says, "It took what it took," meaning that had things in my past not happened the way that they did, I wouldn't be the person that I am today, and I like who I am today.
My past has shaped the person I am now. It has made me a stronger person for what I had to go through, for what I had to endure. Now, don't get me wrong. There is no way I would want to go back through any of it again. But at least I can make the best of it now.
Mostly I use my past to help others, at least it has done that much for me. For example, my sobriety is sacred to me, and when I am talking to younger people about alcohol and drugs (and trying to keep them from using them), I will bring up things from my past to illustrate my points.
I will do the same thing when I'm talking about recovery from bipolar disorder. I wasn't always this stable. When talking to people who are newly diagnosed, or are still struggling with their disorder, I will tell them about things in my past that have helped me to become stable, things that might help them as well.
I also tell them about things that haven't worked, and things to stay away from, like trying to stay up all night, as I learned the hard way that that will usually lead to a bipolar manic episode. I learned the importance of a good sleep schedule, but just preaching that without using stories from my past sort of just falls limp. So I use the stories to back it up.
Tell someone a scary story about one of your hospitalizations from when you weren't sleeping, and they are more apt to listen when you tell them how important it is to get the right amount of sleep when you have bipolar disorder, believe me!
I will not dwell on my past. I will, however, visit it on occasion when I need to bring up something to illustrate a point. Staying there too long is still, no matter how long I've been stable, too dangerous a thing for me to do.
Check out my new bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Communicating with Your Bipolar Supporter
Even now, after all this time without a bipolar episode, I still have bad moods, or what I call bad bipolar days. On those days, usually I just want my husband (my primary bipolar supporter) to leave me alone to work it out myself.
But there are other times when I just want him to hold me and tell me that everything's going to be all right. The problem is, I usually expect him to just read my mind and to know which thing I want him to do. Right. I expect him to be a mindreader. Not fair to him, is it? I know, but I do it anyway.
I wish I could blame it on my disorder, but I can't. The only thing I can blame it on is poor communication on my part. I can't expect him to be a mindreader any more than he could expect me to be. I have to tell him what my needs are if I expect him to fulfill them.
That's just good communication. It's also a part of good management of bipolar disorder. You need to be able to share your thoughts and feelings with your bipolar supporter. They love and care about you, and want to help you, but they can't do that if you don't give them any directions.
Our disorder (the dragon, as I call it) would try to fool you into thinking you're all alone in this fight against it, that your thoughts are always right, even if they're negative, but that's just not true. Sometimes your thoughts can fool you.
And thinking that you're alone is one of those thoughts. You are NOT alone! You have at least one other person, your primary supporter, who loves you and cares about you, and wants to help you get better. You should not shut them out, especially when you're experiencing negative thoughts.
I have had to learn that the hard way. But now I know that when I'm having a bad bipolar day, whether I want to be alone or whether I want my husband to just hold me and tell me that everything's going to be ok, I need to open up and share those thoughts and feelings with him, and NOT expect him to be a mindreader!
Our supporters are there for a reason. For us. To help us. But one thing they are not is mindreaders - they only know what we tell them. The better our communication is with them, the better supporters they can be. We can help them to be better supporters for us, and they need that from us.
Don't forget to check out my new bipolar book. Click here: www.brokenroseministries.com
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
But there are other times when I just want him to hold me and tell me that everything's going to be all right. The problem is, I usually expect him to just read my mind and to know which thing I want him to do. Right. I expect him to be a mindreader. Not fair to him, is it? I know, but I do it anyway.
I wish I could blame it on my disorder, but I can't. The only thing I can blame it on is poor communication on my part. I can't expect him to be a mindreader any more than he could expect me to be. I have to tell him what my needs are if I expect him to fulfill them.
That's just good communication. It's also a part of good management of bipolar disorder. You need to be able to share your thoughts and feelings with your bipolar supporter. They love and care about you, and want to help you, but they can't do that if you don't give them any directions.
Our disorder (the dragon, as I call it) would try to fool you into thinking you're all alone in this fight against it, that your thoughts are always right, even if they're negative, but that's just not true. Sometimes your thoughts can fool you.
And thinking that you're alone is one of those thoughts. You are NOT alone! You have at least one other person, your primary supporter, who loves you and cares about you, and wants to help you get better. You should not shut them out, especially when you're experiencing negative thoughts.
I have had to learn that the hard way. But now I know that when I'm having a bad bipolar day, whether I want to be alone or whether I want my husband to just hold me and tell me that everything's going to be ok, I need to open up and share those thoughts and feelings with him, and NOT expect him to be a mindreader!
Our supporters are there for a reason. For us. To help us. But one thing they are not is mindreaders - they only know what we tell them. The better our communication is with them, the better supporters they can be. We can help them to be better supporters for us, and they need that from us.
Don't forget to check out my new bipolar book. Click here: www.brokenroseministries.com
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Friday, June 11, 2010
Having Bipolar Disorder Does Not Make You Bad
Having bipolar disorder does not make you bad, or a bad person. But sometimes it does make you do bad things, like when you're in a bipolar episode.
I'm not saying that you don't have to take responsibility for the things you do during these episodes, because you do, but I am saying that there is a distinction to be made that you probably wouldn't have done these things if you weren't in a bipolar episode.
Here's an example. One time I was in a bipolar manic episode. I bought $64 worth of make up that I didn't need. Don't ask me why I bought it - somehow I had it justified to myself. I also didn't realize it totalled $64! That's a lot of money, especially just for make up.
But I did it. Only because I was in an episode. That doesn't mean that I'm a bad person. It just means I did something wrong because I have bipolar disorder and it made me do it.
There is a difference between who and what we are and what we do. What I mean by that is that I may do something stupid, but that doesn't mean that I AM stupid. See the difference?
I tried to teach my children that when they were growing up, because kids can be so mean, and kids at school would call each other names like stupid and such. That's why I love that Forrest Gump quote so much: "Stupid is as stupid does."
First and foremost, we are people. Just people. With our own identities. Only secondly are we people with a mental illness. There is a difference. We are NOT our disorder! We HAVE a mental disorder, but that does NOT mean that we ARE that disorder!
I always say that I HAVE bipolar disorder. I never say that I AM bipolar. I always try to make that distinction. It may not seem like much, but it is to me.
It helps me to remember to distinguish between who I am as a person (me) and what I have (bipolar disorder). And the fact that these are two totally different things.
Like I said before, having bipolar disorder does NOT make you a bad person, but it CAN cause you to do bad things sometimes, especially if you're in a bipolar episode. The best thing you can do is to take responsibility for the consequences of what you did during that episode, and then move forward. You are NOT a bad person - you are simply a person with a mental illness. You are a survivor! And survivors get better!
Remember to check out my new bipolar book. Click here: www.brokenroseministries.com
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
I'm not saying that you don't have to take responsibility for the things you do during these episodes, because you do, but I am saying that there is a distinction to be made that you probably wouldn't have done these things if you weren't in a bipolar episode.
Here's an example. One time I was in a bipolar manic episode. I bought $64 worth of make up that I didn't need. Don't ask me why I bought it - somehow I had it justified to myself. I also didn't realize it totalled $64! That's a lot of money, especially just for make up.
But I did it. Only because I was in an episode. That doesn't mean that I'm a bad person. It just means I did something wrong because I have bipolar disorder and it made me do it.
There is a difference between who and what we are and what we do. What I mean by that is that I may do something stupid, but that doesn't mean that I AM stupid. See the difference?
I tried to teach my children that when they were growing up, because kids can be so mean, and kids at school would call each other names like stupid and such. That's why I love that Forrest Gump quote so much: "Stupid is as stupid does."
First and foremost, we are people. Just people. With our own identities. Only secondly are we people with a mental illness. There is a difference. We are NOT our disorder! We HAVE a mental disorder, but that does NOT mean that we ARE that disorder!
I always say that I HAVE bipolar disorder. I never say that I AM bipolar. I always try to make that distinction. It may not seem like much, but it is to me.
It helps me to remember to distinguish between who I am as a person (me) and what I have (bipolar disorder). And the fact that these are two totally different things.
Like I said before, having bipolar disorder does NOT make you a bad person, but it CAN cause you to do bad things sometimes, especially if you're in a bipolar episode. The best thing you can do is to take responsibility for the consequences of what you did during that episode, and then move forward. You are NOT a bad person - you are simply a person with a mental illness. You are a survivor! And survivors get better!
Remember to check out my new bipolar book. Click here: www.brokenroseministries.com
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Accepting What You Do Not Like With Bipolar
Sometimes there are things I do not like about my bipolar disorder. Like when I have trouble falling asleep because my mind won't shut off. Or when my mood shifts just like that, without my having any sayso in the matter. Or like on days like this, when I just don't like the way the day is turning out - having had to put out almost $500 to get my car fixed.
No, I didn't like having to pay all that money to get my car fixed at all. But I didn't have any choice in the matter. The car just wouldn't start at all. And I don't know anything about fixing cars, and neither does my husband. So we have to depend on the car repair place, trusting them to be honest (and charge us labor on top of everything else). We know it cost more than it should have, but what could we do? It's our only means of transportation.
So, needless to say, I'm not the world's happiest of campers today. I'm trying to practice what I preach. I'm trying to get in a positive mood. I'm trying not to be negative. But shoot -- that sure put a big dent in our pocketbook. And now I have to "rob Peter to pay Paul," trying to figure out how to pay the bills, who will get paid and who won't, because someone will and someone won't. That's a big chunk of bill money!
So, will it help to sit here and stew about it? I know it won't. Should I get all depressed about it? I know I shouldn't. It won't help anything, and I know from experience that it would just make things worse.
So my only choice is to accept the inevitable. And to look at what good there is to be found in this. At least we had the money (albeit that it was bill paying money). We did have the money. We weren't broke down stranded anywhere. At least it stopped in our driveway (we had to be towed to the shop). It was repairable. It's fixed now, and we can drive the car. We had groceries while we were stranded over the weekend and couldn't drive the car. We were ok.
Neither of us went into a high anxiety or bipolar incident over the weekend while we were stranded. That was a real good thing. We stayed cool.
And now the car is fixed. Everything else will work out. We just have to keep our heads cool about us. And stay positive. Stay stress-free. And not make the situation worse. That's it.
It will be ok. God has always provided for our needs, and He'll do it again this time. We are not homeless (as I've been before with my bipolar), and we are not helpless (as I have also been with my bipolar before). We are not without food (which I have also been with my bipolar before). We are stable (thank God), and we are ok. Those are the main things. So, like it or not, this is the way it is. Things always get better.
Oh, don't forget to check out my new bipolar book. Click here: www.brokenroseministries.com
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
No, I didn't like having to pay all that money to get my car fixed at all. But I didn't have any choice in the matter. The car just wouldn't start at all. And I don't know anything about fixing cars, and neither does my husband. So we have to depend on the car repair place, trusting them to be honest (and charge us labor on top of everything else). We know it cost more than it should have, but what could we do? It's our only means of transportation.
So, needless to say, I'm not the world's happiest of campers today. I'm trying to practice what I preach. I'm trying to get in a positive mood. I'm trying not to be negative. But shoot -- that sure put a big dent in our pocketbook. And now I have to "rob Peter to pay Paul," trying to figure out how to pay the bills, who will get paid and who won't, because someone will and someone won't. That's a big chunk of bill money!
So, will it help to sit here and stew about it? I know it won't. Should I get all depressed about it? I know I shouldn't. It won't help anything, and I know from experience that it would just make things worse.
So my only choice is to accept the inevitable. And to look at what good there is to be found in this. At least we had the money (albeit that it was bill paying money). We did have the money. We weren't broke down stranded anywhere. At least it stopped in our driveway (we had to be towed to the shop). It was repairable. It's fixed now, and we can drive the car. We had groceries while we were stranded over the weekend and couldn't drive the car. We were ok.
Neither of us went into a high anxiety or bipolar incident over the weekend while we were stranded. That was a real good thing. We stayed cool.
And now the car is fixed. Everything else will work out. We just have to keep our heads cool about us. And stay positive. Stay stress-free. And not make the situation worse. That's it.
It will be ok. God has always provided for our needs, and He'll do it again this time. We are not homeless (as I've been before with my bipolar), and we are not helpless (as I have also been with my bipolar before). We are not without food (which I have also been with my bipolar before). We are stable (thank God), and we are ok. Those are the main things. So, like it or not, this is the way it is. Things always get better.
Oh, don't forget to check out my new bipolar book. Click here: www.brokenroseministries.com
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Can We Do All Things In Spite of Bipolar?
Some people with bipolar disorder are caught up in their limitations. Others do not let their limitations stop them. The best are those who are balanced between the two.
I go by the Scripture that says, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." I apply that to my bipolar disorder as well. Of course, I know I do have limitations because of my bipolar. Like, I cannot work a full-time job outside the home any more - it is just too stressful for me. I know that Scripture is true, yet I also have to be realistic because of my bipolar.
Yet I have come so far since I was first diagnosed and my greatest accomplishment sometimes was simply getting out of bed or getting dressed for the day. I remember those days, and it was really difficult for me. Times were so hard, and I was so depressed. Other times I thought I would fly off the side of a building if I weren't contained. That's where medication really helped me.
Of course, time has really helped me, too. Over the years, I've learned to manage my bipolar disorder so that I'm no longer struggling to get out of bed or to stop myself from flying off a building. I've been able to maintain a part-time job writing for a bipolar website, and I've written four books (go to www.brokenroseministries.com to order).
I've been able to accomplish a lot more than they thought I'd be able to when I was first diagnosed, because I had such a bad case of bipolar. I believe a lot of it has to do with that Scripture. Yes, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. But I also have to do some of the footwork myself.
I've had to do what I could to manage my bipolar as well. I take my medications regularly, see my psychiatrist and therapist, and do what I can to take care of myself.
I've grown a lot over the years, as has my stability. We learn and we grow. And we become more stable. Look back over your years. Aren't you more stable now than you were when you were first diagnosed?
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
ps. Check out my new bipolar book at www.brokenroseministries.com
I go by the Scripture that says, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." I apply that to my bipolar disorder as well. Of course, I know I do have limitations because of my bipolar. Like, I cannot work a full-time job outside the home any more - it is just too stressful for me. I know that Scripture is true, yet I also have to be realistic because of my bipolar.
Yet I have come so far since I was first diagnosed and my greatest accomplishment sometimes was simply getting out of bed or getting dressed for the day. I remember those days, and it was really difficult for me. Times were so hard, and I was so depressed. Other times I thought I would fly off the side of a building if I weren't contained. That's where medication really helped me.
Of course, time has really helped me, too. Over the years, I've learned to manage my bipolar disorder so that I'm no longer struggling to get out of bed or to stop myself from flying off a building. I've been able to maintain a part-time job writing for a bipolar website, and I've written four books (go to www.brokenroseministries.com to order).
I've been able to accomplish a lot more than they thought I'd be able to when I was first diagnosed, because I had such a bad case of bipolar. I believe a lot of it has to do with that Scripture. Yes, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. But I also have to do some of the footwork myself.
I've had to do what I could to manage my bipolar as well. I take my medications regularly, see my psychiatrist and therapist, and do what I can to take care of myself.
I've grown a lot over the years, as has my stability. We learn and we grow. And we become more stable. Look back over your years. Aren't you more stable now than you were when you were first diagnosed?
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
ps. Check out my new bipolar book at www.brokenroseministries.com
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Small Things Count with Bipolar Disorder
Sometimes it's the small things that count with bipolar disorder. Like the other day, I was supposed to go to my step-daughter's high school graduation and, wouldn't you know it, I started getting all anxious just thinking about all the people that were going to be there (I don't do well in big crowds).
I started hyperventilating and shaking and everything, and before you know it, I was all worked up. So I started thinking about what I could do to calm down, because I knew I had to go soon.
So I started doing some deep breathing exercises. Something small, but it made a big difference. Soon I started calming down. I stopped shaking, and stopped hyperventilating. The anxiety went away.
I also changed my thought patterns. Another small thing. I kept thinking, "This is not about ME. This is about HER. I don't want to disappoint her - she is looking forward to seeing me and her dad there. I have to go."
I just kept repeating that over and over to myself, and pretty soon, that helped to calm me down as well. Just another small thing, but it worked.
See? Sometimes it's just the small things that can make a big difference. Two small things that I did that made a big difference in what was happening to me at the time.
But if I hadn't done anything, it could have made a bigger difference in my bipolar disorder at the time.
Sometimes we can blow things out of proportion, too. We can let little things become great big things if we don't do something about them right away when we can.
If I hadn't done what I did when I did, I may have had to miss my step-daughter's graduation, and then I might have gotten depressed, and that would have just made everything worse.
It's better to take care of things as they happen, with the bipolar tools that you have to work with right then, than to have things get worse later.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
ps. Check out my new bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com
I started hyperventilating and shaking and everything, and before you know it, I was all worked up. So I started thinking about what I could do to calm down, because I knew I had to go soon.
So I started doing some deep breathing exercises. Something small, but it made a big difference. Soon I started calming down. I stopped shaking, and stopped hyperventilating. The anxiety went away.
I also changed my thought patterns. Another small thing. I kept thinking, "This is not about ME. This is about HER. I don't want to disappoint her - she is looking forward to seeing me and her dad there. I have to go."
I just kept repeating that over and over to myself, and pretty soon, that helped to calm me down as well. Just another small thing, but it worked.
See? Sometimes it's just the small things that can make a big difference. Two small things that I did that made a big difference in what was happening to me at the time.
But if I hadn't done anything, it could have made a bigger difference in my bipolar disorder at the time.
Sometimes we can blow things out of proportion, too. We can let little things become great big things if we don't do something about them right away when we can.
If I hadn't done what I did when I did, I may have had to miss my step-daughter's graduation, and then I might have gotten depressed, and that would have just made everything worse.
It's better to take care of things as they happen, with the bipolar tools that you have to work with right then, than to have things get worse later.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
ps. Check out my new bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com
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