Anniversary of My Sister's Suicide

Today is a very painful day for me. It is the anniversary of my only sister's suicide. It's been five years now, but the pain is still the same. People say it gets easier, but it sure hasn't for me - every year it is just as hard for me.

This morning I lit a candle and placed it in front of my favorite picture of the two of us and talked to her for a little while, telling her how much I miss her, and cried for awhile. I do miss her, so very much. Of course, that part isn't just today, that part is every single day. I have other girlfriends, but Debi was my best friend in the world.

She would call me every morning from Florida (I live in Tennessee) and we would talk about everything and nothing, you know, just sister stuff. We called it "having coffee together." It felt like we were really together, you know? The only day she ever missed was the day she killed herself. That's how I knew something was wrong. And then I got the call from her husband. I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. All the air went out from me, and I just kept screaming, "NO! NO! NO!" over and over and over again!

I went into shock. I just couldn't believe that my sister, my best friend, was dead. There had been no clues. And she left no suicide note. We had no answers, just a whole lot of questions. Apparently, my sister had been a really great actress, because I talked to her every day, and I had no idea of the amount of pain she was in.

Here's the "story behind the story." You see, Debi had bipolar disorder. And she had gotten it into her head that she was "cured," because she was feeling so good, so she went off her medication. This caused her to become irrational, and eventually she killed herself. All because she went off her medication.

So if you ever wonder why I get up on my soapbox and preach so often and so strongly about staying on your bipolar medications, this is why. I wouldn't want your family members to go through what my family and I are going through today, what we go through every day having my sister gone from our lives. Needlessly.

You would have loved Debi. When she was stable on her bipolar medication, she was so full of life and so happy! She no longer had the mood swings that she had before. She was on an even keel. She was productive, running a multi-million dollar corporation from home that she and her husband had started. She was very successful, and her clients loved her. She had a great sense of humor, and everyone loved being around her. She always made everyone feel good about themselves.

I know she made me feel good about myself. She always believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. See, I had wanted to be a successful author since I was 12 years old. She believed I would be, even though I doubted. That's part of why today is so hard for me. I've just gotten four books published, and she isn't here to share in this success with me, and I so wish she were. She would be so proud of me.

I've said all that to say this: Please, I am begging you, please stay on your bipolar medications, even if you don't want to. I know there may be some side effects, and sometimes they may be hard to handle, but it's better than the alternative. Remember what I've just written. Think about it. Remember Debi's story. And don't go off your medications no matter what. I don't want your family members to suffer like I am today.

Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele