Well, my new website is up (www.brokenroseministries.com), and the new bipolar book is available for purchase on it, as well as other books I've written. The bipolar book is called Bipolar Disorder - One Day at a Time: A Devotional Journal for Those with Bipolar Disorder. It's got 30 days worth of devotional inspirational readings that will help you deal with your bipolar disorder specifically, as well as room to record your own thoughts and feelings as you go through the devotional. Check it out!
There's another book on there that will help uplift you as well and help you to deal with your daily struggle, called Water in the Desert: A 40-day Devotional Journal Through the Desert of Deliverance. It's available at www.brokenroseministries.com as well.
My testimony of healing, Thorns in the Rose is on there and should be available in the next week or so. Just keep watching!
For those who struggle with yo-yo weight problems like I do, I wrote Feasting on the Banquet of His Presence: Weight Loss God's Way. I lost 60 pounds in 9 months using the principles, God's principles, that I've outlined in this book. Along with the book is a 12-week devotional to help you with your own weight loss. This book should be available for purchase in the next few days.
Well, thanks for letting me do my commercial for my new books!
Check out the website anyway - hopefully, it will uplift and encourage you. I have another blog on there as well. It's www.brokenroseministries.com. See you there!
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Monday, March 22, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
My Son Tried to Kill Himself
I guess I should explain my absence from posting, as you deserve to know. A few weeks ago, my middle son (25 years old) tried to kill himself. He got drunk and took a bunch of pills. It was a plan - he dressed in a suit, and even wrote out his will. He had every intention of dying. Fortunately, as he says, "something or someone made me throw up" even before the cops and EMT's got there. I believe it was God, and I thank Him for saving my son's life.
He says now that he has a "second chance." He is motivated now to get a better job, and to move forward with his plans and dreams. He is much changed! He had an awful time in the ER for five hours, and definitely does not want to relive the experience.
However, I went into a depression over it - I made the mistake of feeling guilt, and going through all the woulda-coulda-shoulda's. I should have seen it coming... I could have done something to help him... I would have done something to stop him... Until I realized that this isn't on me - it's on him, and only him. He made the decision, he followed through. There were no "clues" leading up to it. And I do not believe he would have done it if he weren't drunk, which he says was part of his plan, so it would give him the nerve to carry through.
I stopped feeling guilty, because as much as I love him, and as close to him as I am, there really is nothing I can do for him except to love him unconditionally with a mother's love. I can be here for him, but I cannot do things for him (that would be enabling him, and just make matters worse). But I do make sure that he is getting up every day, eating, taking care of his needs, and doing what he needs to do (like get a job). But again, I cannot do these things for him.
That's the hardest thing, as a mother. I want to "fix" him, or fix things for him. I want him to be happy. I don't want him ever again to feel the stress, pressure, and pain that caused him to try to take his own life. That's because I love him so much. But I still cannot do anything for him except to pray for him and be there for him if he needs me. And he is in contact with me (or I with him) every day now, as he is on the mend.
CJ is better now. And so am I. As horrible as it all was, it was not worth a depressive bipolar episode for me. I believe he also has (undiagnosed) bipolar disorder, but I cannot force him to go get treatment. He is an adult, making his own decisions. I wish I could do this for him, but I can't. I wish he would get treatment, so this doesn't happen again, but I can't. I have to take a step back, just as other family members of a loved one with a mental illness, and hope that he'll be ok.
I pray for him every day, yet I still take care of myself as well. I will do what I can for him, but mostly I am watching him and praying that he learned his lesson (that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem) and will face his problems now without being overwhelmed by them. Or, if he becomes overwhelmed, that he will talk to someone about it before making another bad decision.
All I can do is love him and pray for him. Yet those are the hardest things for a mother to do when her son is in pain. I wish I could do more.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
He says now that he has a "second chance." He is motivated now to get a better job, and to move forward with his plans and dreams. He is much changed! He had an awful time in the ER for five hours, and definitely does not want to relive the experience.
However, I went into a depression over it - I made the mistake of feeling guilt, and going through all the woulda-coulda-shoulda's. I should have seen it coming... I could have done something to help him... I would have done something to stop him... Until I realized that this isn't on me - it's on him, and only him. He made the decision, he followed through. There were no "clues" leading up to it. And I do not believe he would have done it if he weren't drunk, which he says was part of his plan, so it would give him the nerve to carry through.
I stopped feeling guilty, because as much as I love him, and as close to him as I am, there really is nothing I can do for him except to love him unconditionally with a mother's love. I can be here for him, but I cannot do things for him (that would be enabling him, and just make matters worse). But I do make sure that he is getting up every day, eating, taking care of his needs, and doing what he needs to do (like get a job). But again, I cannot do these things for him.
That's the hardest thing, as a mother. I want to "fix" him, or fix things for him. I want him to be happy. I don't want him ever again to feel the stress, pressure, and pain that caused him to try to take his own life. That's because I love him so much. But I still cannot do anything for him except to pray for him and be there for him if he needs me. And he is in contact with me (or I with him) every day now, as he is on the mend.
CJ is better now. And so am I. As horrible as it all was, it was not worth a depressive bipolar episode for me. I believe he also has (undiagnosed) bipolar disorder, but I cannot force him to go get treatment. He is an adult, making his own decisions. I wish I could do this for him, but I can't. I wish he would get treatment, so this doesn't happen again, but I can't. I have to take a step back, just as other family members of a loved one with a mental illness, and hope that he'll be ok.
I pray for him every day, yet I still take care of myself as well. I will do what I can for him, but mostly I am watching him and praying that he learned his lesson (that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem) and will face his problems now without being overwhelmed by them. Or, if he becomes overwhelmed, that he will talk to someone about it before making another bad decision.
All I can do is love him and pray for him. Yet those are the hardest things for a mother to do when her son is in pain. I wish I could do more.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
NAMI Day on the Hill
Well, I'm here in Nashville, TN, for NAMI's (National Alliance on Mental Illness) Day on the Hill. This is when we talk to our representatives about mental health care issues. I'll be speaking with my Senator in just a few hours.
I don't know what it's like in your state, but in mine, they are proposing to cut even more money out of the mental health care budget. Here it means they may have to shut down Peer Support Centers, which would hurt a lot of people who have a mental illness like bipolar disorder.
I've been teaching a Bridges class at a local peer center, and there's a woman in the class who said that if it weren't for the Peer Center, she would still be on the streets, homeless and hungry, and sick. It costs less than $4 per person per day for a Peer Support Center. Without it, many of these people would be in the hospital (at over $600/day) or in jail (at over $3,000/mo.).
I don't usually get up on a soapbox about anything, especially not anything political, but this is different. This hits home. There was a time when I was homeless because of my bipolar disorder, and lucky I didn't end up in jail for some of the stunts I pulled when in a manic episode.
I consider myself very, very lucky that I was able to get help for my disorder. If I didn't, I don't know where I'd be today.
Instead, I'm balanced and stable, happily married, living in a nice duplex on a horse farm, driving a (very used) car without any problems, and paying my bills. And I'm about to get my first book (about when I had 8 different multiple personalities) published. Yes, I'm very blessed.
But others are not as fortunate. What would you do if you couldn't get help?
I urge you to contact your state representatives and ask them not to make the proposed mental health care cuts. Or check out the NAMI website for more information.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
I don't know what it's like in your state, but in mine, they are proposing to cut even more money out of the mental health care budget. Here it means they may have to shut down Peer Support Centers, which would hurt a lot of people who have a mental illness like bipolar disorder.
I've been teaching a Bridges class at a local peer center, and there's a woman in the class who said that if it weren't for the Peer Center, she would still be on the streets, homeless and hungry, and sick. It costs less than $4 per person per day for a Peer Support Center. Without it, many of these people would be in the hospital (at over $600/day) or in jail (at over $3,000/mo.).
I don't usually get up on a soapbox about anything, especially not anything political, but this is different. This hits home. There was a time when I was homeless because of my bipolar disorder, and lucky I didn't end up in jail for some of the stunts I pulled when in a manic episode.
I consider myself very, very lucky that I was able to get help for my disorder. If I didn't, I don't know where I'd be today.
Instead, I'm balanced and stable, happily married, living in a nice duplex on a horse farm, driving a (very used) car without any problems, and paying my bills. And I'm about to get my first book (about when I had 8 different multiple personalities) published. Yes, I'm very blessed.
But others are not as fortunate. What would you do if you couldn't get help?
I urge you to contact your state representatives and ask them not to make the proposed mental health care cuts. Or check out the NAMI website for more information.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
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