Be Happy With Who You Are, Despite the Bipolar

I can't believe I wrote that last post -- really, a song about the Bipolar Blahs? What was I thinking? LOL

Well, as always happens, things have a way of working themselves out, and I am not under as much stress as I was. In thinking about it, though, I wonder how much of it was of my own making? I mean, not following my own advice.

Today things are much better for me. I feel happy today. Nothing special is going on, and nothing special happened to make me feel this way, it's just a good day (which is great, considering my last post!).

Things don't always have to go right for you to be happy with who you are. You can be happy despite the bipolar. In fact, TO spite the disorder! In other words, not letting it be in control of how you feel about yourself and the things that are happening around you.

If you have a situation going on and you can do something to change it, do. If not, accept. Remember the Serenity Prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." (emphasis mine)

We can't always change our circumstances, but we don't have to let them influence who we are. We are survivors! By virtue of the very fact that we are not in the hospital right now bears that truth out. Have you ever been hospitalized for your bipolar disorder? Then you should be feeling GREAT today that you aren't! I know that I am. I am so grateful to be stable today.

I'm glad I am who I am. I am a living miracle, because it's a miracle that I've survived my own life (with 5 suicide attempts to my name and 5 hospitalizations)! And I'm still here to talk about it and to help others who are going through what I went through. You can do that, too, just be a good example for those who are still struggling.

I talked with a woman the other day whose son (20 years old) has bipolar disorder, and he is in all kinds of trouble because he won't take his medication and therefore cannot maintain his stability. My mother's heart really went out to this woman, because I know there's nothing she can do to help her son until (and unless) he is ready to receive help.

But just talking to that mother made me feel happy to be who I am and where I'm at, because I think I was able to offer her some encouragement - if nothing else, than the fact that she is NOT ALONE.

That's what I'm grateful for today - I am NOT alone! And neither are you. No matter what your thoughts are telling you, you are not the only one who is going through what you're going through. I have been there, and so have many others. And we've all come out the other side, changed for the better. You will, too.

If you're feeling alone and can't find a support group (DBSA usually has one) near you, get online - there are many chats and forums for people with bipolar disorder. If you want to be encouraged, read some of the articles and bipolar success stories on http://www.bipolarcentral.com/.

Don't dwell on the negative - remember that "This too shall pass." You've been through negative (bad) things before, and you survived, so you can survive this as well. Yes, you are a SURVIVOR! And that says a lot about you. It means that you've got courage! Remember that about yourself. Because courage is not the absence of fear, it is the presence of FAITH!

It means that you are a fighter! Remember that, as well, and don't let your disorder beat you up today! YOU can emerge victorious over your disorder if you just don't give up, and keep doing the things you need to do to stay stable. Stability is your "gold medal" of victory today!

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

The Bipolar Blahs

I feel like I should make up some song called "The Bipolar Blahs" to describe those times when you just don't feel like coping with what you're being presented with in a given day. Perfect example - I just don't feel like working today. It's a blah day for me. I have little motivation, and even less inspiration. Wish I could just bring in a note from my mom and get an "excused absence" like my kids used to do. Then lay around doing nothing all day.

Unfortunately, song or no song, I have to be responsible. Especially because I have bipolar disorder, because people are watching me to see what I'll do. And it really is true that you need to be productive in some way to maintain your bipolar stability.

I know on my Sundays (my one day off), I laze around and watch old movies on TV all day. But I allow myself that, because I worked hard the other 6 days. So it's kind of like a reward, but a necessity as well, put in place so I truly do relax one day of the week, so I don't get overwhelmed from overwork (which I did at one point, thus explaining my Sundays now).

I'm not really depressed, but I'm not thoroughly overjoyed, either. You ever have one of those days? I don't want to call myself lazy (although lazy is how I'm feeling), because that has such a negative ring to it. And I don't want to be unproductive for the same reason.

So what's the answer? Plod on thru The Bipolar Blahs until tomorrow, the best way I can, and hope that tomorrow I have more of an optimistic outlook.

Another important point is that you have to rule out any physical reason for feeling this way. Like my girlfriend has this awful cold, and I might be getting it. So look for a physical cause for it before you go tagging it a bipolar depressive episode (they don't really come as frequently as people think they do, unless you're a rapid cycler).

Ok, so let's make the best of this (how???)...

Ah, pull out the old Attitude of Gratitude. I may not "feel" like it, but when I do a Gratitude List (written or in my head) anyway, my spirits start to be lifted. I truly am grateful for the smallest of things in my life. Like the fact that the ice stopped outside. Or that my children are healthy. Or that I'm not in an episode. Or that I have a wonderful husband and supporter. Or that I have a job (even tho I don't feel like working it right now)... well, you get the idea. Count your many blessings, even the small ones, and after awhile, The Bipolar Blahs may very well just go away with your gratitude!

If not (and it's possible that they won't), just count it as a bad bipolar day, and believe that tomorrow will be better. Then try to wake up tomorrow in an optimistic mood. Otherwise, I may have to write that song after all! LOL

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Fatigue vs. Bipolar Depression

I am so tired... maybe I'm coming down with something. I even feel a little down. But at least I know I'm not in a bipolar depression. How can I tell? Well, for one thing, I have no other symptoms than the fatigue.

I like that saying, "Life is a test. It is only a test. If it were real, you'd have been given better instructions!" LOL

That's how I feel about today. It's not a real bipolar depression, or it would have more symptoms. I'm just tired, and I know it. I have trouble falling asleep at night sometimes, and last night was one of those times. When I'm asleep, don't even try to wake me up, it's like waking the dead! But it's the getting to sleep that's the problem for me. I even take medication for it, but sometimes it doesn't do the job. So I get back up and drink some "Sweet Dreams" tea with honey and take a Melatonin. Then I try again. It usually works.

The important thing is that I know the difference between normal tiredness and a bipolar depression. I keep track of my moods on a mood chart daily, and I haven't seen a pattern of depressive moods, so I know today is just an anomaly. It's ok to feel down for a day. I give myself permission to not be perfect for one day. It doesn't mean it's the start of a bipolar episode.

I don't take naps, so that's no solution, either - it would make it too hard to fall asleep at night. So I'm stuck with the way I feel, I guess. Just finished work a little early, so I think I'm going to take a break and watch some t.v. (oh my gosh, do they even have t.v. during the day? LOL).

Trying to keep my sense of humor, and that worked. I feel better just having written about it. Here's to a better tomorrow! :)

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Another Good Bipolar Day

Well, today was a good day for me. Of course, every day without a bipolar episode is a good day for me! Nothing special happened, I guess I was just in a good mood. Which is so different from a manic mood! I worked on the bipolar newsletter for www.bipolarcentral.com today, and I really enjoy writing articles, so that was part of the reason for my good mood, too.

I just feel happy, you know? No real reason to point to, except being happy that I'm stable. Which always makes me happy. I mean, I'm no millionaire living in a mansion and driving a brand new BMW or anything - but, like the Scripture says, "I have known what it is to be in plentry and I know what it is to be in want, and I have learned the secret to contentment in whatever situation I am in." I'm so glad that God is in charge of my life instead of me - I sure messed it up for awhile there! Oh, I could blame it on undiagnosed bipolar disorder, but either way, I had to pay the consequences.

I think part of the reason for my feeling good are the health changes I made at the New Year - I've quit smoking, and I've already lost 3 pounds! I'm going tomorrow to pick up some free weights to begin my strength training workouts, but I have the worksheets ready. I'm getting serious about this now! Walking is one thing, but I want to carry it up a notch. And it's only 3 days a week for about 20 min. a day, so I won't be stressing myself out, and hopefully not get bored like I usually have in the past and quit exercising.

It seems like exercising has been a thorn in my side ever since I began working on my bipolar stability. I think I'm just a lazy person at heart. :) But my resolution this year was to get as healthy as I can. I believe that if we're physically healthy, it's much easier to be emotionally healthy as well. I've preached it for a long time, now I'm going to do it myself!

I hope everyone had a good holiday. If you struggled, I pray that you had someone close who loves you to support you through the tough times. I believe this is going to be a good year - I hope you believe it, too. Let's be optimistic together!

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele