Good Bipolar Days

There just aren't enough good bipolar days, I'll tell you that. I wish I had more of them, but who am I to complain, when I used to have so many bad ones that I never thought my life would have any semblance of normal, much less be as good as it is now?

I really am grateful, though, for the good days that I do have. I try to accomplish as much as I can on those days, too, because I never know what the next day is going to bring - whether it will be another good day or a bad one. That's the unpredictability of bipolar disorder.

Oh, but sometimes the good days are just so good, aren't they?

My favorite days are my do-nothing, laze around the house, watch DVD's, Sundays. I don't have to do anything, be anywhere, see anyone...I can just relax and be a couch potato if I want to! Oh, it's so much fun to just be lazy, isn't it? I love it!

It's different when you work hard all week and earn a lazy Sunday day than like it used to be when you'd be so depressed that every day was a bad bipolar day and you couldn't get out of bed or off the couch.

On good bipolar days you can accomplish so much! You can get everything done off your To-Do-List that you can, and even if you can't, it doesn't bother you - you just put it off till the next day.

On good bipolar days you feel so good about yourself - not like you used to when you would get so down on yourself on those bad bipolar days, not just feeling bad about the day, or the disorder itself, but about yourself (and others) as well.

On good bipolar days, everything just seems better than on other days. You just feel better about everything in general. You feel more stable, and in a better mood. Not manic or anything, just in a good mood. Gosh, don't you just love good bipolar days?

On good bipolar days, even if something bad does happen, you feel more able to cope with it - your problem solving skills are better than they are on a bad bipolar day. You can handle things better on a good bipolar day. Most things don't seem to bother you, either. You have more peace and joy. It's just a good day!

On good bipolar days it doen't bother you so much that you have bipolar disorder. You feel like you're managing the disorder pretty well, and that you're doing really well. And that's a good feeling - to feel like you're on top of this thing instead of the other way around, like you might feel on a bad bipolar day. It's great to feel like you're in control, isn't it?

On good bipolar days, everything is just GOOD, and that's the bottom line. They may not come very often, but when they do, we need to appreciate them.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

How to Beat the Bipolar Blahs

Ever get the blahs? Nothing's wrong, but you don't feel like everything's right, either. You don't feel like doing anything, and even if you did, you don't have the energy for it, physically or mentally.

You may not exactly be depressed, it may be more like a feeling of boredom or laziness, but yet not be any of those things. You just feel blah!

The worst part of it is that usually you don't know why you're feeling this way, all you know is that you DO feel like this. And it can be frustrating to not know why, so now you're not only blah, but you're frustratingly blah.

Believe me, I'm not making light of this subject. I know how serious it can be. Because if you don't get out of the blahs, you can get depressed, and that can lead to a bipolar depressive episode.

So the first thing I would suggest to get out of the bipolar blahs would be to see your doctor to find out if there is a physical cause for the way you're feeling. You could be anemic, you could have thyroid problems (usually women), you could be low in potassium or another mineral, you could be eating something toxic, you could have the beginning of the flu, or any number of physical problems that your doctor can find.

If the reason you're feeling blah is not physical, then you need to work on the problem yourself. For that I suggest a few things. First of all, in spite of how you feel, try to accomplish something. Anything. Maybe something you've been meaning to get to or something you missed on your To-Do List.

Another thing I suggest for the bipolar blahs is to pamper yourself. Take a nice, long, hot, luxurious bath and listen to some soothing music or other music that you like. And don't get out till the water turns cold!

Something else might be to do something good for yourself. Go shopping, and treat yourself to that little something that you've been wishing for (but make sure you're not manic!).

Take the time to cozy up to that good book that you've said you don't have time for, or read anything inspirational. Catch up on email or letters (you may not feel like talking to anyone). If you do feel like talking, call an old friend.

Take a long walk in the park or along the sand if you're near a beach. Sit on the swings at the playground and watch the children play. Do anything you want, as long as it makes you feel good and doesn't interfere with your bipolar disorder.

And while you're thinking about it... turn your thoughts to good things. Think about how far you've come with your bipolar disorder. Think about how things were a year ago compared to how they are now. Aren't you progressing? That's a good thing. And if you choose to, you can think about other good things, too.

Take care of yourself (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) and take care of your bipolar disorder, and pretty soon you'll find that you've beaten the bipolar blahs.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

Bipolar: What Are You Passionate About?

Everyone is passionate about something. Or at least they should be. It's part of what keeps the excitement in your llife. It keeps you heading toward your goals. It gives you determination. It is part of the makeup of your character.

I am passionate about helping people. Whether it is my writing or my speaking (one-on-one or groups), as long as I am helping at least one person, it helps to keep me passionate.

I'm sure you have read it in my blog - in my last one I was passionate about my sister and her suicide, and about people with bipolar disorder going off their medication (don't!). So suicide is something else I'm passionate about.

I want everyone to hold strongly onto their lives, no matter what they're going through. So I try to help people through what they're going through.

There's no disputing that I had a bad past. But I am passionate about using that past to help others. I believe that I went through what I did for a reason, and that reason is so I can help people.

Otherwise it was just a lot of wasted agony and suffering. But if just one person can benefit from my pain and suffering, then it was worth it.

It's kind of hard, having helping people to be what you're passionate about, because by its nature, bipolar disorder can be a very selfish disorder - it tries to keep you thinking only about yourself.

Like I had said in my last post, if you think about suicide, you are only thinking about your own pain, and not the pain you would cause those you'd leave behind if you did kill yourself.

A bipolar depression is another example - sometimes the depression brings you to self-pity, making it last even longer. At those times, it's hard to even listen to the encouragement of others through the ears of self-pity.

So what are YOU passionate about? Your job? Your hobbies? Your volunteer work? People? Your family? Your hopes and dreams? Your education? Your future? Your relationship? A cause?

I am also passionate about the cause of mental illness. I am involved with NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) and their program called In Your Own Voice, where you go to venues and tell your story of mental illness and recovery.

I am also a trainer in this program, training other presenters on how to tell their stories. I am truly passionate about this, because it helps to de-stigmatize mental illness and give people hope about recovery from it.

I am all about giving people, especially people with bipolar disorder and other disorders, hope and encouragement that things won't always be this way if they are struggling. I want them to know that if I can recover, so can they - that if I could reach stability, then it is a possibility for them as well.

Too many people with bipolar live isolated lives, with a negative outlook on their future - they have no hope that things will get better for them, but I am passionate about letting them know that things CAN get better, even if you have bipolar disorder.

I am a good example. By all rights, I should have been one of those "throwaway" cases, with no hope for stability, much less recovery. But look at me now! I was passionate about becoming an author, and I have achieved that dream, for one example.

I was passionate about re-establishing relationships with my children, and I have achieved that dream. I have been passionate about several things and have achieved those dreams as well.

If you know what you are passionate about, you have a direction to your life. I hope you have that direction. But if you don't, I encourage you today to think about this topic. What ARE you passionate about?

If you don't know, come up with something, and throw yourself into it. It will make a difference in your life, believe me! And possibly in other people's lives as well!

Be passionate!

Wishing you peace and stability,

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

Remembering Debi's Suicide

I was communicating with someone yesterday and she brought up my sister Debi, which started me thinking about her again. I mean, I think about her alot, but not like I used to - every day, and of course the tears would come. I never thought I would get over her suicide.

In case you are a new reader, my sister Deb was only in her forties when she went off her bipolar medication, got a gun (on impulse), and killed herself. It was all out of the blue. No suicide note. No hints. No indications. No threats. No prior attempts. No nothing. Just one day she was here and the next day she wasn't.

It tore me to the core. I felt like I had died with her. It took over FIVE years before I could talk or write about her without crying. I still do sometimes, especially if it's been awhile, or it's her birthday or deathday (I celebrate both). Or today.

I'm ok with older people dying, because I feel like they've lived out their lives, but I am not ok with my sister dying. She was too young. She had so much still to do. But the worst of all - we never got to say goodbye. Yes, I'd say that was the worst of all.

God, how I miss her. In all the literature on bipolar disorder, you read about the statistics on people with bipolar committing suicide (1 in 5), you read about the reasons they might do it, you can read all about suicide, but never does it actually prepare you for it happening in your family. Never.

Never does any of the books or literature tell you how very painful it will be when you lose a loved one to this disorder. The pain is just indescribable. Unbearable at first. You can't breathe. You feel like you can't go on. When I was told the news (over the phone), I felt like I was punched in the stomach and all the air was sucked out of me. All I could say was, "No, no, no." Even today that pain is as palpable as it was then.

It shouldn't have happened. It never would have happened if Debi had stayed on her bipolar medication. This woman was the very definition of verve, of life. Just being around her would lift your spirits! You felt better just having her in your life. There are some people who enrich your life just by being a part of it, and Debi was that kind of person. She is terribly missed, by more than just me.

So if you are struggling right now, seeing suicide as a viable option to your problems, think again. Stop thinking of yourself and your own pain and suffering and think about the pain and suffering you will cause those you will leave behind, because it will be enormous, more than you could imagine. We still mourn my sister's death, and it's been 6 years since she killed herself. Someone said you eventually get over it, but I don't think I ever will. I loved her that much. You are loved that much.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Don't forget to check out my book on bipolar at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

Bipolar: Follow-up News

Sorry it's been awhile since I've written, but I've had my hands full. We had to fly my husband down from Tennessee to Florida with assistance from a walker and a wheelchair, but at least we got him here. He still needs a lot of care, and isn't walking yet, but the walker and wheelchair help him. Between the two, he gets around pretty good.

At least his bipolar disorder is stable, though, and that's important. One less thing we have to worry about. He does get bored, though, because he used to be so active, and this accident and its injuries have so limited his activity, there's not much for him to do.

I'm doing pretty good for a newly appointed caretaker. It's kind of hard because I'm so used to being so independent, and now I'm so needed, but I'm getting used to it, I guess. I mean, I've been through bipolar episodes with my husband, so this is kind of like that, being a supporter, just that it's lasting longer. But, in time, he'll get better. Just like he did with his bipolar disorder.

What's hard about it is what's hard about bipolar disorder for any family. I mean, here you are, going along fine in your life, then bipolar goes off like a bomb in the middle of your life and everything is changed. There are so many things you have to do differently. Some things you just can't do. This accident is like that (we'd already dealt with the bipolar).

I guess anyone who has dealt with any adversity in their life can relate to what I'm going through now. I wish things could be the way they were before (smooth and even, coping), but I also know I need to cope with things the way they are now, and not the way I wish they were. That's one of the coping skills (mindfulness) I learned when I was learning how to cope with my bipolar disorder.

I have to believe that things will get better, my positive view of life demands that. In the meantime, I will do the best I can with each day as it comes. If you have any encouragement, though, I sure could use it!

Wishing you peace and stability,

Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

Bipolar Priorities

My husband was in a car accident this past weekend, totalling the car and nearly himself. I haven't been able to go to the hospital to see him, because I have no transportation now, so I relying on phone calls with the nurses to find out how he is doing. Needless to say, I am worried about him. I don't know how I'm handling all this. Seriously, if it weren't for the Lord, I don't think I could handle it at all. But I do know one thing - I have to still keep my priorities right, or I'll end up in a bipolar episode, and I don't need that on top of everything else. So I'm making sure that I still take my medications, sleep right, and I'm trying to eat, even though I have no appetite. I just keep thinking that I have to keep my bipolar disorder priorities in check, to take care of myself while the hospital takes care of my husband. Sometimes adversities come upon us, and we don't know why. They just happen, usually out of nowhere. We don't ask for them, we don't deserve them. But they happen nonetheless. But we still have choices in how we handle them. We can come from a place of strength (no matter how weak we feel), or we can fall apart, and then we just make the situation worse. We need to remember our bipolar priorities. Remembering our bipolar priorities means that we take care of ourselves (and our bipolar disorder) first. We make sure to take our medication, get enough sleep, and eat right. We also try not to isolate, because that can lead to depression, and depression to a bipolar depressive episode, and we do not want that (that's what we're trying to avoid, in fact). So, in spite of what's happening with my husband, I have to focus on myself. Some people might think that is selfish, but if you look at it in terms of bipolar priorities, you can see that it isn't - it is simply trying to avoid a bipolar episode, which would make everything worse. I know that my husband is being well taken care of in the hospital. His needs are being met, including his bipolar needs (they are giving him his bipolar meds, etc.). So who is going to see that my needs are met if I don't? This is something that I have to do for myself, since my husband was my primary supporter. I hve other supporters, like my family, but they are long distance, and I have to depend on their support over the phone (which I am doing on a daily basis). I am the only support I have here at hand now. So I do what I have to do to stay stable. Like I said, I take my bipolar meds, get enough sleep, and try to eat right. If you have come upon adversity (or it has visited you), take my advice. Keep doing the things you need to do to stay stable. Take care of yourself like I'm doing - take your meds, get enough sleep, and eat right. You've got to keep your bipolar disorder under control, even under the worst of situations. Keep your bipolar priorities where they belong and you will stay stable. Wishing you peace and stability, Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com Remember God loves you and so do I, Michele

No Scientific Proof of Bipolar Chemical Imbalance

I read an article recently that stated that there is no scientific proof that bipolar disorder is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Well, knock me over with a feather! A chemical imbalance in the brain is the best explanation I have found for my bipolar disorder, and the one that I use to explain it to others, and the one easiest for them to understand. It really doesn't bother me that the scientists don't have proof for it, because I usually find that unless the drug manufacturers are involved (big money), people are hard pressed to push for a scientific backing for any explanation of anything! Sorry, just my opinion. But really, show me another explanation, then. One that makes sense. Because a chemical imbalance makes the most sense to me, scientific backing or not. And another thing - again, scientific backing or not - if it's not a chemical imbalanc, then why does the medication work so good on it for me (and so many others)? I am a firm proponent for the "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" philosophy of life. If the idea of a chemical imbalance as an explanation for bipolar disorder works, why not use it? What do I care whether there is "scientific proof" or not? Just because there haven't been a gazillion studies done on the theory does NOT mean it isn't true! I am living proof that the theory is true, and the fact that the medications I take to "fix" the chemical imbalance in my brain WORK is also proof that the theory is true. If there were a study to prove the theory, I would be first in line to help prove it. Nuff said. Wishing you peace and stability, Don't forget to check out my bipolar book at: www.brokenroseministries.com Remember God loves you and so do I, Michele